Firstly, congratulations to Shane Watson on his maiden Test century. He has shown all the youngsters out there that, if you are an all-rounder, and the selectors like you enough to give you a hundred chances to impress, then you too can score a century thanks to a dropped catch. Honestly, why is Abdur Rauf fielding at point? Why would you put a fast bowler there? Do we plug the point region with Doug Bollinger? The West Indies had an even more retarded idea; let's put the ungainly Sulieman Benn at point. But back to Watson, and in all seriousness, he has surprised me with the quality of his batting. That is, until he hits the nervous nineties, where he transforms back to the crappy Watson of old. Straight bat, still head, timing, clean hitting, it's quality stuff. However, the man-child still has a long way to go for us here at WHAB to forgive the spoilt brat persona that comes with being gifted ODI and Test call-ups without doing anything to deserve them for years on end...
The other notable from the match was Mohammad Aamer. In Australia's second innings, he gave us a glimpse of what to expect over the next 5 or 6 years until he breaks down. I can't imagine being a Test spearhead at just 17 is going to lead to a long career, so enjoy his Wasim-style bowling and all-round brashness while you can. Aamer aside, I find it hard to believe that this is the Paki's best bowling lineup. Abdur Rauf; innocuous medium pacers, and obviously not in the team as a specialist point fieldsman. Mohammad Asif; kept things tight at around 130k/h and picked up a couple of wickets...if you look up "first-change bowler" in the cricketing dictionary, you'll find that exact description. There seems to be a couple of other speedsters in the wings and they need to be given a go. Aamer can't do it all. Saeed Ajmal; convincingly out-bowled by Nathan Hauritz. For all the doosra talk, he bowls a poor man's Murali' doosra. Hopefully Danish Kaneria will be right to go for Sydney, if so, we might see a cracking Test match.
Obviously Pakistan's batting appeared a little thin also. It will be interesting to see if Younis Khan answers the call to bolster their line-up for Sydney.
Happy New Year to all, strap yourselves in for a big 2010!!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
How To Get On Next Year's Top 10 Douchebag List
It's easy all you sportspeople...behave like this:
And then butcher Sweet Child O' Mine by playing it on acoustic guitar.
And then butcher Sweet Child O' Mine by playing it on acoustic guitar.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Top 10 Douchebags Of The Year 2009
It's that time of year again; to salute the 10 biggest douchebags for the sporting year here at WHAB. It's a lot tougher than you'd think, trying to squeeze thousands of douchebags into a top 10 but we think we've nailed it...feel free to comment on any douche who you feel was top 10 material, but escaped said top 10...
RICKY PONTING: A massive surprise here, after yet another productive season for the Aussie captain. Another Ashes Tour loss, which included some more horrific decisions as captain, and more recently a lucky escape at home to the West Indies. I was a kid when we last struggled against the Windies on home soil. The man convinced his team that Freddy Flintoff is the greatest bowler ever to roll the arm over and convinced selectors that Stuart Clark is the worst. He single-handedly ended the career of Drinks Break, one of the most promising cricket bloggers of our time, with his inane decision-making. He rates Mitchell Johnson as the ideal bowler to knock over no. 10 and 11's. In fact, he rates Johnson the second best bowler in the world, taking over from Brett Lee at the 2, and behind only Freddy Flintoff. On a personal front, he's dropped out of the top 10 batsman in the world. He then writes a Captain's Diary about all this which people apparently buy. If you bought a copy, you are as much a douchebag as our illustrious (retarded) captain.
ANDREW HILDITCH: The Chairman of Selectors has a lot to answer for. Unfortunately all his answers are the same. Mrs Hilditch questions him on why he hasn't put the bins out this week; Mr Hilditch answers with "look honey, times are tough with the retirements of Warne, McGrath, Gilchrist, Hayden, Langer, Gillespie,...". Being in cahoots with Ponting, they can always get their stories straight and their lines right. A lot of people seemed to be fooled by these two clowns...well we ain't Hilditch...you can't baffle WHAB with bullshit. You are a douchebag, you should be fired, and you should take those fucking bins out pal.
ANDREW FLINTOFF: For his unforgettable (vomitous) celebrations during the Ashes, where he acted like he was the Jesus for this generation, Freddy cemented his place in the anals of douchebaggery.
You'd think he's risen from the dead...really he's just knocked over Peter Siddle...
To carry on like he did, you'd think you were witnessing some of the greatest bowling from the greatest bowler ever, rather than tentative, softcock Aussie batting. Apparently the best all-rounder in the history of the game...perhaps his stats suggest otherwise. Regardless, if you want to carry on like a God on the cricket field, you'd want to be named Shane Warne or Don Bradman.
TIGER WOODS: Tiger just scraped into the top 10 in the nick of time. A rooting machine from all reports, the problem is that all the birds that he's been doin' other than his wife are deadset scrubbers:
Scandinavian face of an angel...
Eww...
No more clean shaven Mr. Gilette...
LOTE TUQIRI: Speaking of cheaters, Lote nailed a couple of 16 y.o's and then got railroaded by John O'Neill. Once O'Neill had something on Tuqiri, he made sure the only possible outcome was tearing up his phat contract, which was no.1 on his task list anyway. Well played Sir. Paying a winger $1 million dollars a year is bullshit, especially when he drillin' teenagers left, right and centre. With all this cheatin', we're going to need Joey Greco here soon...
MATTHEW JOHNS: Alright, that's it...it's GRECO time!
Did somebody say "cheater"?!
Sure it was 7 or 8 years ago and the bird was gaggin' for it, but naked dudes with other naked dudes is simply not cool.
BRETT STEWART: Newly appointed "face of the game", Stewart got hammered and inappropriately touched a teenager. On a related note, my team (Itmakesmeasadpanda) went on to become champions of our NRL Fantasy League "Touchedbyaneagle". Well played Captain.
SEPP BLATTER: Approaching a FIFA World Cup year, watching the draw *live and intoxicated* confirmed my suspicions about this guy. He doesn't know that much about football. He doesn't watch too many games. But he has a fuckload of money and an endless supply of people fondling his balls. The guy didn't even know where South Africa 2010 kicks off...maybe he was distracted by the horde of Africans polishing his knob under the table.
BRENDAN FEVOLA: If you look up "drunken fuckwit" in the urban dictionary, you'll find a pic of this neanderthal. The Footy Show played a clip featuring his tamest work on Brownlow night...can't wait to see the uncut version. My Brisbane Lions have signed him up now...knowing that I live in the same city as this guy is making me a bit nervous...
SERENA WILLIAMS: Tennis can be a frustrating game. In my playing days, I smashed a lot of rackets, and they all deserved it. I had numerous temper tantrums, cursed and spluttered at the injustice of it all, and occasionally entertained thoughts of jumping the net and wrapping my racket around my opponent's throat. But my antics as a youngster can't compare to the beastly Serena's crazed outburst for all the world to see at the U.S Open. She's one bad-ass, mean mofo when she's riled up...
Boy...you in the wrong part o' town!
So there you have it. I know there's so many more but these were the highlights and lowlights of 2009 for me. So remember all you sports stars, keep it together or you could find yourself on the 2010 list. And keep it in your pants...or Joey Greco will get you!
RICKY PONTING: A massive surprise here, after yet another productive season for the Aussie captain. Another Ashes Tour loss, which included some more horrific decisions as captain, and more recently a lucky escape at home to the West Indies. I was a kid when we last struggled against the Windies on home soil. The man convinced his team that Freddy Flintoff is the greatest bowler ever to roll the arm over and convinced selectors that Stuart Clark is the worst. He single-handedly ended the career of Drinks Break, one of the most promising cricket bloggers of our time, with his inane decision-making. He rates Mitchell Johnson as the ideal bowler to knock over no. 10 and 11's. In fact, he rates Johnson the second best bowler in the world, taking over from Brett Lee at the 2, and behind only Freddy Flintoff. On a personal front, he's dropped out of the top 10 batsman in the world. He then writes a Captain's Diary about all this which people apparently buy. If you bought a copy, you are as much a douchebag as our illustrious (retarded) captain.
ANDREW HILDITCH: The Chairman of Selectors has a lot to answer for. Unfortunately all his answers are the same. Mrs Hilditch questions him on why he hasn't put the bins out this week; Mr Hilditch answers with "look honey, times are tough with the retirements of Warne, McGrath, Gilchrist, Hayden, Langer, Gillespie,...". Being in cahoots with Ponting, they can always get their stories straight and their lines right. A lot of people seemed to be fooled by these two clowns...well we ain't Hilditch...you can't baffle WHAB with bullshit. You are a douchebag, you should be fired, and you should take those fucking bins out pal.
ANDREW FLINTOFF: For his unforgettable (vomitous) celebrations during the Ashes, where he acted like he was the Jesus for this generation, Freddy cemented his place in the anals of douchebaggery.
You'd think he's risen from the dead...really he's just knocked over Peter Siddle... To carry on like he did, you'd think you were witnessing some of the greatest bowling from the greatest bowler ever, rather than tentative, softcock Aussie batting. Apparently the best all-rounder in the history of the game...perhaps his stats suggest otherwise. Regardless, if you want to carry on like a God on the cricket field, you'd want to be named Shane Warne or Don Bradman.
TIGER WOODS: Tiger just scraped into the top 10 in the nick of time. A rooting machine from all reports, the problem is that all the birds that he's been doin' other than his wife are deadset scrubbers:
Scandinavian face of an angel...
Eww...No more clean shaven Mr. Gilette...
LOTE TUQIRI: Speaking of cheaters, Lote nailed a couple of 16 y.o's and then got railroaded by John O'Neill. Once O'Neill had something on Tuqiri, he made sure the only possible outcome was tearing up his phat contract, which was no.1 on his task list anyway. Well played Sir. Paying a winger $1 million dollars a year is bullshit, especially when he drillin' teenagers left, right and centre. With all this cheatin', we're going to need Joey Greco here soon...
MATTHEW JOHNS: Alright, that's it...it's GRECO time!
Did somebody say "cheater"?!Sure it was 7 or 8 years ago and the bird was gaggin' for it, but naked dudes with other naked dudes is simply not cool.
BRETT STEWART: Newly appointed "face of the game", Stewart got hammered and inappropriately touched a teenager. On a related note, my team (Itmakesmeasadpanda) went on to become champions of our NRL Fantasy League "Touchedbyaneagle". Well played Captain.
SEPP BLATTER: Approaching a FIFA World Cup year, watching the draw *live and intoxicated* confirmed my suspicions about this guy. He doesn't know that much about football. He doesn't watch too many games. But he has a fuckload of money and an endless supply of people fondling his balls. The guy didn't even know where South Africa 2010 kicks off...maybe he was distracted by the horde of Africans polishing his knob under the table.
BRENDAN FEVOLA: If you look up "drunken fuckwit" in the urban dictionary, you'll find a pic of this neanderthal. The Footy Show played a clip featuring his tamest work on Brownlow night...can't wait to see the uncut version. My Brisbane Lions have signed him up now...knowing that I live in the same city as this guy is making me a bit nervous...
SERENA WILLIAMS: Tennis can be a frustrating game. In my playing days, I smashed a lot of rackets, and they all deserved it. I had numerous temper tantrums, cursed and spluttered at the injustice of it all, and occasionally entertained thoughts of jumping the net and wrapping my racket around my opponent's throat. But my antics as a youngster can't compare to the beastly Serena's crazed outburst for all the world to see at the U.S Open. She's one bad-ass, mean mofo when she's riled up...
Boy...you in the wrong part o' town!So there you have it. I know there's so many more but these were the highlights and lowlights of 2009 for me. So remember all you sports stars, keep it together or you could find yourself on the 2010 list. And keep it in your pants...or Joey Greco will get you!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
An Excerpt From The Captain's Diary 2009
August 23, 6:30pm, The Oval, London: Sitting in a quiet dressing room, I put my head into my hands and the questions start. Why? How? Then I remember something that Andrew Hilditch said: "Look Punter, we've lost Warne, McGrath, Gillespie, Gilchrist, Hayden, Langer"...It makes me feel a bit better. It's not my fault. The boys tried their hardest, even Mitch with all his dramas. Poor guy. What a mean mum he's got. Yeah, we tried our best but we were such a young team. If only Brett Lee had of been fit. Might have been a different story then you Pommy bastards. Did I do all I could as captain? Yeah, I did my best. Made the right calls. What the fuck would people back home know? They weren't here in the trenches with my inexperienced squad and the selection panel. Fucking Aussie media and armchair experts. I can just imagine what those fuckers at WHAB are writing. The English media think I'm doing a great job. The Poms were just too good. They'll go down in history as a truly great side. I'll tell my boys how proud I am of them. Sure we lost the Ashes again, but we tried hard against a superior opponent, so we can hold our heads high. Like Andrew Hilditch whispered in my ear just now; "we've set the foundations to build for the future". He's right. The man knows what he's talking about. Knows cricket inside and out. Knows the right things to say. What are you looking at Sarfraz? Fucking extra baggage you were. Young Phil looks pretty dejected. Poor guy. He had to go though. Shane Watson is the future, already with a couple of nice 50's to his name. Plenty of big centuries around the corner. Some nice bowling too. The more I look around, it seems the harder my team tried. We'll take this pain - the pain of losing the Ashes, and we'll take the pain of losing the Ashes before as well, and use those losses as fuel for our Ashes 2013 tour. They say you have to lose an Ashes tour or two, or even three before you can appreciate winning one. We'll be back Poms. I'll be back...until then I'll imagine what it feels like to lift the urn and scream to the heavens: "Fuck you WHAB!"......
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Cricket: Assessing the Aussies for the rest of the summer.
I'm no Ponting/Hilditch fan... let me get this out there for those who don't know that already. But I guess an opening gambit for me is that the West Indies team we ran into in Adelaide were of a fairly high standard and a draw in and of itself is no shame. The Windies have a fairly strong batting lineup all things considered, with Gayle, Chanders, Sarwan and a couple of new players that have some real class about them. Bravo is a dangerous and highly talented number six, and even the Nash is not disgraced as a grinding middle order type.
The bowling is not quite as solid, and they haven't really shown the ability to run through the Aussies. I'm fairly high on Roach, Benn is the kind of player that traditionally gives the Aussies (and noone else) trouble, Bravo is solid enough and Rampaul is well, rubbish.
There seems to be few concerns in the Australian batting. I'd be keen to move Hussey to opener for the remainder of the summer. It seems to be the old ball that troubles him, though I could see him prolonging his career as an opening partner for Katich for the next four years. Without the move, I think he struggles to see out the summer. Watson has surprised the hell out of me with his bowling. North is the guy who for me doesn't see next summer in this lineup. He has played well to date, but his spin bowling is fairly pedestrian and as a batsman I'm not sure what he offered to keep the unlucky Brad Hodge away from test cricket.
Bowling is a shambles at the moment. Without getting to spin - the crux of this post - the pace attack is not looking particularly strong. Hilfenhaus when fit is leading the attack. Bollinger is the best left arm option in the country and then it's a big question mark. Mitchell (I'm Mitch now) Johnson somehow took 8 wickets in this test. I'm staggered by his 50 wicket calendar year - he is just awful. I'm going to try and plot his wicket balls through the year - I'll put money on 70% of these wickets coming from pies. And he's a giant vagina. The Captain sent me a message on Saturday along the lines of "Johnson has had a fight with his mummy this morning. Not allowed to bowl like a man." I laughed hysterically. Siddle has looked like a guy playing injured and then what's left? Sarfraz would potentially complement this group the best but what's he got to do? Watson is so much better with the ball at test level than I ever thought he would be.
Spin? When I watch Hauritz trundle in I ask one question. Honestly. Would Mark Waugh circa 1995 be Australia's first choice spinner? He's basically Nathan Hauritz in a pair of shades. I say fuck risk and throw Smith into the next test. If you believe he can bat 6, you can play four seamers at the WACA or at a lot of other grounds you can play Krez as well.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
WORLD CUP DRAW LIVE AND INTOXICATED!!!
Welcome to the FIFA World Cup Draw *Live* on WHAB, your home of drunken *Live* stuff!
South Africa "welcomes us with open arms"...just try stepping outside of Jo'burg airport...
