Tuesday, March 30, 2010


It's that time of year again; when two year old horses race for the most over-priced paycheck in the thoroughbred racing industry. Take the case of 2002 winner Calaway Gal. She not only never won another race, but she never even remotely looked like winning another race. But she won the second richest race on the Australian racing calendar. She isn't the only Slipper winner to go on to do absolutely nothing thereafter either. The $3.5 million purse doesn't make sense people, but our business here is finding the winner, First Four and a truckload of $cash$...

Selections were finalised 1/4/10 for a good/dead track, which is pretty much all you can work on for two year olds...for slow/heavy, we accept no responsibility whatsoever for the mayhem that may occur some 48 hours out.

1. Brightexpectations $6.50

Captain: I may not pick the First Four this year but I did hit this one at the staggeringly good odds of $51 last Thursday. At that time, Hinchinbrook, who narrowly beat Brightexpectations in the Skyline, was at $9. A Gai Waterhouse horse being aimed at the Slipper with some good-looking form at $51?! My eyes nearly popped out of my head as I frantically locked in that juicy $51. He qualified for the Slipper in the Pago Pago, and how! And he tumbled in all the way to $6.50...and that's the story of how you get massive overs...Needless to say, my top pick!

Professor: Thought he got away with walking last week. Doubt he gets that luxury in this race with Solar Charged, Chance Bye et al in this one. As such, I'm looking elsewhere at this price.

2. Hinchinbrook $15

Captain: He ran past Brightexpectations in the Todman, but seemed to die on his run just as Brightexpectations was getting his second wind. He showed a nice turn of foot that day in coming from the tail but was no match in the Pago Pago. Think he can still figure in the finish here after running on okay last week.

Professor: The pace in the Todman suited this guy, and he boomed home accordingly. The tempo in the Pago Pago didn't suit and he looked ordinary. Perhaps one-dimensional, but he looks like he might get the pace to suit here.

3. Decision Time $19

Captain: In the Todman, he kept finding the line behind Masquerader, who was my top Slipper pick before being ruled out with injury. So it's decision time, and I ain't gonna dick around, he's locked into my first four people. In fact, he's in my top two.

Professor: Great value given his solid form to date. The colts have been ignored, and he could be the best of them.

4. Beneteau $12

Captain: His last run just left a big question mark. Before that, his form was very good, and his run in the Blue Diamond was super considering he was 3-4 wide the trip and came from the carpark after straightening. Interestingly, Beneteau ran an unlucky 3rd in the Diamond, Shaaheq ran a tidy 2nd, Crystal Lily ran 6th and she's at $5.50 here while the other two are at $12 and $21...go figure. You could do far worse than throwing him in your multiples but I'm of the thinking that he's yearning for those rolling green fields...

Professor: Until his flat spot in the last, looked a big chance here. I'm prepared to forgive and forget and take the $12 on a horse that could be the star of the field.

5. Carved In Stone $51

Captain: I think 3rd to Masquerader is pretty handy form for this. Would have liked to see him have another run though. At the odds, well worth a look, could make your multiples phat.

Professor: Great price for one that could be open to some improvement.

6. Military Rose $3.70

Captain: She's a super little horse and I'd have no dramas watching her make these look stupid, but I just have to take her on in a race like the Slipper. She has the disadvantage of speed horses Brightexpectations and Chance Bye drawn inside her. And favourites just seem to run 4th a lot in the Slipper. Will happily chew up my losing tickets if she gets up, but, it's nothing personal Heinrichs', it's just business. Another Slipper favourite to fill 4th place.

Professor: I'll take on the Rose, but with some reservations!

7. Chance Bye $10

Captain: Unbeaten, but I'm not to sold on what she's beaten. At $20+ I could get interested but not at $10. I've long given up on listening to what the smaller trainers say before these big races, so when Tubman says "she's five lengths better than the Silver Slipper" and "she's gonna smash it in a 1:07:5", I've heard it all before, and so far, only Tracy Bartley (Sniper's Bullet, Stradbroke Hcp) has been right.

Tubman at his day job...

