Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Captain's/JB's ELV for Tri-Nations

Watching Matt Giteau slot a short range drop goal with a deep backline and more than just a hint of an overlap at Suncorp Stadium on Saturday night got me thinking. Thinking in terms of a guy who despite getting rat-shit drunk the night before, being massively hungover all day and copping it from the missus all day, is somehow probably right. In disgust, I came up with the idea that a drop goal should only be worth half a point. The fact that a drop goal at present is worth more than half a try is disgusting. It would be fair to say that I'm fucking disgusted by this points system, especially with drop goal merchants such as Morne Steyn and Matt Giteau lurking in opposition halves. Furthering my suggestion, an equally frustrated JB put forth the idea that perhaps two drop goals would be needed in order to accrue a point. One droppy, nothing. Two droppies, then you have your point you ball-sucking droppy merchant. Hopefully in the meantime the opposition has scored a try instead of dicking around with droppies...then the scoreboard reads at best 5-1 rather than 5-3. And what's more you'll need 10 more fucking droppies to hit the lead you drop merchant bitch of a man! And if the conversion is successful, you'll need 14 more fucking droppies you softcock merchant of said drop! This shit can't go on Rugby fans, WHAB has had enough of this droppy obsession in this day and age. In the Tri-Nations of all things. Three teams who, if they played under the ELV's that were introduced in the Super 14 this year, along with the Captain & JB's ELV, would give us probably the best looking series on the planet. You know it would be good. Like things that are made out of real pieces of panther...you know it would be so fucking good...

2 comments:

Shirtman said...

Couldn't agree more boys, highlighted further still by Brian Habana taking the world's lamest drop goal attempt from about 400m out and executing nought but a classic work burner. You reckon they pay you to kick Brian?

And don't get me started on ELV's because that invariably leads to a rant against the the ass-clown-ELV-rejecting-Northern-Hemisphere-Unions and their blatant disregard for the appeal and longevity of what used to be the game they played in heaven but what would now be lucky to be part of the inflight entertainment on a scientologist space ship.

Captain Carnage said...

Northern hemisphere folk sure like their rugby exciting, with lots of penalty goals, droppies, fat ugly guys packing ridiculous numbers of scrums, limited backline opportunites, penalty goals and droppies etc. That's how they like it, that's how their teams play and they excel at it. Not my cuppa tea but I can sort of understand why they reject the ELV's. But why on earth we couldn't play Tri-Nations under Super 14 rules and tweak a few other things is beyond me. Just another one of those things in the sporting world that makes no sense to fans but perfect sense to retarded backward-thinking lawmakers. There's nothing heavenly about it at the moment and when you think of the talent in the backlines of SA, NZ, and Australia, it could be something special under the right rules.