The entertainment is a cross between Play School, Lion King the musical and Milli Vanilli armed with an electric guitar (not plugged in)!
Am I that drunk or is Nelson Mandela speaking Swahili?!
You suck Sepp Blatter. I abhor you...
It's a love story, baby just pay me lots of cash...
Where do we kick off? I'm only the President of FIFA, how the fuck would I know?!
The chick hosting this has things growing from her ears...
Africa this, Africa that...all the while Blatter is getting his balls licked under the table...
Said chick hosting had those things cut off...
Charlize!
Okay, enough already. I haven't slept for days. Let's get on with it. It's nearly 4am here. Fuck the shy homo leopard mascot. God, what a faggot mascot. Enough. Let's draw motherfuckers.
Elephants are cool though...they got skillz!
This is getting increasingly homosexual...
Clear as mud!
Group A: South Africa, Mexico, Uruguay, France
Group B: Argentina, Korea Republic, Nigeria, Greece
Group C: England, USA, Algeria, Slovenia
Group D: Germany, Australia, Ghana, Serbia
Group E: Netherlands, Japan, Cameroon, Denmark
Group F: Italy, New Zealand, Paraguay, Slovakia
Group G: Brazil, Korea DPR, Cote D'Ivoire, Portugal
Group H: Spain, Honduras, Chile, Switzerland
There you have it: Germany, Ghana and Serbia...looks pretty tricky but could have been worse...discussion forthcoming...!
South Africa "welcomes us with open arms"...just try stepping outside of Jo'burg airport...
The entertainment is a cross between Play School, Lion King the musical and Milli Vanilli armed with an electric guitar (not plugged in)!
Am I that drunk or is Nelson Mandela speaking Swahili?!
You suck Sepp Blatter. I abhor you...
It's a love story, baby just pay me lots of cash...
Where do we kick off? I'm only the President of FIFA, how the fuck would I know?!
The chick hosting this has things growing from her ears...
Africa this, Africa that...all the while Blatter is getting his balls licked under the table...
Said chick hosting had those things cut off...
Charlize!
Okay, enough already. I haven't slept for days. Let's get on with it. It's nearly 4am here. Fuck the shy homo leopard mascot. God, what a faggot mascot. Enough. Let's draw motherfuckers.
Elephants are cool though...they got skillz!
This is getting increasingly homosexual...
Clear as mud!
Group A: South Africa, Mexico, Uruguay, France
Group B: Argentina, Korea Republic, Nigeria, Greece
Group C: England, USA, Algeria, Slovenia
Group D: Germany, Australia, Ghana, Serbia
Group E: Netherlands, Japan, Cameroon, Denmark
Group F: Italy, New Zealand, Paraguay, Slovakia
Group G: Brazil, Korea DPR, Cote D'Ivoire, Portugal
Group H: Spain, Honduras, Chile, Switzerland
There you have it: Germany, Ghana and Serbia...looks pretty tricky but could have been worse...discussion forthcoming...!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Who do we want to draw?
From the seeded pot, I think you'd want to steer clear of Brazil, Germany and Spain. These are seeded teams, so there's no easy wins there. South Africa would obviously be the best results from Pot A but I'd happily take my chances to get a result out of England or Argentina (in their current malaise) as well. Of course, if I could beat any team in this world cup it would be England, closely followed by Italy. I hate the poms so much. Netherlands at full strength are my tip to take this out, and we played pretty well against their B squad but I'd like to avoid that. I'll also take the chance to post a pic of my favourite Jaaaapie. Not that there's a lot of competition.
Preferences here:
England, South Africa, Argentina, Italy, Germany, Brazil, Spain, Netherlands.
From Pot three, it's really just an enormous shitfight. You could make a case for drawing most of these teams as a "soft" option, though you could also prefer to avoid them all for reasons unknown. Paraguay and Chile qualified handsomely for this cup - Paraguay taking Brazil's scalp along the way. Eased off the throttle after qualifying, otherwise could have topped the South American group. That's great form. Chile got off to a slow start in the qualifiers, to romp home and have been the hottest team in South America in 2009. If you have to draw a South American, may I suggest U-R-Gay.
Of the Africans, Algeria is tipped to be relatively weak, though I don't necessarily concur. They'll be a stout defensive team that came through a relatively strong African group and I'd say they are the most underestimated African nation, possibly as they don't have that Sub-Saharan darling thing in their favour. Ghana look weak, it's last two starts resulting in a draw with Mali and a loss to Benin. The Ivory Coast and Nigeria look the class of the Africans.
If I have to put my preferences down here, I'll go
Ghana - Uruguay - Cameroon - Algeria - Ivory Coast - Chile - Nigeria - Paraguay.
The Europe Group is a bit of a mess to list my preferences.
I hate the Swiss. They share a border with the Dutch, charge $20 for a McValue meal and hate you for your general relaxed happy outlook on life. I'll take them in a heartbeat. Even with the aged Stefan Henchoz in tow. I'd happily draw the Danes for one reason alone,
Beyond that, Greece Serbia and either of the Slovs would be good. All I'll be saying is not France or Portugal.
Group of ease:
Switzerland - Ghana - South Africa
Group with tasty fans
Germany - Paraguay - Denmark (France and the freaky deaky Dutch get an honourable mention. I don't do that whole Brazil = hot thing, but you might think differently.)
Group of Douche (almost all in the same pool; you'd typically say England - Italy - Brazil)
ENG-A-LAND - U-R-Gay - Portugal
Group of Death
Netherlands - Portugal - Paraguay
Anyway, comment away. Particularly if you want to debate my hot fan thing.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
FIFA World Cup Draw!
WHAB will be reporting *live* from Cape Town for the FIFA World Cup 2010 draw where we will find out who our mighty Socceroos will be pitted against. Will we get the group of niggle with New Zealand, "Look at this country...U R Gay", and those diving bitch Italians? Brazil again? Tim Cahill's whipping boys Japan? Or the unstoppable Honduras...Honduras?! Don't be soft, join us at 4am AEDT, with beer in hand!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
For My Fellow Hoops Fans:
I'm sure you'll agree to the necessity of this e-mail I sent to ESPN Australia.
"For two out of the past three weeks, you guys have screwed up the top 10 plays of the week on NBA Action. 3 weeks ago, it cut straight to Sportscentre without showing them. This week, after an overly long ad for Vancouver 2010, we were able to catch only the top 7 plays. The ONLY REASON THAT PEOPLE WATCH NBA ACTION IS FOR THE TOP 10 PLAYS OF THE WEEK. After consulting everybody I know that is into basketball (i.e. a lot of people!), I can say that is a fact. We don't care about the Sounds Of The Game. We don't need to go Around The League because we already know what happened earlier in the week. We basketball fans want the TOP 10 (TEN) PLAYS OF THE WEEK. Not Sportscentre. Not the top 7 plays of the week. The TOP 10 (TEN). I think you get the drift..."
Captain. Out.
"For two out of the past three weeks, you guys have screwed up the top 10 plays of the week on NBA Action. 3 weeks ago, it cut straight to Sportscentre without showing them. This week, after an overly long ad for Vancouver 2010, we were able to catch only the top 7 plays. The ONLY REASON THAT PEOPLE WATCH NBA ACTION IS FOR THE TOP 10 PLAYS OF THE WEEK. After consulting everybody I know that is into basketball (i.e. a lot of people!), I can say that is a fact. We don't care about the Sounds Of The Game. We don't need to go Around The League because we already know what happened earlier in the week. We basketball fans want the TOP 10 (TEN) PLAYS OF THE WEEK. Not Sportscentre. Not the top 7 plays of the week. The TOP 10 (TEN). I think you get the drift..."
Captain. Out.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Exclusive Andrew Hilditch Interview
Ahead of the Test series against the Windies, WHAB caught up with the mastermind behind our selections, Andrew Hilditch.
Insert your own caption here_______________
WHAB: Welcome to WHAB.
AH: Thank you.
WHAB: First things first; how do you justify the lack of sackings after the disastrous Ashes tour?
AH: Disastrous? I don't think that's the right word. The phrase I prefer to use is "learning curve". We lost guys of the calibre of Warne, McGrath, Gilchrist, Langer, Hayden, the Waugh brothers, Border, Big Merv and Boony in the last few years so it was always going to be close to impossible to beat such a talented England side.
WHAB: Right...that actually created even more questions...didn't we lose those guys years ago? And most would say that the England side was one of the weakest and most beatable in Ashes history...
AH: Well they dusted us off so they couldn't have been that bad. And yes, we missed those guys greatly. We're in a rebuilding phase at the moment; we haven't been able to replace those guys and probably won't for many more years yet.
WHAB: Forgive me for being blunt Andrew, but to me that just sounds like a copout and an excuse for you to keep your job.
AH: Now listen son...we were never going to win the Ashes despite the best efforts of our Captain and his inexperienced squad. But we have to move on. These things take time but we're looking forward now to the West Indies and another challenging series.
WHAB: A challenging Test series against the West Indies? Are you joking?
AH: No, I'm most certainly not. They are a dangerous side and I'm anticipating a closely fought series.
WHAB: You'd be about the only one. I'm not going to mince words here Andrew; it seems to me that you are trying to make us all believe that Australia are worse than they really are and that other sides are better than they really are, in order to justify your position, the positions of your fellow selectors, and the position of your Captain.
AH: That's ridiculous. Nothing more than hearsay and conjecture.
WHAB (muffled): Douchebag...
AH: Sorry, I didn't quite catch that...
WHAB: So, how are we shaping up for the First Test?
AH: It's going to be tough. Without Warne, McGrath, Gilchrist and the likes
WHAB (coughs): Bullshit...
AH: Pardon?
WHAB: Now answer me this; did Stuart Clark shag your missus? Is that why he is continually overlooked for selection?
AH: That's preposterous. If he is not selected for a series, then it is because he's not the right man for the job. Plus we've got a good young crop of pace bowlers coming through, most of which can bowl 150 km/h, which is very exciting.
WHAB: Are you sure he didn't run over your dog?
AH: No. Why is it that no-one in this country believes that we have at least 6 pace bowlers who are a better option than Stuart Clark?
WHAB: That is perplexing isn't it? Now Dean Jones said recently that "When you lose the Ashes, normally someone's throat gets cut. Now they just get paid more". How do you respond to such criticism?
AH: Well, like I said earlier, we've lost some of the all-time greats in Warne, McGrath, Gilchrist,
WHAB (muffled): Fuck me...
AH: Sorry, what was that?
WHAB: Nothing Andrew. I think that's about all for today. That's definitely all I can take...
AH: Well thanks for having me. Look, we dominated the run-scorers and wicket-takers in the Ashes, so there are positives moving forward.
WHAB: ......................................I....need.....a......fucking......drink.........................................................
Insert your own caption here_______________WHAB: Welcome to WHAB.
AH: Thank you.
WHAB: First things first; how do you justify the lack of sackings after the disastrous Ashes tour?
AH: Disastrous? I don't think that's the right word. The phrase I prefer to use is "learning curve". We lost guys of the calibre of Warne, McGrath, Gilchrist, Langer, Hayden, the Waugh brothers, Border, Big Merv and Boony in the last few years so it was always going to be close to impossible to beat such a talented England side.
WHAB: Right...that actually created even more questions...didn't we lose those guys years ago? And most would say that the England side was one of the weakest and most beatable in Ashes history...
AH: Well they dusted us off so they couldn't have been that bad. And yes, we missed those guys greatly. We're in a rebuilding phase at the moment; we haven't been able to replace those guys and probably won't for many more years yet.
WHAB: Forgive me for being blunt Andrew, but to me that just sounds like a copout and an excuse for you to keep your job.
AH: Now listen son...we were never going to win the Ashes despite the best efforts of our Captain and his inexperienced squad. But we have to move on. These things take time but we're looking forward now to the West Indies and another challenging series.
WHAB: A challenging Test series against the West Indies? Are you joking?
AH: No, I'm most certainly not. They are a dangerous side and I'm anticipating a closely fought series.
WHAB: You'd be about the only one. I'm not going to mince words here Andrew; it seems to me that you are trying to make us all believe that Australia are worse than they really are and that other sides are better than they really are, in order to justify your position, the positions of your fellow selectors, and the position of your Captain.
AH: That's ridiculous. Nothing more than hearsay and conjecture.
WHAB (muffled): Douchebag...
AH: Sorry, I didn't quite catch that...
WHAB: So, how are we shaping up for the First Test?
AH: It's going to be tough. Without Warne, McGrath, Gilchrist and the likes
WHAB (coughs): Bullshit...
AH: Pardon?
WHAB: Now answer me this; did Stuart Clark shag your missus? Is that why he is continually overlooked for selection?
AH: That's preposterous. If he is not selected for a series, then it is because he's not the right man for the job. Plus we've got a good young crop of pace bowlers coming through, most of which can bowl 150 km/h, which is very exciting.
WHAB: Are you sure he didn't run over your dog?
AH: No. Why is it that no-one in this country believes that we have at least 6 pace bowlers who are a better option than Stuart Clark?
WHAB: That is perplexing isn't it? Now Dean Jones said recently that "When you lose the Ashes, normally someone's throat gets cut. Now they just get paid more". How do you respond to such criticism?
AH: Well, like I said earlier, we've lost some of the all-time greats in Warne, McGrath, Gilchrist,
WHAB (muffled): Fuck me...
AH: Sorry, what was that?
WHAB: Nothing Andrew. I think that's about all for today. That's definitely all I can take...
AH: Well thanks for having me. Look, we dominated the run-scorers and wicket-takers in the Ashes, so there are positives moving forward.
WHAB: ......................................I....need.....a......fucking......drink.........................................................
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Worst Play-Call Ever!
Your Patriots team is up by 6 with 2 minutes to go against the Colts on the road. It's 4th and 2 on your own 30 yard line. You go for it?!?! Now 2 years ago I would have called this arrogance of the highest order, but they were so unstoppable then that it would probably have been a good call. But when you're 2 games behind the Colts this season, the only thing to call this now is fucking stupidity. Bill Belichick must surely have the onset of senility. You're not turning it over to Jamarcus Russell here! Rather, gift-wrapping another TD pass for Peyton Manning (the reigning MVP), gift wrapping the Colts the top seed in the AFC, and looking like a general assclown.
And the Senile Old Coach Of The Week Award goes to...
And the Senile Old Coach Of The Week Award goes to...Tuesday, November 10, 2009
TAB...Yes they still make it...only for me!
With Spring Carnival burnout well upon us here at WHAB and Tiger-mania sweeping Australia, we thought we'd revisit Tiger's classic ESPY award speech from last year!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
GREATEST MELBOURNE CUP PREVIEW EVER
Hello and welcome to the Greatest Melbourne Cup Preview Ever. Forget about your shitty newspaper previews with all their ass-sucking. Channel 7 and their vomitous coverage. WHAB is where it's at for the first Tuesday of November. Special guests include Bart Cummings and Ramzan Kadyrov. Unfortunately, Vigor couldn't be here because the VRC are softcocks. At this juncture, WHAB would like to call for a public apology to the punters from Lee Freedman for his ultimately fucked decision to run Speed Gifted in the Cox Plate rather than the Caulfield Cup, which culminated in him jarring up on the hard track and being scratched from the Melbourne Cup. Maybe you could get some airtime with your brother Richard on Channel 7 to issue this apology; look right down the camera, as if looking us in the eye...and say it like you mean it pal. But enough surliness; it's time for WHAB's Greatest Ever Melbourne Cup Preview. Ever.
1. VIEWED (9) 58 Bart Cummings /Brad Rawiller
Captain: To quote cricket commentator David Lloyd; ''e's been thar, 'e's dun thart, 'e's got tha tee shirt'. If you substitute 'thar' with 'to Flemington', 'dun thart' with 'run out the 3200m' and 'tee shirt' with 'Melbourne Cup 2008 Winner sash', then he's spot on. When Viewed won last year, he had not much form to speak of. His form is superb this time in and I am laying down a large wager on him here. According to super-dooper master trainer Cups King extraordinaire and all round racing genius Bart Cummings, he's a long shot to go back to back here, just like So You Think was a hugely surprising winner for Bart in the Cox Plate: "Sure, he won the Caulfield Cup by 2 1/4 lengths, but he was incredibly lucky. It's hard to win one Melbourne Cup, let alone two with the same horse. I'd rate him a 40/1 shot. But you never know in this game mate". Alright, enough Bart spin-doctoring already. To quote myself in our Caulfield Cup preview: "He won the Melbourne Cup last year with highly dubious form, so if his form this campaign is strong, a little piece of the Viewed/Viewed Caulfield Cup/Melbourne Cup double at around the $120 mark will hold you in good stead, lest the Cups King clean up again.". Hope a few of you took that on board.