Professor: I keep reading "good times, though form behind it is poor" and similar in the racing press. So I should bet on a horse that has run slower? And beaten better horses by less?? I'm confused. And I'm on Chance Bye to an extent. Although it's the "battlers horse" and I typically have no love for battlers.

8. Crystal Lily $5.50

Captain: Looks pretty handy, but she's just no value at all, for many reasons. If you want the $5.50, it's all yours.

Professor: If you love the $5.50 here, you must love the $21 about Dirka Dirka Shaaheq.

9. Shaaheq $21

Captain: The only one of David Hayes' 50 two year olds to survive through to Golden Slipper day. I'm not a Hayes fan in case you haven't figured that out, but I speak the language of cash, and this one looks good value. Has had an interesting prep without a Sydney run. The only problem is, that usually means that the Slipper is an afterthought. A solid chance at decent odds.

Professor: The Blue Diamond Runner up receives no respect - probably because of it's funny arab name. And it was on this day that Shaaheq put a jihad on them. And if you don't believe it, you'd better get out, because it'll put a jihad on you too.

10. Solar Charged $10

Captain: The sun must have been obscured by clouds when she took on Military Rose in the Riesling because there was very little in the way of charge. How anyone can justify the $10 quote after that, and also when you consider Obsequious is at $34, and also that three other speed horses are drawn inside her, well I'm baffled.

Professor: When you find a decent 2 y.o. horse, I think it's worth forgiving a bad run. In that spirit, I'll forgive this very good horse a flat run. Especially with a bit of sting out.

11. Lohan $101

Captain: There's too much "it's like so hard being a star so I have to snort coke off the cubicle floor" about this one. Why would you name your horse after that dumb bitch?

But you don't know what it's like snorting coke laced with shredded $100 bills...

Professor: Probably the horse that will find the retarded drunk girls $2 investments at the track. You know the groups. Where five girls in a row go up to the bookie and put $2 on the same horse. Here's an idea respect my sanity and the others around you and get one fucking ticket.

12. Georgette Silk $67

Captain: Can't see the Boss-man getting Boss-manic after the running of the 2010 Slipper. Another runner with a gay name, and appears to be outclassed here.

Professor: It doesn't seem to have the class for this. And fuck you Boss.

13. Obsequious $34

Captain: More Strawberries - $11. Solar Charged - $10. And what do they share in common? They've both been beaten home by this filly, which is of course why she's at $34. Say what?! I like her, she may not have superstar written all over her, but she's honest and at very attractive odds. Throw her in.

Professor: Honest, professional, perhaps more of a Sires Produce type though.

14. Elimbari $71

Captain: If you need me to tell you that this is out of it's depth, you should be banned from punting, until you trial to stewards' satisfaction. Clown.

Professor: So that's a no....

15. More Strawberries $11

Captain: You buy a racehorse. You call it More Strawberries. It hits the front in the Slipper and you're yelling "Go More Strawberries!". That is gay. Singo should know better. If it wins, and you happily collect Singo's public bar shout, then you sir, are also gay. In all seriousness, it's got a decent chance, though $11 is too short for mine...and it's totally for fags...Gai is odds on to wear some stupid looking strawberry hat.

Professor: "What do we want?" "More Strawberries" "When do we want them?" "After we've had sex with men!"


Captain: In my quest for successive Golden Slipper First Fours, I'm working around Brightexpectations, Decision Time, Military Rose and Obsequious, throwing in Carved In Stone for a bit more juicy phatness. Others I considered were Hinchinbrook and Shaaheq but you can't have them all. Well, you can have them all, but it will cost you a million dollars to box them all. Already having massive overs on Brightexpectations affords me the luxury of really going after Decision Time as well. Obsequious and Carved In Stone are at nice each-way odds.

Remember, value is the key to the Slipper. The favourites just never seem to win, no matter how good they look. If Military Rose towels them up, then you weren't going to win much anyway. Punt on me hearties!

