Sunday, September 27, 2009

A Sad Time Of Year...

It's the time of year when, despite being excited by the prospect of an epic NRL Grand Final on Sunday, I start to realise that footy season is nigh on over. And when the Spring Carnival racing is over, all I have to look forward to is a summer of captaincy blunders from Ponting that will go largely unnoticed because it's only the Windies and Paki's touring and we're thrashing them regardless....sigh...and Channel 7 no doubt botching another summer of tennis by trying to cover four tournaments at once in a horrible collage of a set of chicks hit 'n' giggle here, and a set from some Aussie hopeful getting pumped there, to a gripping golden oldies final, and finally the last few games of the deciding set in the men's Brisbane International final....sigh...delayed Oz Open telecasts into Brisbane...Chappelli telling us all about Ponting never running out of ideas against a suckful Windies outfit, and about what a c-word S. Waugh was.....sigh.......

So expect the annual Spring Carnival hysteria on WHAB people!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Star Stable Spring '09!!!

Okay horseracing nuts, I'm talkin' to you Professor, JB and Shirtman, and anyone else who wants to take us on, our Star Stable League is called My steer has a... and the code is 651596. So sign up before the October 4 deadline if you think you can take on the experts!

Monday, September 21, 2009

The Captain's Weekly Rant

Firstly, I need some answers. The 90 mins are up at Old Trafford. It's 3-3 and an undermanned City have played very well, equalising three times, and thoroughly deserve a point at least. The official on the sideline holds up the board that clearly says '4', meaning that there are to be four (4) minutes of added time. Yeah, so there are four (4) minutes of injury time to be played. So can anyone explain to me how Michael Owen is able to score a match-winning goal on 96 fucking minutes? When there is only 4 minutes of added time? Not six. Four (4). Anyone? Only United could win in such dodgy, underhanded fashion. My disdain just keeps on building...

The Dragons went out of the NRL finals in straight sets, crushing my dream of $$$$. After breathing fire all year they ended up with nothing more than a Zoolander "I think I'm getting the black lung Pop" cough. No composure. No game-breakers. No forwards who could catch a fucking ball. No $$$$. The Parra continued to matta at the business end of the season with a spanking of the Titans, as predicted.

St. Kilda and Geelong both navigated their way into the AFL Grand Final. After watching the Eels game, I caught the replay of the Saints vs Bulldogs clash, and it would be fair to say that I was a tense man sometime around 1.30 a.m. Saturday morning when the Dogs hit the front in the final term. Thanks Nick Riewoldt! One more Saints victory and it's some sweet $$$$.

The Wallabies performance against the All Blacks is not worthy of any sort of discussion.

Finally, Trusting put in a third straight unbelievable finish and is going to win the Caulfield Guineas. He may even win the Cox Plate with some luck. $15 in the Cox says he can. He can consider himself drafted into my Star Stable for the Spring. Stay tuned for more on Star Stable later in the week.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

It's The Parra That Matta Part II


I am happy to call this one straight up as a pantsing. The Eels win this with a leg in the air. They're so hot right now. Take the 13+ on offer as the Eels cut up the Titans defense like Freddy Kruger on speed. The Eels pack will dominate and set the platform for Hayne and co...but mostly Hayne:

The first of many Dally M's for superstar Hayne

The guy's got it all; the step, the speed, a huge long kicking game, a skilful short kicking game, passing skills, strong defense, a strong fend and above all, amazing vision. He is the best player in the game and it's not close, sorry JT...hope you're enjoying those finals at home champ. How was the Dally M that close between those two? Because JT is the slayer of the weak...Hayne is the slayer of Dragons. If I had a lazy $595 lying around, I'd buy this for the pool room:

(Fully framed, including delivery)

Eels 13+, and take whatever you can get on Hayne being Channel Nine Man of the Match...that is just sound finance...


I have no idea who's going to win this. A reliable source, who wished to be unnamed, let's call him "Duck", who happens to be a Broncos fan, is tipping the Dragons to win by 1-12. "Duck" says that the Dragons always beat the Broncos by 1-12. I'll be happy with that...I'll be cheering on the 'Dell and co. for purely selfish financial reasons. The Dragons have won 7 of their last 8 matches at Suncorp Stadium...not sure that really gets us any closer to who's going to win this one. Maybe the St.George-Illawarra-Steeler-Dragons will be shocked into action in the face of sudden death footy. With the exception of the thrashing they dealt the Eels in round 26, they have played conservatively, have been mistake-riddled, lacked creativity in attack and lacked composure at critical times over the last month. The only thing about this game I know for certain is that if the Dragons don't find a better hiding spot in defense for Jamie Soward than in front of Dave Taylor, they'll lose. The Broncos have been in good form, though they were lucky to get the chocolates last week after punching their timecards just after half-time. The head says "I have no idea". The heart (betting account that was decimated last week) says Dragons. "Duck" says Dragons 1-12. I'll run with that. Whether by class or;

Monday, September 14, 2009

AFL Preliminary Finals

The best game of AFL I can remember seeing was in Round 14 this year between the Cats and the Saints. I want to see it again on Grand Final day. So hopefully the Dogs and the 'Pies co-operate this weekend. St. Kilda have the extra burden of my hard earned cash so hopefully they get off to a good start tonight. The only way the Dogs could win this is by getting on top in the mid-field. Beating up on a depleted and sloppy Lions mid-field is probably not the greatest preparation for taking on the likes of St.Kilda who were clinical in beating the 'Pies in week 1 of the finals. The Saints have talent all over the park and if they can deliver the ball quickly into Riewoldt, there simply is no-one in the league who can defend him; it comes down to whether he's got the kicking boots on. The Dogs will need to somehow manufacture plenty of goals against a defense that doesn't give up many.