Professor: Not a Bart fan. Even so I can appreciate the case of Viewed. Nice Caulfield Cup run, obviously will get the 3200. Viewed is going significantly better this year than he was last year, though he has more weight and the field is a couple of notches better as well. Hard to not see Viewed in the top four.
JB: Having rewatched the Caulfield I would agree with Bart that Viewed got a very fortuitous ride on the inside along the rail. With Bart being Bart, I think that Viewed wasn't meant to win the Caulfield, but the ride opened and Rawiller took it. This horse is primed for the M' Cup. That being said, I'm not so certain that all will go to plan for B. Cummings with Viewed. Mind you, the man has a stacked field in his favour with Roman Emperor (2nd in the Caufield) and Allez Wonder (1st in the Toorak) as well. The very interesting Cummings story is indeed Allez Wonder vs Viewed. Allez Wonder is owned by Cummings whereas Viewed is owned by Tan Chin Nam - a long time business partner.
2. C'EST LA GUERRE (7) 55.5 John Sadler/Nicholas Hall
Captain: Was ticking along okay until the Caulfield Cup shocker where he apparently pulled up lame. The problem with Lloyd Williams owned horses is that no-one can ever get anything out of the man with respect to injuries. He is a spin doctor who does everything he can to the dash hopes of punters who have hit, or want to hit early markets. Though you never want to take a horse who is possibly not 100% in a two mile race, the VRC vets have passed him fit to run, so if you're needing another at nice odds to throw into your exotics, try CLG. Especially if it rains.
Professor: I haven't seen much to like in any of his runs. That being said, I'm confident of about five of these fucking hacks running a solid two miles and this is one of them.
JB: Third last year, but in considerably worse form. With this field you have to start knocking out the would be chances. Having said that I got on early for CLG to place, but not confident enough to recommend the same to you all.
3. FIUMICINO (24) 55.5 Wayne & John Hawkes/Steven King
Captain: Here's one I was thinking of throwing in my multiples until he drew the dreaded outside gate. Ran a nice Caulfield Cup for 5th at big odds. Anything under 2400m for this guy is considered nothing more than warm-up stretches so you'd think the trip would suit. However, I just watched his Sydney Cup run and he was moonwalking the last furlong. But was that crap run because he's horribly inconsistent or because he didn't get the trip? Who knows? This is also much harder than the Sydney Cup. So considering that, there's a good chance he'll be posted wide the trip, he might well be doing another Michael Jackson impersonation down the Flemington straight. If he can somehow find a handy spot, he could be a place chance.
Professor: Never sure which Fui will show up. I've recommended you good people once too often to take a piece of this at odds based on something. Something I can't remember any more, but I stay. Why do I stay?
JB: In the Caulfied this guy put a lot of work in early to go to the front, in the straight it appeared like he was keeping something back. I like this horse but don't think the Hawkes group have figured out how to win a Melbourne Cup just yet. Not in my final selections.
4. MASTER O'REILLY (16) 55 Danny O'Brien/Vlad Duric
Captain: Good finish in the Caulfield Cup from wide and deep (i.e. the really shitty part of the track). In fact, all his runs this time in have been good. 8th in this race in 2007, 4th last year, I for one won't be surprised to see him finish in the placings. And if he wins, well I took him at $21's, so I have slight overs there.
Professor: In a race that gave it every chance it didn't exactly flash home in the Caulfield Cup. That being said, every run this prep has been solid. Melbourne Cup lead-up solid. In the absence of a top field, this kind of consistent prep could be enough.
JB: Fourth last year behind Viewed. Viewed is in arguably better form than last year and Master O in worse form. That doesn't add up to M.Cup victory and I'll be having nothing of it.
5. MOURILYAN (14) 54.5 Herman Brown/Glyn Schofield
Captain: One of the unknown quantities in this year's Cup, so WHAB caught up with owner Ramzan Kadyrov, overlord of Chechnya, to try to get some inside information.
WHAB: Can I call you RK champ?
RK: No.
WHAB: Okay Mr. Kadyrov, how's Mourilyan looking for the Melbourne Cup?
RK: If he doesn't win, I kidnap and torture him shit horse.
WHAB: Right...and if he wins, how will you celebrate?
RK: I will shoot everything with gold gun and make gold horse.
WHAB: Aha...An Australian senator Bob Brown has condemned your horse being allowed to run in the Melbourne Cup given the question marks on your human rights record. What do you say to him?
RK: Fuck you pig I kill you and your family. And dogs and cats. And budgie. I take shit in his Prius.
WHAB: Easy there big fella! Any last thoughts on Tuesday's race?
RK: I've already killed who I should have killed. And I will kill all of those standing behind them, as long as I myself am not killed or jailed. I will be killing as long as I live.
WHAB: Yes, technically nothing to do with the Cup, but thanks for your time Mr. Luna..., sorry, Mr. Kadyrov...
Wow, what a fucking lunatic. Had to hightail it outta that interview! I sincerely hope this guy doesn't add the Melbourne Cup to his trophy cabinet of human skulls and gold-plated things.
Professor: Not sure what to say after that. Possibly the best of the internationals, but this year I could find 10 Guatemalan stayers better. Fuck, I could find 2 Guatemalans, dress them in a horse costume and they'd be the best of the international runners.
JB: Every year there is a beat up of the international horses that come down for this race, some just can't stand internationals full stop, some can't forgive the much hype that these horses receive for very sporadic returns. That being said, this horse may actually have the goods. A genuine 2 miler and although has been shipped out to no less than 4 different million dollar plus races in four different countries (Canada, Singapore, Hong Kong and Dubai) with his best performance an 8 from 16 in the Dubai Sheema Classic, the trainers seemed to have only just realised this horse wants more than 2400. The biggest problem is that his current rides over 3200m would really only see him competive in the Melbourne Cups of the 1940s'. At $21 I will have a piece but will leave it to you if you want the whole thing!
6. ROMAN EMPEROR (15) 54.5 Bart Cummings/Hugh Bowman
Captain: Ran a great race just off the speed in the Caulfield Cup, just found one better (and how). This is one I would like to see longer odds on to get really interested. You never know if a horse will run the 3200m right out until they get there; I think that the Emperor is a year shy of running a cracking Melbourne Cup. It's hard to see him turning the tables on Viewed as he had every chance to beat him at Caulfield, and Viewed will liklely be better suited at the longer trip. The Emperor, I'm not so sure about for this year...but the way Bart's going, his runners will probably fill out the trifecta. Bart...so hot right now! Okay, that just felt weird...
Professor: A sensible bet based on its showing in the Caulfield. Best of the on-pace brigade there. Given the likelihood of some early speed I think that this race won't suit its pattern. With Daffodil at $16's, this offers no value at all.
JB: I think that the Caulfield Cup is the best we will see from this horse. I won't laugh at anyone for singing the Roman story but not where my money is.
7. ISTA KAREEM (23) 53.5 Colin Little/Luke Nolen
Captain: One I was seriously looking at until his shocking run at the Valley last start. I reckon that can be put down to the Speed Gifted-ending-hard track at the Valley. Previously he'd had 3 runs over a trip at the Valley and his worst result was a 1.5L win. He is a lot better than that run. A bit of give and I'll forgive, and throw this Sydney Cup winner in my multiples. In fact, even in the dry, I'm throwing him in and just hoping he doesn't get slopped up by the barrier.
Professor: Actually stays the trip which puts him in my top few. At a squillion to one, I'll have a little each way here.
JB: A lot to like about this horse who will miss the attention of most punters. 'Forgive last run' is a term that is loosely thrown around, but when it comes to any performance at the Valley I'm a lot more willing to forgive. Will depend on your appetite for risk but not the worst horse to have in your work sweeps and a bit of shrapnel to place.
8. CRIME SCENE (11) 53 Saeed Bin Suroor/Kerrin McEvoy
Captain: I will probably create a Crime Scene if this guy wins, as it won't make any sense, and I'm at my unpredictable best when things don't make sense. On his Geelong Cup run, he's no hope.
Professor: Here's a Crime Scene that everyone can pass. Including me. Pass.
JB: If you're looking for something here to support your plunge on this horse then keep looking. I don't like the Crime Scene and if you get in my way to the bar on Cup day talking up the Crime Scene then I will take out your knee caps.
9. MUNSEF (5) 53 Ian Williams/Zac Purton
Captain: Why does some shitty Listed Race in the UK guarantee you a fucking Melbourne Cup start? How can a horse run 3rd in the Caulfield Cup and win the Group 1 Makybe Diva Stks not make the field, yet a horse who has not raced in a Group 1, not won a Group race, and quite frankly, done sweet FA, is gifted saddlecloth 9. If the VRC had any common sense, Vigor would be in this field. You're next Gallions Reach...
Professor: I won't slop up Mun-son too much as it is ridden by the Zac-attack and looks to be some chance at running this out. Probably too one paced but not the worst.
JB: I expect this horse to be munsoned - again!
10. ZAVITE (3) 53 Anthony Cummings/Mark Zahra
Captain: One-paced fella who I spruiked for a certain place in the Saab (I refuse to call it the Lexus, Black Saab RULES!), though he didn't run there. He's moved on to bigger and better things, like the Adelaide Cup. Being honest, he ran a pretty good race in the Caulfield Cup for 9th. Still being honest, I couldn't back him to win the Melbourne Cup, even if you held a nutcracker to my balls, though he's definitely not the worst. Is going to be in a pretty handy spot from gate 3. Maybe a place chance.
Professor: Runs the trip, again that could be enough here to grundle into the prize money. And it will grundle.
JB:Definitely a place chance, but more likely 5th-9th place. I'm not betting on every horse, I recommend you do the same.
11. ALCOPOP (12) 52.5 Jake Stephens/Dom Tourneur
Captain: The only Alcopop I'll be hitting at $5.50 on Cup day is over-priced Johnnie Walker cans. His price is a bit ridiculous given that he is sharing the top line with a Melbourne Cup winner. Unproven at trip, and in a field of this class. On top of that, the connections missed the deadline to pay up for the Caulfield Cup, so I have to wonder, do they really know what they're doing? How do you forget something like that? Dum da dum dum dum. Take the $5.50 if you really want to and good luck with that fairytale.
Professor: This one has the WHAB team divided. I actually think it is good enough to win this. The Herbert Power run was pretty damn nice. $5.50 is tight for a horse that hasn't really competed with the best yet so I'll more than likely leave it out, but a really strong chance.
JB: I like the whole background fairytale of this horse, the once out rounding up sheep but now racing for the Melbourne Cup deal. I'm not betting this horse can win the Cup but would rather this story be on the front page of Wednesday's paper and not Bart Cummings. Drawn perfectly in the barriers and nicely weighted, has every chance if good enough, I jsut don't think it is.
12. HARRIS TWEED (20) 52.5 Murray & Bjorn Baker/Craig Newitt
Captain: He just hasn't come up as a 4.y.o, and it's an unfair ask for a horse which could have been a pretty handy stayer next year, but probably won't because connections asked too much of him this prep. Not sure I'd trust a guy named Bjorn to co-train my Melbourne hopeful either...
Professor: Not going well enough this prep, but like many of these it may be looking for this extra ground. At $101 it could be a sneaky place chance, but I'll need a few schooners tomorrow to really plead its case.
JB: At the end of the day, I don't think this guy will have the class to win. Could place but I prefer others. Don't expect me to be jumping around spilling my drink if this wins, furthermore, if he does win and you spill your drink on me - I will not look lightly upon the matter.
13. KIBBUTZ (8) 52.5 Jarrod McLean/Chris Symons
Captain: Okay, we're down to number 13 now, and there's been no talk of shedding skin. If Kibbutz wins, I'll go on a nude charity run around Australia, and I will take no shortcuts.
Professor: Whenever I see the Yellow and Blue hoops, I think of the evil Dr. Annenkov. Kibbutz can't win.
JB: I like Kibbutz but seriously this horse will not win. I will have a few dollars for the place but out of sentimentality. Save your money to buy your twenty seventh bevie for the day.
14. NEWPORT (18) 52.5 Paul Perry/Peter Wells
Captain: It's hard to see this guy winning when he's likely to hopelessly miss the start, throw the jockey, and then head off in the wrong direction.
Professor: Assuming he doesn't take a left turn out of the gates, this could pop up in the top four.
JB: I don't think that a horse running out of form will win this race and I know that Newport won't win this race on Tuesday.
15. WARRINGAH (17) 52.5 Chris Waller/Damien Oliver
Captain: Chris Waller has taken a leaf out of the David Hayes Book Of Soul-Lessness importing a stayer to win the Cup. I'm just about to transfer Oliver out of my Star Stable in protest. The Professor keeps telling me that this year's crop of internationals are rubbish, though I'm always wary of unknowns in racing. But I have to say, I agree with him this year. Plus Warringah reminds me of the Sea-Eagles from the NRL. There are no positives here people.
Professor: How arrogant are these fucking poms? I hereby nominate Zazabeau for the Arc de Triomphe fuckers. Yeah, Zazabeau. Eat it.
Look out you Frenchy fag-nasties, here comes Zazabeau!
JB: This years crop of internationals/ex-internationals is horrendous, of those I like Mourilyan, not this hack. You would have to be bloody good looking for me to stand and listen to you tell me about this thing.
16. GALLIONS REACH (6) 52 Richard Yuill/Dwayne Dunn
Captain: To the connections of this horse I'd just like to say that you are the most selfish motherfuckers in the history of racing. Accepting with a horse who couldn't place in the Bendigo Cup, and had no excuses, is either insanity, or a complete lack of consideration and respect for everyone in racing. Vigor should be in this field. What, was Danny O'Brien doing the rounds with your wives? I can think of no other reason, other than revenge or spite, why you'd accept for this race. To the VRC, you supposedly have discretionary powers...so fucking USE THEM!!! Common sense has not prevailed and you look like complete twats. The only upside for this one is if you get him in your sweep...he's $1.04 favourite for the wooden spoon.
Professor: I would tear up my sweep ticket if I got this one. I think he's an absolute certainty for second last and you don't win shit for second last.
JB: I didn't have early money on Vigor, but I did have early money on other horses that missed out. I feel the Captain's pain especially when this guy will do well to beat home 1 other horse on Tuesday.
17. SPIN AROUND (4) 52 Stephen Cooper/Mark Du Plessis
Captain: I'm starting to lose it with all these unworthy internationals...the eyes are glazing over...
Professor: Let's just hope the connections enjoy the spread in the owners box. Because if the Captain ever catches them they'll never wash the taste of nuts out of their mouths.
JB: Really, is this a tax dodge for some very rich fuckers or just an excuse to travel. Something has to be done! For me it is enjoying the majority of these horses get pantsed - this horse included.
18. BASALTICO (10) 51.5 Luca Cumani/Dan Nikolic
Captain: Whereas I respect the Cumani horses, this one looks as shite as the rest of the internationals. I expect this horse to run about 19th, but being trained by Cumani, he might be able to sneak into the top 12.
Professor: The Cumani's - crazy with success think they can get just about anything up for a Melbourne Cup. Try harder next year, guys.
JB: This horse has a chance of coming circa 6th-9th but you don't make money on horses that finish 6th-9th.
19. CAPECOVER (19) 51.5 Alexander R Fieldes/Noel Harris
Captain: It's just one non-contender after another here. Looks like he tops out at 2500m. Amazingly, after his Bendigo Cup run (which was a lot better than that of Gallions Reach), Kerrin McEvoy said that this guy is top 6 material for the Melbourne Cup...I mean, there's diplomacy, and then there's ball-stroking.
Professor: Honestly not as bad as many of these, but man this field lacks depth. Could go top.. 14.