Professor: At the moment, I'll start with Beneteau. Think it has a lot of class, and hoping that it's last start shocker was just a bit of 2 year old unpredictability rather than anything else. It's not unheard of for a two year old to bounce back from a rough start to win the slipper - Miss Finland springs to mind. Beyond that, I'll make up a first four from Hinchinbrook, Decision Time, Solar Charged and Chance Bye. Carved in Stone and Shaaheq are the roughies in my bunch.

The two that appear the worst value to me are More Strawberries and Crystal Lily.

Golden Slipper Preview Out Friday!

Once again WHAB will preview the Golden Slipper with the usual big-talking, witty, yet comprehensive guide to the world's richest 2.y.o race. Can yours truly make it back to back Golden Slipper First Fours?!? Probably not. The odds are stacked against me there, but if I can do it, you'll all hear about it...Glen Boss style! There is nothing open and indeed, nothing else to do on Good Friday until the footy starts, so you have no excuses to not join us and be pointed in the general direction of $cash$...

Monday, March 22, 2010

Assclown Of The Week

The prestigious WHAB Assclown Of The Week Award goes to this assclown:

Do you even know what game we're playing here pal? That's AFL you assclown...

How the hell this guy is considered one of the top referees in the game is beyond me well and truly. Watching a game he's officiating is just confounding. He actually somehow makes the game more confusing. He seems to have his own interpretation of the rules. Is he allowed to have his own interpretation of the rules? Apparently he is, because they keep giving him primetime games to fuck up for everyone. Put him on the next flight back to the UK I say because footy fans have had enough of this assclown trying to baffle us with his bullshit.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Chinese Whispers

A big, big weekend of sport, most of which I missed because I was spastic drunk at a mate's party. The obvious highlight was my Roosters smashing Russell Crowe's Rabbitohs courtesy of a ball-tearer of a game from Todd Carney. I said a little prayer before I went to bed last night..."Dear God, please don't let Todd Carney within arm's length of an alcoholic beverage"...My other highlight came whilst watching a replay of the Stormers vs Hurricanes Super 14 match today, where I came across this classic piece of commentary after Cory Jane got hit in the head with a pass...

"In Australia, they call that "The Falcon" because there was a Rugby League player called Gordon Falcon who used to catch it on the noggin every weekend"...

Gordon Falcon

Monday, March 8, 2010

When League Was the Biz

Hey NRL marketing big-wigs:

This is the sort of promo we want to see every year. Any League fan can tell you that. So why do you fags keep dishing up such under-whelming stuff? "Blow that whistle ref" in mother-fucking-deed you deadshits.

An open challenge to anyone who dares on Singstar...

Friday, March 5, 2010

I Lied!

After promising you all that I wouldn't over-complicate the 2010 Newmarket Handicap, fuck it, I'm going to get right into the nitty-gritty! It's what I do. Just ask the Professor. There is no Swiss Ace setting a cracking tempo this year, in fact, there's no obvious leader. So perhaps we could do a lot worse than working around the on-pacers here: Wanted, Starspangledbanner, Light Fantastic, Shellscrape and King Pulse are in that group. I thought the guy from Best Bets was off his fucking trolley when he tipped King Pulse to win but upon closer inspection, he could well be on the money. An on-pacer, Group 1 placed down the straight and coming in with just 50kg's. If you're looking for a juicy first 4, leave out Starspangledbanner who is in single-figure odds and cops a penalty in the weights after winning the Oakleigh Plate. I'd be inclined to box the five of them though, because if they can stack the field up a bit and make it a sprint home, they all have the sprint to kick away and they'll have it between them. Whatever your stake, throw a fiver, tenner, lobster, pineapple or greenback on All Silent to cover yourself. He's serious.

Happy punting.

Newmarket Handicap 2010

The chaos of a 1200m race down the Flemington straight is nigh on impossible to sort out as it is...then sometimes the field splits in two and it becomes a lottery. A fascinating lottery though. So I think keeping it simple is the go here.


Pros: The best horse in the race, and the best sprinter currently on these shores. Looking at the past seven Newmarket winners;

2005 – ALINGHI

These were the best sprinters in the country for those given years. He loves Flemington and loves the Straight Six.

