Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Latest News

I have been quiet since the announcement of the NSW Origin team; this is possibly because I'm still in shock that the selectors didn't do something completely fucking stupid like they usually do. For the first time in ages, they have picked form players, in their specialist positions, and have resisted "staying loyal" to guys who have been getting creamed by QLD for the last few years. As usual though, they have overlooked a couple of current Australian players in Watmough and Laffranchi...all I can think of is that these guys must be suspected of boning the selectors' wives to miss out. Ennis can consider himself unlucky as well, especially if your name is Professor Chaos, see below. They are very unlucky, but, then again, one can't really argue with the form of the players they have picked in their places. The Campese/Wallace halves combination...I haven't ever looked forward as much to seeing a pairing like this. Hopefully Jennings gets some space to show his blinding speed and he, Hayne and McManus can hold their own against Folau and Inglis. Oh, and Boyd...he's a real monster out there on the wing...A special shout-out must go to Michael Weyman! One look at the before & after and all you can say is "Thanks Wayne Bennett!".

In other news, QLD has picked their standard bunch of homos.

Also, for those of you who haven't yet had enough of the group sex scandal fiasco, check out the Chaser tonight.

The utility of a utility player.

Here is a very simple question which I will direct to the NSW origin selectors:
If Craig Wing is limited to play halfback and hooker, and Robbie Farah is a competent halfback/hooker, then what utility does Craig Wing offer in a bench spot that could not be offered by the far superior Michael Ennis?

This is no attack on Wing, however this look at a few scenarios demonstrates the fact that Wing offers no coverage for injury that doesn't already exist in the team. 

1. Scenario 1:
There are no injuries
Ennis and Farah play 40 or so minutes each at hooker. Potentially both can be on the field at one time. 80 minutes of Ennis and Farah (both kept fresh) means that the blues have a lot of spark out of dummy half.

2. Scenario 2:
Injury to Wallace/Campese
Farah probably slots in to the #6/#7. Wing (a far inferior #9 to Ennis) goes to hooker. 

3. Scenario 3:
Injury to Farah
Wing (a far inferior #9 to Ennis) goes to hooker.

4. Scenario 4: 
Injury to any other back
Basically this is the situation that would have given Wing the Edge.... in 2001. At this stage of his career, Wing is a marginal centre or winger at best. This is obvious. So Say a centre goes down. With or without Wing, Campese likely goes into the centres, Farah to the halves and Wing into 9. Wow, as opposed to the same shit, but with Ennis at #9 instead of Wing. 

The above scenarios demonstrate something pretty obvious. Wing's role in the NSW origin team is an interchange hooker and utility hooker (and halfback). Picking the better hooker for the final bench spot would have been more sensible - as due to the presence of Farah, Wing provides no utility value. 

This is just bat-shit-fucking-crazy. The selectors are telling you one of two things:
1) They didn't run through these very simple scenarios at the selection table. And are thus lazy. 
2) They did run through these scenarios at the selection table, concluded that Wing was a superior hooker to Ennis and are thus complete twats.

The selectors do deserve some credit. The Captain will rejoice that his mancrushes Terry Campese and Michael "Truffle Shuffle" Weyman were selected. I'm quietly pleased by the selection of Luke Lewis as 18th man. After pocketing $400,000 per season from my Panthers for doing sweet FA for 2005, 2006, and 2007 I am okay with him having his heart broken just a little.  Though I hope he plays. Go Luuuuuuuke. 

Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Weekend In Sport

An exciting weekend of Rugby culminated in the Waratahs (and all Aussie teams) missing the top 4. I highlighted in an earlier post, the Tahs Round 9 clash with the Bulls; if they had of gone for a try that night, rather than a pointless penalty goal, they might have scored one...and might have got the bonus point they needed to be playing the Bulls in a semi-final this weekend, rather than watching the Bulls vs Crusaders on Foxsports...

Steven Clark...just fuck off and don't come back. As an on-field referee, he would penalise players for sneezing, and give them 10 in the bin for simply scratching their balls. As a video ref, he is incompetent. The Bulldogs no try on Friday night was just unforgivable. If anything, it looked like Soward deliberately backed into Eastwood to draw contact. Obstruction rule or not, it was a try, and always will be a try, so if you can't get your head around that, then fuck off out of the NRL you fucking cockhead.

Steve Lyons...fuck you. My Roosters got hammered by a much better team in the Knights. It was hard enough to watch, but to make matters worse for me, this cretin makes a decision every bit as fucked as Steven Clark's. Willie Mason was tackled and the tacklers fell off him. So he got up and played the ball. Too early. Too fucking early? There were no players hanging off him, he was fully to his feet and played the ball correctly. Fuck you Steve Lyons. I'd put my house on it that if he had played on, it would have been a penalty. Serenity now.