JB: No!
20. DAFFODIL (21) 51.5 Kevin Gray/Chris Munce
Captain: I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to see a feasible Cup chance again, so thank you Daffodil. Unfortunately for the Professor, the gate might have killed her here. Nice Caulfield Cup run, but like Roman Emperor, I think she'll be a better two miler next year. Not without a chance, and by all means, include her in your multiples before any of these clownish UK horses.
Professor: One for my multiples. And, yes I mean orgasms. Nice Caulfield Cup run, probably carrying a bit too much condition there and hopefully ready to roll now. With no weight and a blistering turn of foot, the barrier will hopefully encourage the monkey to take her to the back. And of all the front page headlines on Wednesday : a) Bart b) Boss rides Changingoftheguard to glory c) the BATTLERS on Alcopop or d) The monkey goes from being sodomised by the triads in a HK jail to M Cup glory, I know what I want to read with my coffee.
JB: Best to include if for nothing else but to not have the professor in your ear for the rest of the day. But seriously has produced a few good rides, was hoping for a bit more on derby day, but most likely nothing more than a trial for the main game come Teusday.
21. SHOCKING (22) 51 Mark Kavanagh/Corey Brown
Captain: Finally did something in the Saab to justify him being a Cup chance. Before that, he'd run 2nd in the QLD Derby. My opinion is that it's just all too rushed for him; from that QLD Derby run to Melbourne Cup winner in 5 months? My hunch is that his Saab win will have taken the edge off him, having to back up 3 days later, and let's face it, he had a charmed run there.
Professor: I could talk up Hume at $40 to one after that Saab run, but I can't entertain this thing that got a charmed run at $10s. The Saab used to be called the Lean Cuisine. Fun fact. Seriously, if there is one horse in this field that I'm worried about taking my sweet $$ away it's shocking. Depending how the early races play out I may keep it safe.
JB: SAAB was a shit fight, so many horses got trapped behind a wall of shit, this horse was able to fight through. I won't bet on it, I don't recommend this horse to people I like. There are worse horses in this line up but can't see it taking out a place.
22. ALLEZ WONDER (13) 50.5 Bart Cummings/Michelle Payne
Captain: I would have thought the Toorak/Emirates double would be more his go. Faded badly in the Caulfield Cup and on that alone, you have to query him at the trip. A shame, the Emirates is such a shithouse 'Group 1', I would have unloaded on the Wonder there.
Professor: Not a chance. Was going backwards a long way from home in the Caulfield and again appears to be setting this race up on a platter for one of the stronger backmarkers - Viewed, Efficient and My Ding-a-ling. My pick for the Sandmason award - leading for maybe one mile and coming last.
JB: I've ruled a big black line through this horse - but it wouldn't surprise me. I have a few dollars on Viewed just so I won't want to stab everyone I see post race, I conceivably will do the same here but this is more an anger management strategy not a gambling one.
23. CHANGINGOFTHEGUARD (1) 50.5 David Hayes/Glen Boss
Captain: David Hayes' latest soul-less attempt to buy a Melbourne Cup with minimum time and effort on his part. How could he get any satisfaction by winning a Melbourne Cup with a horse he's trained for only a few months? A year or two is fair enough, but just a couple of months? Sadly this is David Hayes' idea of a fairytale Cup story. Hayes + lack of soul + Boss + foot abscess + huge international plunge = Fuck no.
David Hayes, lurking in the shadows of the Flemington grandstand...
Professor: The Ebor form looks good amongst the internationals. I might yield here. More than likely the best of the foreigners, well weighted and I can't believe I'm going to say this, good value.
JB: Not for me, hopefully not for the integrity of racing.
24. LEICA DING (2) 50.5 Darren Weir/Craig Williams
Captain: Won a really weak Geelong Cup and to me doesn't represent great value. The Professor knows I don't do times because there are two many variables down that path. That shit will do your head in. Looking at her 3000m win, I have not heard of any of those horses it beat. And I watch the races every week. I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure that Montahlia and Jeune Cheval are not leviathans of the turf. I'd be surprised if she wins, but a top 6 finish, even a placing, wouldn't surprise.
Professor: My out and out smoky for this race. 3200... it'll absolutely smash that. I watched and rewatched the Geelong cup and it's almost impossible not to get a little excited by a horse that sustains a run, initially on the fence and then well wide for about 800 metres. And without talking it up too much, it looked like another 800 (or 794) would be just fine. And for what it's worth, they ran the Geelong Cup 3 seconds quicker this year than last years winner Bauer. While Bauer had the big 400 metre sectional, Leica Ding came from further back and sustained an 800 metre run that to me has it in the On a Jeune stamp all over it. Viewed will be at the tail with it, so maybe the light weight will give it a chance to go with the topweight. If something wins this race at big odds, it's this guy.
JB: Well if anything is to be learned from Bauer in recent years is that the Geelong Cup isn't the worst form in the world. Leica Ding is this years Geelong Cup winner who beat home Dandaad by half a length. This horse has won at 3000m albeit at much lower level. Indeed the biggest fear for this horse is that he is yet to win at Grp 2 or higher but please note neither has Bauer. Biggest problem with this comparison is that although Leica Ding ran the Geelong Cup close to 3 seconds faster then Bauer in the previous year, Bauer's sectional was 2 seconds faster. This is my horse, this is my true Melbourne Cup gamble. I want this horse to win, I think this horse can win, my money will be on this horse to win! But safety first for the most of you punters out there, place this guy and laugh at the fools who were hanging from Bart's balls.
JB's Wrap Up
JB: I have money on VIEWED, it is the safe bet. The problem is I don't like safe betting. I like and have loaded up on LEICA DING and MOURILYAN. That's who I will be shouting out for down the Flemington straight if for nothing else but to spoil the Bart story.
Professor:
Captain's Selections
1. Viewed - I don't know why the Professor and JB are so down on Bart. Sure, he's a spin doctor, and sure it sucks when a seemingly out of form Bart horse nails your selection but I just can't be down on a guy who should have retired many years ago but is still training Melbourne Cup winners at 82 years of age. To me, that is racing at it's purest; an old codger, but still training Cup winners just for the love of racing. I fully expect him to make it 13 Cups tomorrow with a horse who in my opinion should be showing odds of $3 for this race. His Caulfield Cup win was dominant and he goes up only 1kg for a more suitable distance. I have unloaded people.
2. Master O'Reilly - Just looking like he wants the two miles this time in. All his runs this prep are sound. Should be thereabouts.
3. Roman Emperor - Tipping this guy to run 3rd has just highlighted a). the lack of depth in this year's field and b). the number of internationals that seem to be fucking hopeless on paper but that you have no real way of lining up till the race is run. Like I said, think he's a year shy of winning a Melbourne Cup, but he's better than most of these...and Bart is just so hot right now...
Others I'll work around for multiples include, C'est La Guerre, Leica Ding and Ista Kareem. Fuck the internationals. Fuck the ex-internationals. I would have been slotting Vigor into my multiples for sure.
1. VIEWED (9) 58 Bart Cummings /Brad Rawiller
Captain: To quote cricket commentator David Lloyd; ''e's been thar, 'e's dun thart, 'e's got tha tee shirt'. If you substitute 'thar' with 'to Flemington', 'dun thart' with 'run out the 3200m' and 'tee shirt' with 'Melbourne Cup 2008 Winner sash', then he's spot on. When Viewed won last year, he had not much form to speak of. His form is superb this time in and I am laying down a large wager on him here. According to super-dooper master trainer Cups King extraordinaire and all round racing genius Bart Cummings, he's a long shot to go back to back here, just like So You Think was a hugely surprising winner for Bart in the Cox Plate: "Sure, he won the Caulfield Cup by 2 1/4 lengths, but he was incredibly lucky. It's hard to win one Melbourne Cup, let alone two with the same horse. I'd rate him a 40/1 shot. But you never know in this game mate". Alright, enough Bart spin-doctoring already. To quote myself in our Caulfield Cup preview: "He won the Melbourne Cup last year with highly dubious form, so if his form this campaign is strong, a little piece of the Viewed/Viewed Caulfield Cup/Melbourne Cup double at around the $120 mark will hold you in good stead, lest the Cups King clean up again.". Hope a few of you took that on board.
Professor: Not a Bart fan. Even so I can appreciate the case of Viewed. Nice Caulfield Cup run, obviously will get the 3200. Viewed is going significantly better this year than he was last year, though he has more weight and the field is a couple of notches better as well. Hard to not see Viewed in the top four.
JB: Having rewatched the Caulfield I would agree with Bart that Viewed got a very fortuitous ride on the inside along the rail. With Bart being Bart, I think that Viewed wasn't meant to win the Caulfield, but the ride opened and Rawiller took it. This horse is primed for the M' Cup. That being said, I'm not so certain that all will go to plan for B. Cummings with Viewed. Mind you, the man has a stacked field in his favour with Roman Emperor (2nd in the Caufield) and Allez Wonder (1st in the Toorak) as well. The very interesting Cummings story is indeed Allez Wonder vs Viewed. Allez Wonder is owned by Cummings whereas Viewed is owned by Tan Chin Nam - a long time business partner.
2. C'EST LA GUERRE (7) 55.5 John Sadler/Nicholas Hall
Captain: Was ticking along okay until the Caulfield Cup shocker where he apparently pulled up lame. The problem with Lloyd Williams owned horses is that no-one can ever get anything out of the man with respect to injuries. He is a spin doctor who does everything he can to the dash hopes of punters who have hit, or want to hit early markets. Though you never want to take a horse who is possibly not 100% in a two mile race, the VRC vets have passed him fit to run, so if you're needing another at nice odds to throw into your exotics, try CLG. Especially if it rains.
Professor: I haven't seen much to like in any of his runs. That being said, I'm confident of about five of these fucking hacks running a solid two miles and this is one of them.
JB: Third last year, but in considerably worse form. With this field you have to start knocking out the would be chances. Having said that I got on early for CLG to place, but not confident enough to recommend the same to you all.
3. FIUMICINO (24) 55.5 Wayne & John Hawkes/Steven King
Captain: Here's one I was thinking of throwing in my multiples until he drew the dreaded outside gate. Ran a nice Caulfield Cup for 5th at big odds. Anything under 2400m for this guy is considered nothing more than warm-up stretches so you'd think the trip would suit. However, I just watched his Sydney Cup run and he was moonwalking the last furlong. But was that crap run because he's horribly inconsistent or because he didn't get the trip? Who knows? This is also much harder than the Sydney Cup. So considering that, there's a good chance he'll be posted wide the trip, he might well be doing another Michael Jackson impersonation down the Flemington straight. If he can somehow find a handy spot, he could be a place chance.
Professor: Never sure which Fui will show up. I've recommended you good people once too often to take a piece of this at odds based on something. Something I can't remember any more, but I stay. Why do I stay?
JB: In the Caulfied this guy put a lot of work in early to go to the front, in the straight it appeared like he was keeping something back. I like this horse but don't think the Hawkes group have figured out how to win a Melbourne Cup just yet. Not in my final selections.
4. MASTER O'REILLY (16) 55 Danny O'Brien/Vlad Duric
Captain: Good finish in the Caulfield Cup from wide and deep (i.e. the really shitty part of the track). In fact, all his runs this time in have been good. 8th in this race in 2007, 4th last year, I for one won't be surprised to see him finish in the placings. And if he wins, well I took him at $21's, so I have slight overs there.
Professor: In a race that gave it every chance it didn't exactly flash home in the Caulfield Cup. That being said, every run this prep has been solid. Melbourne Cup lead-up solid. In the absence of a top field, this kind of consistent prep could be enough.
JB: Fourth last year behind Viewed. Viewed is in arguably better form than last year and Master O in worse form. That doesn't add up to M.Cup victory and I'll be having nothing of it.
5. MOURILYAN (14) 54.5 Herman Brown/Glyn Schofield
Captain: One of the unknown quantities in this year's Cup, so WHAB caught up with owner Ramzan Kadyrov, overlord of Chechnya, to try to get some inside information.
WHAB: Can I call you RK champ?
RK: No.
WHAB: Okay Mr. Kadyrov, how's Mourilyan looking for the Melbourne Cup?
RK: If he doesn't win, I kidnap and torture him shit horse.
WHAB: Right...and if he wins, how will you celebrate?
RK: I will shoot everything with gold gun and make gold horse.
WHAB: Aha...An Australian senator Bob Brown has condemned your horse being allowed to run in the Melbourne Cup given the question marks on your human rights record. What do you say to him?
RK: Fuck you pig I kill you and your family. And dogs and cats. And budgie. I take shit in his Prius.
WHAB: Easy there big fella! Any last thoughts on Tuesday's race?
RK: I've already killed who I should have killed. And I will kill all of those standing behind them, as long as I myself am not killed or jailed. I will be killing as long as I live.
WHAB: Yes, technically nothing to do with the Cup, but thanks for your time Mr. Luna..., sorry, Mr. Kadyrov...
Wow, what a fucking lunatic. Had to hightail it outta that interview! I sincerely hope this guy doesn't add the Melbourne Cup to his trophy cabinet of human skulls and gold-plated things.
Professor: Not sure what to say after that. Possibly the best of the internationals, but this year I could find 10 Guatemalan stayers better. Fuck, I could find 2 Guatemalans, dress them in a horse costume and they'd be the best of the international runners.
JB: Every year there is a beat up of the international horses that come down for this race, some just can't stand internationals full stop, some can't forgive the much hype that these horses receive for very sporadic returns. That being said, this horse may actually have the goods. A genuine 2 miler and although has been shipped out to no less than 4 different million dollar plus races in four different countries (Canada, Singapore, Hong Kong and Dubai) with his best performance an 8 from 16 in the Dubai Sheema Classic, the trainers seemed to have only just realised this horse wants more than 2400. The biggest problem is that his current rides over 3200m would really only see him competive in the Melbourne Cups of the 1940s'. At $21 I will have a piece but will leave it to you if you want the whole thing!
6. ROMAN EMPEROR (15) 54.5 Bart Cummings/Hugh Bowman
Captain: Ran a great race just off the speed in the Caulfield Cup, just found one better (and how). This is one I would like to see longer odds on to get really interested. You never know if a horse will run the 3200m right out until they get there; I think that the Emperor is a year shy of running a cracking Melbourne Cup. It's hard to see him turning the tables on Viewed as he had every chance to beat him at Caulfield, and Viewed will liklely be better suited at the longer trip. The Emperor, I'm not so sure about for this year...but the way Bart's going, his runners will probably fill out the trifecta. Bart...so hot right now! Okay, that just felt weird...
Professor: A sensible bet based on its showing in the Caulfield. Best of the on-pace brigade there. Given the likelihood of some early speed I think that this race won't suit its pattern. With Daffodil at $16's, this offers no value at all.
JB: I think that the Caulfield Cup is the best we will see from this horse. I won't laugh at anyone for singing the Roman story but not where my money is.
7. ISTA KAREEM (23) 53.5 Colin Little/Luke Nolen
Captain: One I was seriously looking at until his shocking run at the Valley last start. I reckon that can be put down to the Speed Gifted-ending-hard track at the Valley. Previously he'd had 3 runs over a trip at the Valley and his worst result was a 1.5L win. He is a lot better than that run. A bit of give and I'll forgive, and throw this Sydney Cup winner in my multiples. In fact, even in the dry, I'm throwing him in and just hoping he doesn't get slopped up by the barrier.
Professor: Actually stays the trip which puts him in my top few. At a squillion to one, I'll have a little each way here.
JB: A lot to like about this horse who will miss the attention of most punters. 'Forgive last run' is a term that is loosely thrown around, but when it comes to any performance at the Valley I'm a lot more willing to forgive. Will depend on your appetite for risk but not the worst horse to have in your work sweeps and a bit of shrapnel to place.
8. CRIME SCENE (11) 53 Saeed Bin Suroor/Kerrin McEvoy
Captain: I will probably create a Crime Scene if this guy wins, as it won't make any sense, and I'm at my unpredictable best when things don't make sense. On his Geelong Cup run, he's no hope.
Professor: Here's a Crime Scene that everyone can pass. Including me. Pass.