Cons: 57kg topweight. Capable, but not at his very best on wet tracks.


Pros: Is at the nice price of $26. Featherweight of 50kg. Rain is predicted and loves it wet. Two runs down the Flemington straight for two Group 1 placings. And it's been a while since we've seen a Boss-a-thon...he's due.

Put your hands in the air if you're the best jockey in the world!

Cons: A possibly over-confident Boss. A possibly over-zealous Boss victory celebration. Last start was a shocker. It was his only shocker in his career though and maybe he didn't handle Moonee Valley?

Others at good value include Turffontein ($19), Headway ($21) and Light Fantastic ($31).

That's it. Not over-complicating this one in my head...

Professor chimes in late!

Not overcomplicating this one either. My top four for betting purposes would resemble the captains, which is not unremarkable given we've been emailing each other about this one all week, my passion for Light Fantastic gets it a nod is his, his passion for Shellscrape gets it my nod. The fact that I prefer All Silent on the dry, its topweight and the $5 means that I will at my peril not bet on the finest horse in the land and go with a top four (choose any order you please because you can get on them all!) of 5-16-14-12... if I have an early winner i'll be inclined to include the 4 as well.

To start with; Light Fantastic. Ultra-consistent, probably at his best with a wee bit of sting out of the ground, in great form.. at his best over the 1200. I'd be spruiking this one as a value bet at $15, so at $31.. yes please.

Shellscrape... well, see above. I'm convinced.

Headway - to me every bit the sprinter that the banner is, for some reason carrying only the 50kg to the banners 53.5. And paying triple. And best suited here. I'm on.

Gran Sasso.... My pick of the runs out of the Oakleigh... definitely wants the extra 100 metres... suited better on dead. Need I say more?

Uncomplicated. Bet on four horses at juicy odds and wait for the cash cow to need a good milking.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Super Over Shenanigans

After watching the Aussies tie with the Kiwis in the 2nd T20 match, I was about to turn the telly off when it became apparent that the match wasn't over. There was to be a Super Over for each side. I didn't like the sound of it, and after watching it unfold, I definitely don't like it. It's much more ass than class. Obviously it's better than the monstrosity that was the Bowl-Off...honestly, whoever came up with the Bowl-Off should be driven out into the desert and left there to ponder their own stupidity. But to me, the Super Over format just doesn't involve enough players. Four overs bowled by four different bowlers and faced up to by four different pairs would be a lot better and would bring into play more than just 6 of the 22 players...but then you add another hour to the game. Thinking about it, that wouldn't be such a bad thing if the cricket is of the same quality as that match. A four-over per side Super-Over-Power-Play if you will. That's what I want, and if I can't have it, then I'll take the tie. Bowl-Off indeed...

WHAB: Making A Difference

It's good to know that you can make a difference in the sporting world. Days after being publicly warned on WHAB, regular readers Roberto Mancini and Chris Hickey promptly got their teams playing better. Mancini's Manchester City pulled off a stunning 4-2 thrashing of league leaders Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, despite Wayne Bridge being booed throughout the match by the douchebag Chelsea home crowd. Bridge's crafty sidestep of John Terry during the pre-match handshake set the tone for City with doubles to Carlos Tevez and Craig Bellamy, the two niggliest players in City's squad. The barely 5 foot tall Tevez squaring up to the 6 foot plus Terry was the highlight of the game, and in the post-match commentary Bellamy was in fine form, saying something to the effect "We all know what John Terry's like, he'd fuck anything that moves." Great stuff.

Chris Hickey also deserves a wrap, despite the Waratahs going down to the Bulls. The Tahs, for probably the first time ever under Hickey ran in 4 tries, and more importantly, looked great in attack. After leading early, they were finally run down by a very, very good Rugby team, and were unlucky not to grab a second bonus point. Sure they let in 48 points, but considering it was the Bulls at Loftus, and that they also put 50 on the Brumbies, and are averaging a whopping 49.67 points per game, I'll let that slide.

When WHAB speaks, people listen.