Sunday, August 17, 2008

Chow Mein

Welcome to WHAB's answer to Channel 7's gay Yum Cha program. Chow Mein will look at the lighter side of the games with exclusive interviews.

Liesel Jones has caused a stir by saying she "couldn't care less" about losing her pet event. This is akin to Rafael Nadal losing the French Open and saying "I'm just happy in my life" or "it is just such a small margin of my life". One wonders why Jones would get up at 4 a.m every morning in the middle of winter to train if she was so blase about her swimming. But as long she "had the best time and the most important time" winning silver in an event she has dominated for years, I guess that's the main thing.

A Games official has speculated that Michael Phelps may not be a human being, but in fact a robot. "No human could love swimming so much" said the official who wanted to remain anonymous. "Let's face it, it's a pretty boring sport and training for eight different events, that would be hella boring" he said. The official suggested that Phelps was some sort of "swimming machine, like the Terminator in a laser suit".

The highlight of Beijing 2008 so far is the dummy spit from Swedish Roman-Greco wrestler Aha Abrahamian. WHAB caught up with him just after his hissy fit, and he was still hot under the collar; "What a load of shit. I don't want a shitty bronze medal. A bronze in wrestling, no-one will remember that. Fucking referees. I know how the Canberra Raiders feel now with all those bad video ref decisions. I've put so much into this fucking sport and to get dudded by someone who didn't know the rules...I mean how many people would there be in the world who don't know the rules to wrestling? Not many, if any. Fuck it."

Usain "In The Membrane" Bolt won the men's 100m sprint and broke the world record sparking predictable headlines across the Australian media such as "Lightning Bolt" and "Bolt in the Night".


the phil gould fan club said...

Thank you, someone finally recongizing the blatant arse fucking my beloved raiders receive at the hand of the video refs..

Usain Bolt can break 9.5, comfortably. Running backwards.

the phil gould fan club said...

Who the fuck changed my name to the phil gould fan club???