JB: If you're looking for something here to support your plunge on this horse then keep looking. I don't like the Crime Scene and if you get in my way to the bar on Cup day talking up the Crime Scene then I will take out your knee caps.
9. MUNSEF (5) 53 Ian Williams/Zac Purton
Captain: Why does some shitty Listed Race in the UK guarantee you a fucking Melbourne Cup start? How can a horse run 3rd in the Caulfield Cup and win the Group 1 Makybe Diva Stks not make the field, yet a horse who has not raced in a Group 1, not won a Group race, and quite frankly, done sweet FA, is gifted saddlecloth 9. If the VRC had any common sense, Vigor would be in this field. You're next Gallions Reach...
Professor: I won't slop up Mun-son too much as it is ridden by the Zac-attack and looks to be some chance at running this out. Probably too one paced but not the worst.
JB: I expect this horse to be munsoned - again!
10. ZAVITE (3) 53 Anthony Cummings/Mark Zahra
Captain: One-paced fella who I spruiked for a certain place in the Saab (I refuse to call it the Lexus, Black Saab RULES!), though he didn't run there. He's moved on to bigger and better things, like the Adelaide Cup. Being honest, he ran a pretty good race in the Caulfield Cup for 9th. Still being honest, I couldn't back him to win the Melbourne Cup, even if you held a nutcracker to my balls, though he's definitely not the worst. Is going to be in a pretty handy spot from gate 3. Maybe a place chance.
Professor: Runs the trip, again that could be enough here to grundle into the prize money. And it will grundle.
JB:Definitely a place chance, but more likely 5th-9th place. I'm not betting on every horse, I recommend you do the same.
11. ALCOPOP (12) 52.5 Jake Stephens/Dom Tourneur
Captain: The only Alcopop I'll be hitting at $5.50 on Cup day is over-priced Johnnie Walker cans. His price is a bit ridiculous given that he is sharing the top line with a Melbourne Cup winner. Unproven at trip, and in a field of this class. On top of that, the connections missed the deadline to pay up for the Caulfield Cup, so I have to wonder, do they really know what they're doing? How do you forget something like that? Dum da dum dum dum. Take the $5.50 if you really want to and good luck with that fairytale.
Professor: This one has the WHAB team divided. I actually think it is good enough to win this. The Herbert Power run was pretty damn nice. $5.50 is tight for a horse that hasn't really competed with the best yet so I'll more than likely leave it out, but a really strong chance.
JB: I like the whole background fairytale of this horse, the once out rounding up sheep but now racing for the Melbourne Cup deal. I'm not betting this horse can win the Cup but would rather this story be on the front page of Wednesday's paper and not Bart Cummings. Drawn perfectly in the barriers and nicely weighted, has every chance if good enough, I jsut don't think it is.
12. HARRIS TWEED (20) 52.5 Murray & Bjorn Baker/Craig Newitt
Captain: He just hasn't come up as a 4.y.o, and it's an unfair ask for a horse which could have been a pretty handy stayer next year, but probably won't because connections asked too much of him this prep. Not sure I'd trust a guy named Bjorn to co-train my Melbourne hopeful either...
Professor: Not going well enough this prep, but like many of these it may be looking for this extra ground. At $101 it could be a sneaky place chance, but I'll need a few schooners tomorrow to really plead its case.
JB: At the end of the day, I don't think this guy will have the class to win. Could place but I prefer others. Don't expect me to be jumping around spilling my drink if this wins, furthermore, if he does win and you spill your drink on me - I will not look lightly upon the matter.
13. KIBBUTZ (8) 52.5 Jarrod McLean/Chris Symons
Captain: Okay, we're down to number 13 now, and there's been no talk of shedding skin. If Kibbutz wins, I'll go on a nude charity run around Australia, and I will take no shortcuts.
Professor: Whenever I see the Yellow and Blue hoops, I think of the evil Dr. Annenkov. Kibbutz can't win.
JB: I like Kibbutz but seriously this horse will not win. I will have a few dollars for the place but out of sentimentality. Save your money to buy your twenty seventh bevie for the day.
14. NEWPORT (18) 52.5 Paul Perry/Peter Wells
Captain: It's hard to see this guy winning when he's likely to hopelessly miss the start, throw the jockey, and then head off in the wrong direction.
Professor: Assuming he doesn't take a left turn out of the gates, this could pop up in the top four.
JB: I don't think that a horse running out of form will win this race and I know that Newport won't win this race on Tuesday.
15. WARRINGAH (17) 52.5 Chris Waller/Damien Oliver
Captain: Chris Waller has taken a leaf out of the David Hayes Book Of Soul-Lessness importing a stayer to win the Cup. I'm just about to transfer Oliver out of my Star Stable in protest. The Professor keeps telling me that this year's crop of internationals are rubbish, though I'm always wary of unknowns in racing. But I have to say, I agree with him this year. Plus Warringah reminds me of the Sea-Eagles from the NRL. There are no positives here people.
Professor: How arrogant are these fucking poms? I hereby nominate Zazabeau for the Arc de Triomphe fuckers. Yeah, Zazabeau. Eat it.
Look out you Frenchy fag-nasties, here comes Zazabeau!JB: This years crop of internationals/ex-internationals is horrendous, of those I like Mourilyan, not this hack. You would have to be bloody good looking for me to stand and listen to you tell me about this thing.
16. GALLIONS REACH (6) 52 Richard Yuill/Dwayne Dunn
Captain: To the connections of this horse I'd just like to say that you are the most selfish motherfuckers in the history of racing. Accepting with a horse who couldn't place in the Bendigo Cup, and had no excuses, is either insanity, or a complete lack of consideration and respect for everyone in racing. Vigor should be in this field. What, was Danny O'Brien doing the rounds with your wives? I can think of no other reason, other than revenge or spite, why you'd accept for this race. To the VRC, you supposedly have discretionary powers...so fucking USE THEM!!! Common sense has not prevailed and you look like complete twats. The only upside for this one is if you get him in your sweep...he's $1.04 favourite for the wooden spoon.
Professor: I would tear up my sweep ticket if I got this one. I think he's an absolute certainty for second last and you don't win shit for second last.
JB: I didn't have early money on Vigor, but I did have early money on other horses that missed out. I feel the Captain's pain especially when this guy will do well to beat home 1 other horse on Tuesday.
17. SPIN AROUND (4) 52 Stephen Cooper/Mark Du Plessis
Captain: I'm starting to lose it with all these unworthy internationals...the eyes are glazing over...
Professor: Let's just hope the connections enjoy the spread in the owners box. Because if the Captain ever catches them they'll never wash the taste of nuts out of their mouths.
JB: Really, is this a tax dodge for some very rich fuckers or just an excuse to travel. Something has to be done! For me it is enjoying the majority of these horses get pantsed - this horse included.
18. BASALTICO (10) 51.5 Luca Cumani/Dan Nikolic
Captain: Whereas I respect the Cumani horses, this one looks as shite as the rest of the internationals. I expect this horse to run about 19th, but being trained by Cumani, he might be able to sneak into the top 12.
Professor: The Cumani's - crazy with success think they can get just about anything up for a Melbourne Cup. Try harder next year, guys.
JB: This horse has a chance of coming circa 6th-9th but you don't make money on horses that finish 6th-9th.
19. CAPECOVER (19) 51.5 Alexander R Fieldes/Noel Harris
Captain: It's just one non-contender after another here. Looks like he tops out at 2500m. Amazingly, after his Bendigo Cup run (which was a lot better than that of Gallions Reach), Kerrin McEvoy said that this guy is top 6 material for the Melbourne Cup...I mean, there's diplomacy, and then there's ball-stroking.
Professor: Honestly not as bad as many of these, but man this field lacks depth. Could go top.. 14.
JB: No!
20. DAFFODIL (21) 51.5 Kevin Gray/Chris Munce
Captain: I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to see a feasible Cup chance again, so thank you Daffodil. Unfortunately for the Professor, the gate might have killed her here. Nice Caulfield Cup run, but like Roman Emperor, I think she'll be a better two miler next year. Not without a chance, and by all means, include her in your multiples before any of these clownish UK horses.
Professor: One for my multiples. And, yes I mean orgasms. Nice Caulfield Cup run, probably carrying a bit too much condition there and hopefully ready to roll now. With no weight and a blistering turn of foot, the barrier will hopefully encourage the monkey to take her to the back. And of all the front page headlines on Wednesday : a) Bart b) Boss rides Changingoftheguard to glory c) the BATTLERS on Alcopop or d) The monkey goes from being sodomised by the triads in a HK jail to M Cup glory, I know what I want to read with my coffee.
JB: Best to include if for nothing else but to not have the professor in your ear for the rest of the day. But seriously has produced a few good rides, was hoping for a bit more on derby day, but most likely nothing more than a trial for the main game come Teusday.
21. SHOCKING (22) 51 Mark Kavanagh/Corey Brown
Captain: Finally did something in the Saab to justify him being a Cup chance. Before that, he'd run 2nd in the QLD Derby. My opinion is that it's just all too rushed for him; from that QLD Derby run to Melbourne Cup winner in 5 months? My hunch is that his Saab win will have taken the edge off him, having to back up 3 days later, and let's face it, he had a charmed run there.
Professor: I could talk up Hume at $40 to one after that Saab run, but I can't entertain this thing that got a charmed run at $10s. The Saab used to be called the Lean Cuisine. Fun fact. Seriously, if there is one horse in this field that I'm worried about taking my sweet $$ away it's shocking. Depending how the early races play out I may keep it safe.
JB: SAAB was a shit fight, so many horses got trapped behind a wall of shit, this horse was able to fight through. I won't bet on it, I don't recommend this horse to people I like. There are worse horses in this line up but can't see it taking out a place.
22. ALLEZ WONDER (13) 50.5 Bart Cummings/Michelle Payne
Captain: I would have thought the Toorak/Emirates double would be more his go. Faded badly in the Caulfield Cup and on that alone, you have to query him at the trip. A shame, the Emirates is such a shithouse 'Group 1', I would have unloaded on the Wonder there.
Professor: Not a chance. Was going backwards a long way from home in the Caulfield and again appears to be setting this race up on a platter for one of the stronger backmarkers - Viewed, Efficient and My Ding-a-ling. My pick for the Sandmason award - leading for maybe one mile and coming last.
JB: I've ruled a big black line through this horse - but it wouldn't surprise me. I have a few dollars on Viewed just so I won't want to stab everyone I see post race, I conceivably will do the same here but this is more an anger management strategy not a gambling one.
23. CHANGINGOFTHEGUARD (1) 50.5 David Hayes/Glen Boss
Captain: David Hayes' latest soul-less attempt to buy a Melbourne Cup with minimum time and effort on his part. How could he get any satisfaction by winning a Melbourne Cup with a horse he's trained for only a few months? A year or two is fair enough, but just a couple of months? Sadly this is David Hayes' idea of a fairytale Cup story. Hayes + lack of soul + Boss + foot abscess + huge international plunge = Fuck no.
David Hayes, lurking in the shadows of the Flemington grandstand...Professor: The Ebor form looks good amongst the internationals. I might yield here. More than likely the best of the foreigners, well weighted and I can't believe I'm going to say this, good value.
JB: Not for me, hopefully not for the integrity of racing.
24. LEICA DING (2) 50.5 Darren Weir/Craig Williams
Captain: Won a really weak Geelong Cup and to me doesn't represent great value. The Professor knows I don't do times because there are two many variables down that path. That shit will do your head in. Looking at her 3000m win, I have not heard of any of those horses it beat. And I watch the races every week. I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure that Montahlia and Jeune Cheval are not leviathans of the turf. I'd be surprised if she wins, but a top 6 finish, even a placing, wouldn't surprise.
Professor: My out and out smoky for this race. 3200... it'll absolutely smash that. I watched and rewatched the Geelong cup and it's almost impossible not to get a little excited by a horse that sustains a run, initially on the fence and then well wide for about 800 metres. And without talking it up too much, it looked like another 800 (or 794) would be just fine. And for what it's worth, they ran the Geelong Cup 3 seconds quicker this year than last years winner Bauer. While Bauer had the big 400 metre sectional, Leica Ding came from further back and sustained an 800 metre run that to me has it in the On a Jeune stamp all over it. Viewed will be at the tail with it, so maybe the light weight will give it a chance to go with the topweight. If something wins this race at big odds, it's this guy.
JB: Well if anything is to be learned from Bauer in recent years is that the Geelong Cup isn't the worst form in the world. Leica Ding is this years Geelong Cup winner who beat home Dandaad by half a length. This horse has won at 3000m albeit at much lower level. Indeed the biggest fear for this horse is that he is yet to win at Grp 2 or higher but please note neither has Bauer. Biggest problem with this comparison is that although Leica Ding ran the Geelong Cup close to 3 seconds faster then Bauer in the previous year, Bauer's sectional was 2 seconds faster. This is my horse, this is my true Melbourne Cup gamble. I want this horse to win, I think this horse can win, my money will be on this horse to win! But safety first for the most of you punters out there, place this guy and laugh at the fools who were hanging from Bart's balls.
JB's Wrap Up
JB: I have money on VIEWED, it is the safe bet. The problem is I don't like safe betting. I like and have loaded up on LEICA DING and MOURILYAN. That's who I will be shouting out for down the Flemington straight if for nothing else but to spoil the Bart story.
Professor:
I like Viewed, obviously. Beyond it, Daffodil ,Leica Ding and Master O. A couple to throw in the multiples are Mourilyan, Ista Kareem and potentially Harris Tweed. If you can't beat him, join the Bossinator and have a little piece of Changingoftheguard as well. Sure you'll hate yourself, but that's what beer is for. If I had $100 to bet on one horse, it would go $50 each way on Daffodil, but fortunately we're not communists so I'll be on a few.
1. Viewed - I don't know why the Professor and JB are so down on Bart. Sure, he's a spin doctor, and sure it sucks when a seemingly out of form Bart horse nails your selection but I just can't be down on a guy who should have retired many years ago but is still training Melbourne Cup winners at 82 years of age. To me, that is racing at it's purest; an old codger, but still training Cup winners just for the love of racing. I fully expect him to make it 13 Cups tomorrow with a horse who in my opinion should be showing odds of $3 for this race. His Caulfield Cup win was dominant and he goes up only 1kg for a more suitable distance. I have unloaded people.
2. Master O'Reilly - Just looking like he wants the two miles this time in. All his runs this prep are sound. Should be thereabouts.
3. Roman Emperor - Tipping this guy to run 3rd has just highlighted a). the lack of depth in this year's field and b). the number of internationals that seem to be fucking hopeless on paper but that you have no real way of lining up till the race is run. Like I said, think he's a year shy of winning a Melbourne Cup, but he's better than most of these...and Bart is just so hot right now...
Others I'll work around for multiples include, C'est La Guerre, Leica Ding and Ista Kareem. Fuck the internationals. Fuck the ex-internationals. I would have been slotting Vigor into my multiples for sure.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Melbourne Cup Preview Update
Will be up around 6pm tonight...the Professor is getting through his form as slowly as Gallions Reach will run tomorrow. He's plugging...
Friday, October 30, 2009
Derby day tips: Bigger, better more satisfying.
Race 1: Banking on good some country lead-up form for my two which is always a little dicey. I get the feeling that The Comedian could be a bit special so I'll lean that way. Just so you don't think I'm really Wayne "Take Avenue each Way" Harris, my second elect is rank outsider Ruse de Guerre.
Race 2: Like 4:00AM outside Rowers, this race always has the smell of desperation and shame. However, two horses that might be a little better than their drunk desperate mates are Hume and Hoorang. Don't be surprised if Light Vision shows them just how mediocre they are, even with his big weight.
Race 3: Run for Naara.
Race 4: Cool, cool race. Also tough. If it was raining I'd put all my $$$ for the day on the Shellscrape/Phelan Ready Quinella and go home. That not being the case, I'm still pretty happy to work around those two. But I'll add in a couple at value in Delago Bolt (whose one run down the straight six was full of merit chasing home Black Caviar) and Marquardt who looks back after a strong run behind Avenue.
Race 5: When peaking (which he seems to be!) Zipping is at his best over this trip and is my top pick here. Beyond that, perhaps the Sydney raiders - Rangirangdoo, Racing to Win and Drumbeats but really a ??? race for me and I'll go super easy.
