Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Superfish not Great White Shark Jr.

Congratulations Leisel Jones on winning the third Gold medal for Australia at the Beijing Olympics.

Until this breakthrough win, I had gotten to speculating about the greatest cover-up in Australian sports. The idea that Leisel Jones was the illegitimate child of one G. Norman.

Think about it, both in their prime sported golden locks of an identical length. Both enjoyed a love-hate relationship with the media. And most importantly, both had the notorious knack for choking on the big stage.

 Uncanny resemblance or something more???

In fact, halfway down the final lap of today's 100m Breaststroke final, I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Leisel to miss the swimming equivalent of a 2 foot put. Leisel misses the 18th fairway. Three putts and drops the race to a Spaniard.

It was not to be. Greg Norman and Leisel Jones can now sleep safe in the knowledge that I wont be collecting DNA swabs in order to conduct an ad-hoc paternity test.

Leisel Jones, rejoice! The Shark has not passed down his ghoulish recessive choke gene. Unfortunate as well to some extent, a paternity suit might have landed you the rights to some of the "Great White Sharks" super business ideas:

According to the tasting notes, this "Petite Syrah 2004" is robust for the first 17 glasses with flavours of blackcurrant and the aroma of fresh cut grass, however the 18th glass always disappoints as it has no depth on the palate, tastes like a three-putt and has the aroma of someone trying on your green jacket.

The Petite Syrah 2004, is best accompanied with lashings of failure.

Drink it while someone is claiming the British Open Trophy!

Best Drunk after a 72nd hole meltdown.


major turdler said...


Me doth thinks thou speaketh too soon...

Need i remind you that the Shark did win 2 British Opens, then continued to choke? Apparently, the trend continues for his heir apparent... plus Greg Norman was never $1.02 favourite... Choke...

Captain Carnage said...

The fact she declared that "I'm happy with my life (after silver in her pet event), I couldn't care less"...well that sounds as believable as Rafael Nadal saying "I won the Australian Open this year but got rolled in the French!!! But I'm happy, I've already won 4 French Opens anyway..." Sure Rafa...