It was a big comeback win by Collingwood against the Crows last week but I got the feeling that was their grand final. If Geelong can come out with the same intensity they showed early against the Bulldogs, they could have the 'Pies done by half-time. Still, you can never underestimate Collingwood and their band of bogan supporters led by this clown:

"I'm Captain Assclown, King of all Bogans"

If you're looking for a sound bet, the St. Kilda (1-39)/Geelong (1-39) double is around the $5 mark.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

It's The Parra That Matta

My whopping bet on a Dragons premiership is in serious jeopardy and my value bet on Manly is dead. It's been a horror weekend on the punt but what else can you do but reload the betting accounts and go again?! As a friend, like a broken record, keeps telling me, "it's the Parra that Matta". What the fuck is going on people?! The Eels were gone, the Bulldogs struggling without their general, the Storm were looking pretty uninspiring and yet now, they are all looking big chances for the title. Add to that the Broncos, and the possibility of the Dragons showing some initiative now that it's sudden death, and it's truly the closest NRL season ever. The only team I'd put a line through at this stage is the Titans, just leaking far too many points over the past few weeks. If I was a bookie, I'd have the Bulldogs as warm favourites now. With the week off, it's a near certainty that Kimmorley will return, and expect their marketing department to start pumping up the El Masri fairytale finish. And I for one would not begrudge him that. WHAB will preview the NRL and AFL finals for next weekend, so stay tuned.

Fear Man City you a'hole "big 4" teams...

"And at the City of Manchester Stadium, it's City 4, Arsenal 2"...Fear Manchester City bitches...we're comin'...feel the Adebayor're next United ya fookin' cockheads.......

Saturday, September 12, 2009

What Is Shinju?

After watching Jolie's Shinju run 3rd in the Dato' Tan Chin Nam Stks (not easy to spit out after a couple of cold ones), on a disastrous day of punting where I ran out of available funds, I looked to once and for all answer that age old question...what is Shinju?

Shinju: "double suicide" (Japanese), as in Shinjū ten no Amijima (Double Suicide at Amijima), written by the seventeenth-century tragedist Chikamatsu Monzaemon for the puppet theatre (bunraku and/or joruri theatre).

But that discovery has only led to another pressing question...who is Jolie? Wiki has been unable to help me on that one.

Anyway, Jolie's Shinju is on Facebook.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Wheres the Kudos

As I settle in to the start of the NRL finals I can't help but reflect on my top8 prediction. Just a quick reminder that JBs NRL top eight were:

Sea Eagles

Apart from panthers instead of eels (which I pointed out in the discussion) I had all the right teams in the 8 and apart from Storm/Titans and Knights/Broncos they were in the right order.

Final note, the 'touched by an eagle' fantasy comp as you may remember had the captain close to 800 points in front leading to the sad panda to declare that its over. Well at the end of the regular season the scoreboard is:

I makes me a sad panda 14302
Rams 13995
Harassment panda 11315

The sad pandas lead has been cut down to 307 points. With 9 finals games left I sure as hell will be hoping to see the sad panda cry!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Captain's/JB's ELV for Tri-Nations

Watching Matt Giteau slot a short range drop goal with a deep backline and more than just a hint of an overlap at Suncorp Stadium on Saturday night got me thinking. Thinking in terms of a guy who despite getting rat-shit drunk the night before, being massively hungover all day and copping it from the missus all day, is somehow probably right. In disgust, I came up with the idea that a drop goal should only be worth half a point. The fact that a drop goal at present is worth more than half a try is disgusting. It would be fair to say that I'm fucking disgusted by this points system, especially with drop goal merchants such as Morne Steyn and Matt Giteau lurking in opposition halves. Furthering my suggestion, an equally frustrated JB put forth the idea that perhaps two drop goals would be needed in order to accrue a point. One droppy, nothing. Two droppies, then you have your point you ball-sucking droppy merchant. Hopefully in the meantime the opposition has scored a try instead of dicking around with droppies...then the scoreboard reads at best 5-1 rather than 5-3. And what's more you'll need 10 more fucking droppies to hit the lead you drop merchant bitch of a man! And if the conversion is successful, you'll need 14 more fucking droppies you softcock merchant of said drop! This shit can't go on Rugby fans, WHAB has had enough of this droppy obsession in this day and age. In the Tri-Nations of all things. Three teams who, if they played under the ELV's that were introduced in the Super 14 this year, along with the Captain & JB's ELV, would give us probably the best looking series on the planet. You know it would be good. Like things that are made out of real pieces of know it would be so fucking good...