Race 6: Shamoline Warrior a big chance here and I may just stick with him. Rockferry and Our Heir Apparent the two that could cause it the most problems. At really good value, Our Heir Apparent each way is my pick here.
Race 7: I'll be value shopping here for sure. Glowlamp, Messenger, Zarita and Jolies Shinju.
Race 8: Olonana flies first up and I'll be pounding it. I get this sneaky suspicion that News Alert is up to this level as well so I might add it each way as well.
Race 9: Triple Honour could win this race, maybe?? Perhaps Largo Lad and Occidentalis could run a race at some nice each way value as well.
Captain's Derby Day Tips Me Hearties
Race 1: Kidnapped.
Race 2: This is the still the Saab to me. Black Saab rules! I refuse to call it the Lexus. There's too much Eddie McGuire about Lexus. No, if I call it anything else, it will be the Dalgety as it was known as prior to becoming the Saab. Nothing speaks of desperation like the Saab...as the Professor put it early in the week, "it's a B-grade shitfight". And they are all shit-fighting to sneak into the Cup with feather-weights. And emerging out of the pack from said shitfight: Hume.
Race 3: Run For Naara.
Race 4: Bloody hell, a 3yo race down the Flemington straight...anything could win this and it becomes an absolute lottery if they split. Shellscrape is a favourite of mine and will appreciate any give out of the ground. Headway's last run was super and the straight six might be up her alley, so I'll go with those two and we'll see what happens.
Race 5: Thankfully Sir Slick puts some pace into this race for the backmarkers, i.e. the entire rest of the field. Think Viewed is going well enough to win this, even at a trip which is probably a bit short for him. That said, if you like Viewed for the Cup, hit him today...he'll shorten dramatically if he runs well, with the possibility that Efficient may be out of Cup contention. You never know with Lloyd Williams' spin doctoring.
Race 6: Shamoline Warrior looks to be a fine stayer in the making and he's hard to go past. Monaco Consul's finishing burst in the Spring Champion makes him the logical danger; but is he simply another Moroney mudlark? Thinking one of those two will win unless they crunch up a couple of sedatives into Onemorenomore's feed. If he could only relax...Smash Shamoline Warrior or Monaco Consul.
Race 7: I'm going to look away form the obvious here and go with Zarita for a bit of value. She loves this track and in particular, this trip. These fillies and mares races like the Myer Classic and Coolmore aren't always kind to the favourites. Neroli is at around $8.50. Glowlamp is at $61. Glowlamp beat Neroli last start. Do the maths. Zarita and Glowlamp each way.
Race 8: Another lottery sprint with First Command a desErving favourite but am going to go with Turffontein who's in super form this prep, and Olonana who can fly 1st up.
Race 9: McClintock.
DON'T FORGET OUR MELBOURNE CUP PREVIEW, WILL BE UP MONDAY!!!
Race 2: This is the still the Saab to me. Black Saab rules! I refuse to call it the Lexus. There's too much Eddie McGuire about Lexus. No, if I call it anything else, it will be the Dalgety as it was known as prior to becoming the Saab. Nothing speaks of desperation like the Saab...as the Professor put it early in the week, "it's a B-grade shitfight". And they are all shit-fighting to sneak into the Cup with feather-weights. And emerging out of the pack from said shitfight: Hume.
Race 3: Run For Naara.
Race 4: Bloody hell, a 3yo race down the Flemington straight...anything could win this and it becomes an absolute lottery if they split. Shellscrape is a favourite of mine and will appreciate any give out of the ground. Headway's last run was super and the straight six might be up her alley, so I'll go with those two and we'll see what happens.
Race 5: Thankfully Sir Slick puts some pace into this race for the backmarkers, i.e. the entire rest of the field. Think Viewed is going well enough to win this, even at a trip which is probably a bit short for him. That said, if you like Viewed for the Cup, hit him today...he'll shorten dramatically if he runs well, with the possibility that Efficient may be out of Cup contention. You never know with Lloyd Williams' spin doctoring.
Race 6: Shamoline Warrior looks to be a fine stayer in the making and he's hard to go past. Monaco Consul's finishing burst in the Spring Champion makes him the logical danger; but is he simply another Moroney mudlark? Thinking one of those two will win unless they crunch up a couple of sedatives into Onemorenomore's feed. If he could only relax...Smash Shamoline Warrior or Monaco Consul.
Race 7: I'm going to look away form the obvious here and go with Zarita for a bit of value. She loves this track and in particular, this trip. These fillies and mares races like the Myer Classic and Coolmore aren't always kind to the favourites. Neroli is at around $8.50. Glowlamp is at $61. Glowlamp beat Neroli last start. Do the maths. Zarita and Glowlamp each way.
Race 8: Another lottery sprint with First Command a desErving favourite but am going to go with Turffontein who's in super form this prep, and Olonana who can fly 1st up.
Race 9: McClintock.
DON'T FORGET OUR MELBOURNE CUP PREVIEW, WILL BE UP MONDAY!!!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Captain taking things into his own hands
Now Captain I know how serious you take your racing but I never thought I would see you attempt to do this!
WHAB Community Announcement
WHAB and Mr T have joined forces for a very special community announcement
Monday, October 26, 2009
Continuing Cox Plate Surliness/Greatest Melbourne Cup Preview Ever
Yes, I'm still surly after the Cox Plate. I hate it when 3.y.o's win the Cox Plate, because I am never on them. You can't line up their form with the other runners. They have 49.5kg's, even less for fillies. They are complete unknowns and occasionally one of them proves to be the real deal, but you had no way of telling this because said horse didn't even run a place in the Guineas. In hindsight, his run in the Guineas was pretty good, after making his move from the carpark; but still, it was the Guineas and he ran 5 lengths 5th. So yeah, I've been a surly bastard this week and I ain't apologising for it. Watching Shane Watson bowl the most fucked over in the history of one day cricket, to almost lose us the first one-dayer in India didn't exactly help my mood.
But life at WHAB goes on. We'll be busy this week preparing a Derby Day post, all the while working on the Greatest Melbourne Cup Preview Ever. Friday: Derby Day Preview. Monday: Greatest Melbourne Cup Preview Ever featuring the return of JB. Mark it.
But life at WHAB goes on. We'll be busy this week preparing a Derby Day post, all the while working on the Greatest Melbourne Cup Preview Ever. Friday: Derby Day Preview. Monday: Greatest Melbourne Cup Preview Ever featuring the return of JB. Mark it.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
COX PLATE Preview
1. EL SEGUNDO (13) 59 Luke Nolen $15
Captain: He loves the Valley and won this race in commanding fashion in 2007 after a close segundo in 2006. In both those preparations, his form wavered somewhat in his run(s) prior to the Cox Plate. I'm guessing the same thing is going on here though it's appeared a little more alarming. The word is he got struck in the eye by a horseshoe, or as Rabs Warren might put it, "an iron bar of some description" in the Turnbull. If that's the case, then it was probably a pretty good effort. Just can't rule a line through him, I expect Little to have him sharper for this at his favourite track/distance.
Professor: I landed a big bet on this guy in the 2007 version of this race so there's some history and love here. It starts at the top. Starting from the top the theme that I'm going to hammer here is that there are a number of live chances in this one - whilst there isn't a Northerly in this bunch - the Cox is actually pretty deep. It started it's prep looking in the form of its career and has tapered off a little since but on its day it can win this.
2. ZIPPING (2) 59 Steven Arnold $17
Captain: Lloyd Williams has been talking ol' Zipping up a bit in the press so we can't take him too lightly. All I'll say is that last year was one of the weakest, if not the weakest Cox Plate field in history, and he couldn't run down Maldivian who was out of form at the time.
Professor: Pity I can't find an early Mackinnon market because that's its race for me. Probably not going well enough to trouble them this time, though the Williams horses have a way of popping up when you least expect them at this time of year so I won't say no, I just won't be betting on this.
3. VISION AND POWER (4) 59 Hugh Bowman $15
Captain: On his Doncaster winning form, he can win this. Takes forever to come into form but think he's there now. I like V & P because he reminds me of two of my heroes, T & P. "Say Terrance"..."yes Phillip"..."would you like a monkey claw?!". Sometimes racing makes sense like this. Anyways, I reckon he'll run well, not sure if he'll be winning, but he'll be somewhere thereaboots bud-dy.
Professor: Absolute knockout horse in this. Has taken a long time to get any sort of race fitness in this prep but should be at the top of its game here. Nice run in the Turnbull and even if it doesn't rain probably deserves to be at about $10 rather than the juicy $18s you can and should be snapping up right now. The monkey claw is smelly.
4. NOM DE JEU (5) 59 Michael Rodd $71
Captain: Been a little disappointing this prep but has the big plus of the cunning Rodd on board. Would never think that he is a better chance to win a Cox Plate than a Caulfield Cup. But Rodd has got plenty of roughies home before...
Professor: Doesn't look to be going well enough this prep. I'll be looking for a sign that it can figure in the Melbourne Cup but that's the only interest for me here.
5. SCENIC SHOT (6) 59 Shane Scriven $14
Captain: There's nothing like dropping a few big notes on this fella during the Brisbane Winter Carnival; it's money in the bank. $5 on the Shot to win the Doomben Cup? Yes please. $5 on the Shot to win the Brisbane Cup? Yes please, and some. He'll probably head back to the Farm next year and take out another Brisbane Cup with 65kg. I would have really liked to have seen him in the Caulfield Cup with not much weight, think he could have parked somewhere in that leading bunch and might have given it a shake. His Turnbull run was very good and on that, he's got to be some chance.
Professor: I would have smashed this in the Caulfield Cup based on its lead up work in the Turnbull. Didn't go for that race. Isn't entered in the Melbourne Cup. Those were the two I thought it could win. This is kind of a hollow feeling for me. When your favourite horse has his first tilt at Spring glory in an unsuitable race it's a lot like sitting through a rubbish comedy festival waiting for the Doug Anthony All Stars reunion only to see them play throw your arms around me instead of I fuck dogs. 2040 at Moonee Valley seems unsuitable but D Morton is Australian racings most unappreciated genius and if this was the target, fucked if I won't back it. Then I read today about it being the target of a massive bet and I know I'm seeing what I should be. Of the true stayers in this race, I'd take this above Speed Gifted or Zipping any day.
6. BLACK PIRANHA (8) 59 Tye Angland $16
Captain: A long and arduous Autumn/Winter campaign has this guy crying out for the paddock methinks. You look at it's form through the Easter Carnival in Sydney, through to the Stradbroke and there is just no comparison to what he's showing at the moment. $16 doesn't represent any great value to me, particularly when he's untried at the trip.
Professor: Captain and I are split on this horse. I think it's cherry ripe here and represents some fine value at the $16 mark. The Captain thinks it hasn't come back. I think it's gut busting run with 60 kg first up has taken a while to wear off and I'll be thinking long and hard (hee hee) about this one on race day. Got to say the Toorak run was unlucky and with a decent passage he wins that race easily.
7. SIR SLICK (11) 59 Michelle Payne *Write Your Own Ticket*
Captain: Some people have too much money on their hands. The connections of this horse have squandered hundreds of thousands of dollars in acceptance fees for races that he has absolutely no chance of winning. They could have taken some orphans around the world in a hot air balloon, visited starving kids in Africa or built a Centre For Kids Who Can't Read Good; but no, they said fuck you to the unfortunate kids of the world, we want to lead the Cox Plate for 1200m.
Professor: They'll call just about anyone Sir these days. Likely to run a 2:01 according to his bat-shit crazy owner who I'm sure sells discount Persian rugs as his day job.
8. ROAD TO ROCK (1) 59 Glyn Schofield $26
Captain: Sounds more like an AC/DC album title than a Cox Plate runner. But seriously, this is the first time ever where I could respect A J Cummings for talking up a stable roughie. His form is pretty good and his name is not Red Lord or Zavite in a Caulfield Cup. He has run some very solid races in Group 1 WFA company. He's also had a few good looks at the Valley track. Roughie of choice for bogans here. "For Road about to Rock........
Fire! We salute you!".
Professor: At $41 in early markets. Yes please. Forget it ran in the Epsom where it clearly couldn't swim. Yep. I'm on this one each way.
9. SPEED GIFTED (12) 59 Dwayne Dunn $10
Captain: Should have run in the Caulfield Cup. Yeah, we're stilled pissed.
Professor: Should have run in the Caulfield Cup. Yeah, we're stilled pissed.
10. WHOBEGOTYOU (10) 57.5 Damien Oliver $3
Captain: Loves the Valley. Neigh, is a monster at the Valley. Loves the trip. Barring bad luck, a sloppy ride, or a Savabeel-esque finish from Manhattan Rain, he wins. But this is racing. Naturalism was the shortest price Cox Plate favourite that I can remember in 1992; he fell. That said, WBGY drifting out to $3 is enough to start getting me tempted for a massive plunge...
Professor: Deserved favourite but opening at $2.70, came up too short in a race of this quality. There are any number of sources for you to read a puff piece about this horse so I'll leave it at that.
11. HEART OF DREAMS (3) 57.5 Craig Newitt $5.50
Captain: Just as Road To Rock sounds like an Acca Dacca anthem, Heart Of Dreams sounds like it could have been a gay cowboy ballad for these guys:
"Just like eeeevery gay cowboy, sings a saaad, sad song..."
I'm not that interested. He's no value here, $5.50 second favourite at WBGY's favourite track? He'll run well but ultimately, WBGY is the better horse, particularly at the Valley.
Captain: He loves the Valley and won this race in commanding fashion in 2007 after a close segundo in 2006. In both those preparations, his form wavered somewhat in his run(s) prior to the Cox Plate. I'm guessing the same thing is going on here though it's appeared a little more alarming. The word is he got struck in the eye by a horseshoe, or as Rabs Warren might put it, "an iron bar of some description" in the Turnbull. If that's the case, then it was probably a pretty good effort. Just can't rule a line through him, I expect Little to have him sharper for this at his favourite track/distance.
Professor: I landed a big bet on this guy in the 2007 version of this race so there's some history and love here. It starts at the top. Starting from the top the theme that I'm going to hammer here is that there are a number of live chances in this one - whilst there isn't a Northerly in this bunch - the Cox is actually pretty deep. It started it's prep looking in the form of its career and has tapered off a little since but on its day it can win this.
2. ZIPPING (2) 59 Steven Arnold $17
Captain: Lloyd Williams has been talking ol' Zipping up a bit in the press so we can't take him too lightly. All I'll say is that last year was one of the weakest, if not the weakest Cox Plate field in history, and he couldn't run down Maldivian who was out of form at the time.
Professor: Pity I can't find an early Mackinnon market because that's its race for me. Probably not going well enough to trouble them this time, though the Williams horses have a way of popping up when you least expect them at this time of year so I won't say no, I just won't be betting on this.
3. VISION AND POWER (4) 59 Hugh Bowman $15
Captain: On his Doncaster winning form, he can win this. Takes forever to come into form but think he's there now. I like V & P because he reminds me of two of my heroes, T & P. "Say Terrance"..."yes Phillip"..."would you like a monkey claw?!". Sometimes racing makes sense like this. Anyways, I reckon he'll run well, not sure if he'll be winning, but he'll be somewhere thereaboots bud-dy.
Professor: Absolute knockout horse in this. Has taken a long time to get any sort of race fitness in this prep but should be at the top of its game here. Nice run in the Turnbull and even if it doesn't rain probably deserves to be at about $10 rather than the juicy $18s you can and should be snapping up right now. The monkey claw is smelly.
4. NOM DE JEU (5) 59 Michael Rodd $71
Captain: Been a little disappointing this prep but has the big plus of the cunning Rodd on board. Would never think that he is a better chance to win a Cox Plate than a Caulfield Cup. But Rodd has got plenty of roughies home before...
Professor: Doesn't look to be going well enough this prep. I'll be looking for a sign that it can figure in the Melbourne Cup but that's the only interest for me here.