I'm not going to get started on the coverage, or lack thereof, of the NBA Playoffs or I'll likely blow a fucking gasket here...

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Matthew Johns Sacked By Nine

I'm not going to go into the gory details here...type the word "gangbang" into Google if you need some more information. But my concern over Johns' sacking is the probability of more Ikin and overdose quantities of Gould and Voss. Does this mean that Ikin will join the Footy Show panel? Or Gould? The show's made bad enough by Voss, a man who never played any Rugby League of note, and his ridiculous statements. I played Rugby League until I was around 8, am an affable type, and watch every game, every week too, but no-one from Channel Nine has come knocking at my door. Will Ikin be chiming in with even more bleedin' obvious comments during Friday Night Footy matches? "Look boys, the Cowboys are down by 14 with 10 minutes to'd be fair to say they need to be the next to score"...Or will we all be overwhelmed by Gould and his barrage of "Yeah baby".

That's not a high tackle! No, no, no, no, no! Just let the boys play! Back in my day..."

Sure Gus, what do we need rules for, you fuckwit. Or will this all mean we get more of a gangbanger's druggy brother who can't string a sentence together? Honestly, Andrew Johns was a truly great player but he loved his drugs on a Saturday night, and his sideline comments border on autism. And Voss, just 10 secs alone with the right boot vs his balls...oh yeah...

My point is that Channel Nine needs to completely overhaul their Rugby League coverage. It's insulting to viewers to keep dishing up this stuff on free-to-air. Matty Johns, whilst a gangbanger and adulterer, was the only guy on the Footy Show and in the commentary team (other than Rabs) who would make intelligent comments about Rugby League, when he wasn't being an assclown alter ego like Reg Reagan or Percy Le Blanc. But he's gone, along with the Chief, so it's time for a new direction, some new blood, maybe the NSW five eighth in waiting:

No NSW selectors, this is not Kurt Gidley playing out of position...

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Damir Arrested!

My old mate Damir Dokic has been arrested in Serbia for nothing more than being in posession of a couple of home made "bombs", and boldly saying this: "I've told Australians I'll kill their ambassador in Serbia if they do not find and sanction the man that spreads lies about Jelena and me. I'm a war veteran and I'll kill her (the ambassador) with a hand grenade launcher in centre of Belgrade. I know Serbian police could arrest me because of this words. However, I'm not afraid as this is the only way to stop the journalistic scam from Australia". This is surely just another witch-hunt, again masterminded by Australians in high places. Having interviewed the man earlier this year, I find it hard to believe that Damir's intentions are anything but honourable. All the man has ever wanted was for his daughter not to be a lesbian, reasonably priced fish, and for Australians to get some good old fashioned come-uppance. "I have an arsenal of weapons in my house. I have a licence for all the weapons I have," he said. "I don't have a bazooka, but it is not a problem for me to get a bazooka. On Australians, he re-iterated; "I have always said you can't make good people out of crime and bitch prostitute...they are the crazy ones who give you sausages and no water when it's 40 degrees outside." Furthermore, Damir gave his views on discipline after wayward daughter Jelena accused him of beating her; "There is no child that was not beaten by parents — the same with Jelena. If I was ever a little bit more aggressive towards Jelena, it was for her sake," he said. "When I was young I was beaten by my parents and I am now thankful to them for that because that helped me to become the right person."

Damir, rudely interrupted from penning his memoirs to be arrested!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Australian Test Selections

After being dazed, confused and completely disorganised for a couple of weeks after a massive, brain-numbing Doncaster weekend, the Captain is back into the swing of things, WHAB style. I was somewhat perplexed when I saw the Australian Test line-up today. Mostly due to the fact that the only backline spot where NSW might have had a look in went to Darius Boyd! That is outrageous. Since when does leading the NRL in "most sideways metres" get you a Test jersey?! Or maybe it's because he is such a great finisher at Origin level with an open tryline after Greg Inglis has squashed a couple of would-be-tacklers and gifted him a saloon passage. I cannot fathom how Gallen has retained his spot. He is dishing up absolute rubbish playing for the NRL's shittest team. Anti-Thurstonites like myself are again left disappointed by his inclusion, despite form at club level that could be described as mediocre at best. Although I'm sure he'll somehow figure in Sportal's player of the year calculations again. The man can't seem to play these days unless Lockyer is holding his hand. At this point in time, I have no confidence whatsoever in him wearing the green and gold 7 jersey. Most of the selections are fair enough but another loss, and I will be calling for wholesale changes and Campese. Especially if he grows another sick mo' like this:

NSW five-eighth to be...