5. SCENIC SHOT (6) 59 Shane Scriven $14
Captain: There's nothing like dropping a few big notes on this fella during the Brisbane Winter Carnival; it's money in the bank. $5 on the Shot to win the Doomben Cup? Yes please. $5 on the Shot to win the Brisbane Cup? Yes please, and some. He'll probably head back to the Farm next year and take out another Brisbane Cup with 65kg. I would have really liked to have seen him in the Caulfield Cup with not much weight, think he could have parked somewhere in that leading bunch and might have given it a shake. His Turnbull run was very good and on that, he's got to be some chance.
Professor: I would have smashed this in the Caulfield Cup based on its lead up work in the Turnbull. Didn't go for that race. Isn't entered in the Melbourne Cup. Those were the two I thought it could win. This is kind of a hollow feeling for me. When your favourite horse has his first tilt at Spring glory in an unsuitable race it's a lot like sitting through a rubbish comedy festival waiting for the Doug Anthony All Stars reunion only to see them play throw your arms around me instead of I fuck dogs. 2040 at Moonee Valley seems unsuitable but D Morton is Australian racings most unappreciated genius and if this was the target, fucked if I won't back it. Then I read today about it being the target of a massive bet and I know I'm seeing what I should be. Of the true stayers in this race, I'd take this above Speed Gifted or Zipping any day.
6. BLACK PIRANHA (8) 59 Tye Angland $16
Captain: A long and arduous Autumn/Winter campaign has this guy crying out for the paddock methinks. You look at it's form through the Easter Carnival in Sydney, through to the Stradbroke and there is just no comparison to what he's showing at the moment. $16 doesn't represent any great value to me, particularly when he's untried at the trip.
Professor: Captain and I are split on this horse. I think it's cherry ripe here and represents some fine value at the $16 mark. The Captain thinks it hasn't come back. I think it's gut busting run with 60 kg first up has taken a while to wear off and I'll be thinking long and hard (hee hee) about this one on race day. Got to say the Toorak run was unlucky and with a decent passage he wins that race easily.
7. SIR SLICK (11) 59 Michelle Payne *Write Your Own Ticket*
Captain: Some people have too much money on their hands. The connections of this horse have squandered hundreds of thousands of dollars in acceptance fees for races that he has absolutely no chance of winning. They could have taken some orphans around the world in a hot air balloon, visited starving kids in Africa or built a Centre For Kids Who Can't Read Good; but no, they said fuck you to the unfortunate kids of the world, we want to lead the Cox Plate for 1200m.
Professor: They'll call just about anyone Sir these days. Likely to run a 2:01 according to his bat-shit crazy owner who I'm sure sells discount Persian rugs as his day job.
8. ROAD TO ROCK (1) 59 Glyn Schofield $26
Captain: Sounds more like an AC/DC album title than a Cox Plate runner. But seriously, this is the first time ever where I could respect A J Cummings for talking up a stable roughie. His form is pretty good and his name is not Red Lord or Zavite in a Caulfield Cup. He has run some very solid races in Group 1 WFA company. He's also had a few good looks at the Valley track. Roughie of choice for bogans here. "For Road about to Rock........
Fire! We salute you!". Professor: At $41 in early markets. Yes please. Forget it ran in the Epsom where it clearly couldn't swim. Yep. I'm on this one each way.
9. SPEED GIFTED (12) 59 Dwayne Dunn $10
Captain: Should have run in the Caulfield Cup. Yeah, we're stilled pissed.
Professor: Should have run in the Caulfield Cup. Yeah, we're stilled pissed.
10. WHOBEGOTYOU (10) 57.5 Damien Oliver $3
Captain: Loves the Valley. Neigh, is a monster at the Valley. Loves the trip. Barring bad luck, a sloppy ride, or a Savabeel-esque finish from Manhattan Rain, he wins. But this is racing. Naturalism was the shortest price Cox Plate favourite that I can remember in 1992; he fell. That said, WBGY drifting out to $3 is enough to start getting me tempted for a massive plunge...
Professor: Deserved favourite but opening at $2.70, came up too short in a race of this quality. There are any number of sources for you to read a puff piece about this horse so I'll leave it at that.
11. HEART OF DREAMS (3) 57.5 Craig Newitt $5.50
Captain: Just as Road To Rock sounds like an Acca Dacca anthem, Heart Of Dreams sounds like it could have been a gay cowboy ballad for these guys:
"Just like eeeevery gay cowboy, sings a saaad, sad song..."I'm not that interested. He's no value here, $5.50 second favourite at WBGY's favourite track? He'll run well but ultimately, WBGY is the better horse, particularly at the Valley.
Professor: Early winner of the 2009 WHAB battle of the words but I won't be having it in the Cox.
12. ROCK KINGDOM (9) 57.5 Nash Rawiller $17
Captain: Gai paid the $130,000 late entry fee at the urgings of husband Robbie (see Fine Cotton Affair). So "Rock Kingdom" might not actually be Rock Kingdom here, but instead a secret super-clone of Northerly...watch betting...seriously though, his form is alright but he just doesn't do it for me. Watch betting...
Professor: Not for me. Won a terrible Epsom in the middle of a flash flood and that's the best it's gone so not for me.
13. MANHATTAN RAIN (14) 49.5 Craig Williams $21
Captain: Maybe. Not sure he's the best 3.y.o to contest the Cox but 49.5kg and sound form says maybe. Outside gate could be the biggest problem, but if he can track Sir Slick into the race for the first 1200m and then avoid the speedbump that was Sir Slick, then maybe he could just do it.
Professor: I'm not usually a fan of the three-year-olds in this race but this is the kind of horse that I might make an exception for. As Gai constantly reminds us, this is a three year old in a five year olds body. It's chubby. Ah Gai, if I was fifty years older. It was raining. Not normal rain. Chubby Rain.
14. SO YOU THINK (7) 49.5 Glen Boss $12
Captain: Bart is not so smug here, in fact I believe he has said that he'd be surprised if this wins. Had an excursion to the outside fence at his first gallop at the Valley earlier in the week, and on that alone, I'll pass. $12?! Are you serious? On what basis? His Guineas run? Fuck me.
Professor: Boss/Cummings. I hear Adolf Hitler is the strapper for this one so the true axis of evil is involved. The likelihood of me giving a balanced view on this is minimal but I'm sure it will have fans. According to the paper of record, Glen Boss is still getting the Sydney daggers out of his back and Bart Cummings is smarter than Jesus. So You Think I want to throw up if it wins?
PROFESSOR: I'm not going to give a top four, more a value four here. I think if you are a value punter you'd want to work around 1-3-5-6-8 & 13. That's all I've got. I'll nominate Black Piranha as my top value bet for this one from Vision and Power and Chubby Rain. Scenic Shot for sentimental reasons and Road to Rock the out and out roughie that has to be worth a little bit of each way currency. This may all get thrown out the window if in the mounting yard I see a twinkle in old El Segundo's eye.
CAPTAIN: Just can't go past Whobegotyou. I'm not going to do that thing where you're sure a certain horse is going to win and talk yourself into other "value" runners, because at the end of the day, "value" means nothing if it doesn't win.
1. Whobegotyou
2. Speed Gifted
3. El Segundo
Working around those with Scenic Shot, Road To Rock and V & P.
12. ROCK KINGDOM (9) 57.5 Nash Rawiller $17
Captain: Gai paid the $130,000 late entry fee at the urgings of husband Robbie (see Fine Cotton Affair). So "Rock Kingdom" might not actually be Rock Kingdom here, but instead a secret super-clone of Northerly...watch betting...seriously though, his form is alright but he just doesn't do it for me. Watch betting...
Professor: Not for me. Won a terrible Epsom in the middle of a flash flood and that's the best it's gone so not for me.
13. MANHATTAN RAIN (14) 49.5 Craig Williams $21
Captain: Maybe. Not sure he's the best 3.y.o to contest the Cox but 49.5kg and sound form says maybe. Outside gate could be the biggest problem, but if he can track Sir Slick into the race for the first 1200m and then avoid the speedbump that was Sir Slick, then maybe he could just do it.
Professor: I'm not usually a fan of the three-year-olds in this race but this is the kind of horse that I might make an exception for. As Gai constantly reminds us, this is a three year old in a five year olds body. It's chubby. Ah Gai, if I was fifty years older. It was raining. Not normal rain. Chubby Rain.
14. SO YOU THINK (7) 49.5 Glen Boss $12
Captain: Bart is not so smug here, in fact I believe he has said that he'd be surprised if this wins. Had an excursion to the outside fence at his first gallop at the Valley earlier in the week, and on that alone, I'll pass. $12?! Are you serious? On what basis? His Guineas run? Fuck me.
Professor: Boss/Cummings. I hear Adolf Hitler is the strapper for this one so the true axis of evil is involved. The likelihood of me giving a balanced view on this is minimal but I'm sure it will have fans. According to the paper of record, Glen Boss is still getting the Sydney daggers out of his back and Bart Cummings is smarter than Jesus. So You Think I want to throw up if it wins?
PROFESSOR: I'm not going to give a top four, more a value four here. I think if you are a value punter you'd want to work around 1-3-5-6-8 & 13. That's all I've got. I'll nominate Black Piranha as my top value bet for this one from Vision and Power and Chubby Rain. Scenic Shot for sentimental reasons and Road to Rock the out and out roughie that has to be worth a little bit of each way currency. This may all get thrown out the window if in the mounting yard I see a twinkle in old El Segundo's eye.
CAPTAIN: Just can't go past Whobegotyou. I'm not going to do that thing where you're sure a certain horse is going to win and talk yourself into other "value" runners, because at the end of the day, "value" means nothing if it doesn't win.
1. Whobegotyou
2. Speed Gifted
3. El Segundo
Working around those with Scenic Shot, Road To Rock and V & P.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Caulfield Cup Post-Mortem/Cox Plate Preview Friday
The first point to make post-2009 Caulfield Cup is that along the rails was the place to be. In earlier races, horses that hit the lead were angling back towards the fence when clear. So that's where we take our hat off to Brad Rawiller; he stayed as close to the fence as he could, then when he saw the opening along the rails, well, he didn't need a second invitation. It also helped him being on a horse who is far better than anyone not named Bart Cummings thought he'd be. When you're the first horse to win a Melbourne Cup, then return the following year to win a Caulfield Cup since the great Rising Fast (1954/55!), then you're really something. To give you some perspective and scope on what Viewed has done here, and the horse he has emulated:
RISING FAST
If not for a philosophical and diplomatic attitude, Rising Fast would have won a second Melbourne Cup with a mammoth 63.5kg. Owner Leicester Spring Russell, decided that interference in the '55 Melbourne Cup could go down in history as a "racing incident"...had a '55 version of Shane Dye been in his ear, there would have been a certain protest, a lot of whingeing in a funny as fuck, small Kiwi-man accent, and no doubt a second Melbourne Cup to go with two Caulfield Cups and a Cox Plate. The jockey of the the winning horse was subsequently suspended for 2 months for his part in the "racing incident". Rising Fast's Melbourne Cup win was with 59.5kg, a feat not matched or bettered since. Wow. He goes down in history as one of the greatest racehorses to ever walk the planet.
I was able to come out of last week's Caulfield Cup with a small profit thanks to Viewed and Roman Emperor. But more importantly, over the course of the day, I qualified for the final of Australia's Top Punter on November 14. I won't go on about it too much. It's not my style. No, really, enough said. After we posted our Caulfield Cup preview, the Professor couldn't stop going on and on about Viewed. He even made me republish some of that post to talk up Bart's cunning plan RE: Viewed. He sent me an e-mail Saturday morning telling me all about Viewed. After a thousand beers at Randwick though, how much do you think the Professor had on Viewed?!
With the Caulfield Cup run and won, well it must be COX PLATE TIME! As per every major Group 1, check back Friday for our Cox Plate Preview.
RISING FAST
If not for a philosophical and diplomatic attitude, Rising Fast would have won a second Melbourne Cup with a mammoth 63.5kg. Owner Leicester Spring Russell, decided that interference in the '55 Melbourne Cup could go down in history as a "racing incident"...had a '55 version of Shane Dye been in his ear, there would have been a certain protest, a lot of whingeing in a funny as fuck, small Kiwi-man accent, and no doubt a second Melbourne Cup to go with two Caulfield Cups and a Cox Plate. The jockey of the the winning horse was subsequently suspended for 2 months for his part in the "racing incident". Rising Fast's Melbourne Cup win was with 59.5kg, a feat not matched or bettered since. Wow. He goes down in history as one of the greatest racehorses to ever walk the planet.
I was able to come out of last week's Caulfield Cup with a small profit thanks to Viewed and Roman Emperor. But more importantly, over the course of the day, I qualified for the final of Australia's Top Punter on November 14. I won't go on about it too much. It's not my style. No, really, enough said. After we posted our Caulfield Cup preview, the Professor couldn't stop going on and on about Viewed. He even made me republish some of that post to talk up Bart's cunning plan RE: Viewed. He sent me an e-mail Saturday morning telling me all about Viewed. After a thousand beers at Randwick though, how much do you think the Professor had on Viewed?!
With the Caulfield Cup run and won, well it must be COX PLATE TIME! As per every major Group 1, check back Friday for our Cox Plate Preview.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Caulfield Cup Preview
The best thing about the Caulfield Cup is obviously the international talent:
Francesca Cumani...
But fancy fillies aside, the question needs to be asked: "what about the punters Lee Freedman?". The Professor and I have been robbed of a shot at big $$$ after taking Speed Gifted at juicy odds in June/July. A heads up spruiking has turned into a total ass-punching. Thanks Lee. You better deliver that Melbourne Cup (also smashed Speed Gifted to win that too, at $41 I do believe!) with this Cox Plate/M. Cup masterplan of yours. Anyway, the cunning punters (JB aside, he is busy penning a he-she joke book, should hit all good bookstores in time for Christmas) here at WHAB have hit a few others at overs so without futher ado, as promised, your Caulfield Cup preview.
1. VIEWED (15) 57 Brad Rawiller $14
Captain: The reigning Melbourne Cup winner has been ticking over nicely and despite the handicap conditions is a live chance here. He won the Melbourne Cup last year with highly dubious form, so if his form this campaign is strong, a little piece of the Viewed/Viewed Caulfield Cup/Melbourne Cup double at around the $120 mark will hold you in good stead, lest the Cups King clean up again. If you were one of the three people throughout the whole of Australia who actually bet on him in last year's M. Cup, you can dust off those winnings and load up at $14 here. Personally, with the 57, and being one of those who'll get right back, possibly striking trouble, I'm inclined to add him to multiples rather than plonk on the nose.
Professor: His run home in the Turnbull really caught the eye and he’s close enough to my top pick based on that.
2. KIRKLEES (7) 56 Kerrin McEvoy $9
Captain: Unfortunately after last year's Caulfield Cup debacle, we have to fully respect Godolphin and their mountains of expensive horse flesh. It sucks, I know, but All The Good won and won well a year ago, making us all eat our losing tickets, lest we go hungry and shirtless on Caulfield Cup night. I will not be getting on this guy, he doesn't excite me, but that's not to say I'm safe from a hearty meal of losing tickets with a side of 7-11 tomato sauce on Saturday night.
Professor: Watched this one in the Sheema Classic from Dubai in Arabic. Dirka Dirka Purple Moon Dirka Dirka Dirka and Dirka Dirka Kirk-Dirka-Lees didn’t fire a shot. I’m Dirka elsewhere.
3. C'EST LA GUERRE (13) 55.5 Steven Arnold $17
Captain: Not really doing anything spectacular this prep but getting out to a suitable trip and becomes an altogether different proposition if we get a wet track. My advice on a dry track is to leave him out here, watch him get home for a tidy 5th-10th and make your Melbourne Cup call on that. On a slow or heavy track, you'd better get on because this guy will be paddling down the outside in laser suit and flippers.
Professor: The Turnbull run was probably better than it looked. And this is a horse that really needs 2400+ to show anything. I’ll watch the boards at Randwick and if it gets out to silly odds, I’ll happily drop a few dollars on this but it’ll really need to double the current price of $17.
4. CIMA DE TRIOMPHE (11) 55.5 Damien Oliver $7.50
Captain: Ah Francesca...what a breath of fresh air every Spring. Anyhow, Francesca's mother Sarah Cumani says that Kirklees is the only danger to this fella because "I don't really know anything about the Australian horses"...Kirklees aside, this guy has raced in some pretty highly rated races, including the Arlington Million in the U.S, so you've got to think that he's really the only logical danger to Kirklees. You've got to respect a Cumani trained horse here. Purple Moon, Mad Rush, Bauer...the guy doesn't bring duds over. CDT should run well and if he brings his A-game to Caulfield tomorrow, he might just be able to roll Kirklees...
Professor: I respect the Cumani horses. But I look at the guide and I watch the races on Youtube and I really haven’t seen it do anything to justify it’s current $7.50 quote. I wouldn’t ridicule you if this was your top pick because I respect the Cumani horses and the Arlington Million probably shouldn’t be confused with the SAAB.
5. FIUMICINO (20) 55.5 Dwayne Dunn $51
Captain: He had his favoured heavy track conditions in the Metropolitan, plugged home for 3rd, and while he'll be a bit fitter for the run, I can't entertain the idea of him winning this. Even on a heavy track, he'll need a jet-ski to be winning.
Professor: No.
6. MASTER O'REILLY (18) 55 Vlad Duric $15
Captain: Like a fine wine, Master O just gets better with age. Three runs this time in, each as pleasing as the other. Is no doubt a much better horse than when he actually won this race. Then, he had no weight and no Sydney and international horses to contend with due to Equine Influenza. Now, he has both to contend with. But, like a fine wine...Got him at $21 about ten minutes before the Yalumba last week, where he ran home nicely, that'll do me nicely.
Professor: Funny that the Captain mentions fine wine with this guy, because his best run this prep was in the Yalumba: makers of some god awful stuff. Good omen? Bad omen? Not sure but he looks on course for a really big run here.
7. ROMAN EMPEROR (5) 54 Hugh Bowman $19
Captain: Won the AJC Derby even though Predatory Pricer's name should have been the one engraved on the trophy. Even so, he's a pretty handy stayer and I'd be on this before Allez Wonder, that's for sure. His form is sound enough for this race, I prefer others on the "you can't back them all" rule but am adding him to multiples. A pineapple says it beats home Allez Wonder...any takers?
Professor: A live one at odds. But is $19 long enough? Not for me at this stage but I’m yet to rule a line through it.
8. SARRERA (10) 54 Nicholas Hall $51
Captain: Another runner who'd like a quagmire to trundle through tomorrow. He's now a 9.y.o. and since a purple patch in the autumn/winter of last year, he's not really caught the eye on a consistent basis. It's his lucky day, I'll leave him out without being too unkind.
Professor: I’ve ruled a line here. If I had access to one, I’d rule a line through this one with an industrial strength line making machine. Preferably one made by Germans. They know how to rule a line.
9. PREDATORY PRICER (16) 53.5 Steven King $8.50
Captain: This is a serious racehorse (a little brother to Takeover Target no less), though he still does a few things wrong in his races sometimes. He is one of my two big Spring spruikings. I had a nibble on him at $71 to win the Caulfield Cup when the market opened, and for most of this Carnival, it looked like he'd run in the Cox Plate only. Thank fuck he's running in both! Did I tell you the one about the Pricer in the AJC Derby? On that run, he's right in this. On his form he's right in this. Gate 16 not ideal, but you stick with your favourites; ain't that right Professor?!
Professor: I can’t say no to it based on it’s Derby run and the fact that it’s held it’s form so well. I worry that it might be a little more brilliant this time in but as it gets out into the double figure zone I get more inclined to include it.
10. RED RULER (14) 53.5 Danny Nikolic $15
Captain: Ran a nice race in the Turnbull but meets the Pricer 2kgs worse for not beating him then. I'm not sold on him at 2400m either. So that's a no from me to this communist bastard.
Professor: My second pick. In a perfect world, this one grabs the box seat and grinds them down from the 300 or so. It probably doesn’t have the brilliance to go toe to toe with some of the others, but with a smart ride (who better than Nikolic for this?) then it can steal this race.
11. ZAVITE (8) 53 Mark Zahra $51
Captain: Try the SAAB in a couple of weeks buddy. You guys are mad if you don't smash this to run a place in the SAAB.
Professor: Respectfully, no. Probably needs to be going better, another 800 metres and a weaker field.
12. HARRIS TWEED (2) 52.5 Craig Newitt $31
Captain: Sometimes after a Derby campaign, horses don't come back so well at the start of their 4.y.o. season and that's the basket I'm throwing this guy into. The Professor tells me that he was slopped up in the Kelt, but Youtube replays are grainy, the NZ camera angles unhelpful, and the innocuous looking 8.9L 14th/16 still stares back at me from the form guide.
Professor: The only bona fide roughy I could slap a few dollars on. The first two runs were honest returns for a stayer and they walked in the Kelt. And when I say walked, I’m not talking about gay Olympic style walking. Harris Tweed responded by racing up to the front and then there was nothing left for the final 200. Should be fitter and if so it will be a rough hope.
13. LIGHT VISION (19) 52.5 Luke Nolen $21
Captain: A great roughie here. Runs the trip out pretty strongly these days, gets some weight relief here, is honest as they come and will be at the front and staying out of trouble. If you are looking for value, here it is at $21.
Professor: I’d say that it’s more than likely that this guy will box his way into fifth or sixth in front of many more fancied runners (Cough Kirklees). Fifth doesn’t pay so no bet for me but this will run one hell of a race as always.
14. DAFFODIL (4) 51.5 Chris Munce $8.50
Captain: The Professor has a massive boner for Daffodil. Think of your favourite porno vid...that's the same erection that the Professor gets watching replays of Daffodil winning the AJC Oaks. Fair enough I'd say; she is a definite threat if she can reproduce that explosive finish...hehehe...explosive finish!
Professor: Ridiculously good in the AJC Oaks. If it reproduces that kind of run here, then I’ll be lining up from the 300 metre mark again. The boys know about my boner for this horse. In the Bjelke-Peterson days in QLD a man could marry a horse and there’s nothing wrong with that. The story of me elbowing patrons out of the way in the Randwick skybox shouting “Go the Daff” like a blowhard is well known. Whatever. The Kelt run was okay. It didn’t really get out until the 100 metre mark there and when it did it screamed “Give me 2400 metres, guy.”
15. READY TO LIFT (12) 51.5 Glen Boss $41
Captain: Not the worst, but I dare say we won't see ol' Bossy whooping it up in the winner's circle tomorrow. Won't go on too much more because after last year with Viewed, I'm shit-scared of knocking Brisbane Cup form.
Professor: Do you have a mediocre stayer and want to get involved in Australia’s premiere 2400 metre race? Keep Boxing Day free and you too can take on the mighty Zazabeau for your saloon passage to the Caulfield Cup. Zazabeau.
16. RED LORD (3) 51.5 Glyn Schofield $31
Captain: It's getting late, and thinking too much about Red Lord's chances in the Caulfield Cup is only going to deprive me of sleep. I'll sleep tight knowing that when push came to shove in the Turnbull, his lead up race, this guy got the hell outta there.
Professor: Probably not up to this but its run in the Naturalism was pretty nice.
17. VIGOR (22) 51 Corey Brown $9.50
Captain: I have seen some overrated horses in my time and this fella is right up there. Whilst Predatory Pricer has been mixing it with the Big Grey, Heart Of Dreams and Whobegotyou, and also has one of the best 3rds you'll ever see in the AJC Derby, and Master O and Viewed have done everything you'd want to see from Cups campaigners, this guy won at a mile, ran okay at 1800m, and then had a good old-fashioned flop-a-roo to lead into this at 2000m. Jockeys have been climbing over each other to get on board but I just can't see why. How he was ever at $7 equal favourite is absolutely beyond me, light weight and all. And now with gate 22 he's still at $9.50? I've been a doubter in terms of the Caulfield Cup since he won the Makybe Diva Stks, and I couldn't touch him at $9.50, even if you held a gun to my head...sometimes you've got to be a man of principal...I'll take the bullet for the team...
Professor: Someone dropped a squillion dollars on this after it won the Makybe Diva and has probably dropped the same again on counselling since. If it blows out to $20 on race day, this will probably have too much “Efficient 2007” about it for words and I’ll have no choice but to pound it. Otherwise, a little overrated I think.
18. ALLEZ WONDER (6) 50 Michelle Payne $12
Captain: You win a Toorak, you're not entitled to be $12 for the Caulfield Cup on suspicion. The Toorak and the Emirates are complete rubbish Group 1's. They are Group 2's at the very best. More like Group 3's. If this wins, we'll have to now respect the Toorak form, and life's so much easier when we can totally write it off. The Toorak is 1600m anyway. The Caulfield Cup is 2400m. And her last run at 2400m was an ignominious 15th. At the 2500m of the VRC Oaks, she finished 3rd in a weak field that was smashed accordingly by Samantha Miss. Distant 2nd that day? Miss Scarlatti...Pass, pass and pass.
Professor: Just when I thought some sanity was returning to proceedings following the drift out to $15 yesterday, it's been pumped into $12. If you are prepared to tell me that this is a better chance than Viewed, Master O and Red Ruler then wow, buddy. And if you are under the spell of the "Cups King" - and I won't fault you if you are- then look at the topweight, a Melbourne Cup winner who is probably going better than he was at this time last year and paying $14. And then you realise why Bart was so smug when he snuck Allez Wonder into the field. Whose horse benefits if a miler comes out and sets a cracking pace ? Why Bart's horse: Viewed. If you want to bet on AW doing anything, it's playing the role of Sandmason and going round the home turn 6 lengths in front, if it can go that long. The smug old bastard might have done it again.
CAPTAIN'S SELECTIONS
1. Predatory Pricer
2. Master O'Reilly
3. Light Vision
Working around those three with Viewed and Roman Emperor. Daffodil as well if she gets out from the shortish $8.50 at present.
PROFESSOR'S FINAL DAFFODIL LOVE-IN
I’ve had a top pick in this race since April and that’s Daffodil and she’s given me no reason to get off. Red Ruler, Viewed and Master O Reilly have given everyindication that they’ll be there at the finish as well. Predatory Pricer is thebig danger to Daffodil and should be kept very safe. The only roughie thatreally intrigues me is Harris Tweed but it’s a dollar or two kind of roughie.
Numbers: 14 Daffodil -10 Red Ruler -9 Predatory Pricer -6 Master O'Reilly
Francesca Cumani...But fancy fillies aside, the question needs to be asked: "what about the punters Lee Freedman?". The Professor and I have been robbed of a shot at big $$$ after taking Speed Gifted at juicy odds in June/July. A heads up spruiking has turned into a total ass-punching. Thanks Lee. You better deliver that Melbourne Cup (also smashed Speed Gifted to win that too, at $41 I do believe!) with this Cox Plate/M. Cup masterplan of yours. Anyway, the cunning punters (JB aside, he is busy penning a he-she joke book, should hit all good bookstores in time for Christmas) here at WHAB have hit a few others at overs so without futher ado, as promised, your Caulfield Cup preview.
1. VIEWED (15) 57 Brad Rawiller $14
Captain: The reigning Melbourne Cup winner has been ticking over nicely and despite the handicap conditions is a live chance here. He won the Melbourne Cup last year with highly dubious form, so if his form this campaign is strong, a little piece of the Viewed/Viewed Caulfield Cup/Melbourne Cup double at around the $120 mark will hold you in good stead, lest the Cups King clean up again. If you were one of the three people throughout the whole of Australia who actually bet on him in last year's M. Cup, you can dust off those winnings and load up at $14 here. Personally, with the 57, and being one of those who'll get right back, possibly striking trouble, I'm inclined to add him to multiples rather than plonk on the nose.
Professor: His run home in the Turnbull really caught the eye and he’s close enough to my top pick based on that.
2. KIRKLEES (7) 56 Kerrin McEvoy $9
Captain: Unfortunately after last year's Caulfield Cup debacle, we have to fully respect Godolphin and their mountains of expensive horse flesh. It sucks, I know, but All The Good won and won well a year ago, making us all eat our losing tickets, lest we go hungry and shirtless on Caulfield Cup night. I will not be getting on this guy, he doesn't excite me, but that's not to say I'm safe from a hearty meal of losing tickets with a side of 7-11 tomato sauce on Saturday night.
Professor: Watched this one in the Sheema Classic from Dubai in Arabic. Dirka Dirka Purple Moon Dirka Dirka Dirka and Dirka Dirka Kirk-Dirka-Lees didn’t fire a shot. I’m Dirka elsewhere.
3. C'EST LA GUERRE (13) 55.5 Steven Arnold $17
Captain: Not really doing anything spectacular this prep but getting out to a suitable trip and becomes an altogether different proposition if we get a wet track. My advice on a dry track is to leave him out here, watch him get home for a tidy 5th-10th and make your Melbourne Cup call on that. On a slow or heavy track, you'd better get on because this guy will be paddling down the outside in laser suit and flippers.
Professor: The Turnbull run was probably better than it looked. And this is a horse that really needs 2400+ to show anything. I’ll watch the boards at Randwick and if it gets out to silly odds, I’ll happily drop a few dollars on this but it’ll really need to double the current price of $17.
4. CIMA DE TRIOMPHE (11) 55.5 Damien Oliver $7.50
Captain: Ah Francesca...what a breath of fresh air every Spring. Anyhow, Francesca's mother Sarah Cumani says that Kirklees is the only danger to this fella because "I don't really know anything about the Australian horses"...Kirklees aside, this guy has raced in some pretty highly rated races, including the Arlington Million in the U.S, so you've got to think that he's really the only logical danger to Kirklees. You've got to respect a Cumani trained horse here. Purple Moon, Mad Rush, Bauer...the guy doesn't bring duds over. CDT should run well and if he brings his A-game to Caulfield tomorrow, he might just be able to roll Kirklees...
Professor: I respect the Cumani horses. But I look at the guide and I watch the races on Youtube and I really haven’t seen it do anything to justify it’s current $7.50 quote. I wouldn’t ridicule you if this was your top pick because I respect the Cumani horses and the Arlington Million probably shouldn’t be confused with the SAAB.
5. FIUMICINO (20) 55.5 Dwayne Dunn $51
Captain: He had his favoured heavy track conditions in the Metropolitan, plugged home for 3rd, and while he'll be a bit fitter for the run, I can't entertain the idea of him winning this. Even on a heavy track, he'll need a jet-ski to be winning.
Professor: No.
6. MASTER O'REILLY (18) 55 Vlad Duric $15
Captain: Like a fine wine, Master O just gets better with age. Three runs this time in, each as pleasing as the other. Is no doubt a much better horse than when he actually won this race. Then, he had no weight and no Sydney and international horses to contend with due to Equine Influenza. Now, he has both to contend with. But, like a fine wine...Got him at $21 about ten minutes before the Yalumba last week, where he ran home nicely, that'll do me nicely.
Professor: Funny that the Captain mentions fine wine with this guy, because his best run this prep was in the Yalumba: makers of some god awful stuff. Good omen? Bad omen? Not sure but he looks on course for a really big run here.
7. ROMAN EMPEROR (5) 54 Hugh Bowman $19
Captain: Won the AJC Derby even though Predatory Pricer's name should have been the one engraved on the trophy. Even so, he's a pretty handy stayer and I'd be on this before Allez Wonder, that's for sure. His form is sound enough for this race, I prefer others on the "you can't back them all" rule but am adding him to multiples. A pineapple says it beats home Allez Wonder...any takers?
Professor: A live one at odds. But is $19 long enough? Not for me at this stage but I’m yet to rule a line through it.
8. SARRERA (10) 54 Nicholas Hall $51
Captain: Another runner who'd like a quagmire to trundle through tomorrow. He's now a 9.y.o. and since a purple patch in the autumn/winter of last year, he's not really caught the eye on a consistent basis. It's his lucky day, I'll leave him out without being too unkind.
Professor: I’ve ruled a line here. If I had access to one, I’d rule a line through this one with an industrial strength line making machine. Preferably one made by Germans. They know how to rule a line.
9. PREDATORY PRICER (16) 53.5 Steven King $8.50
Captain: This is a serious racehorse (a little brother to Takeover Target no less), though he still does a few things wrong in his races sometimes. He is one of my two big Spring spruikings. I had a nibble on him at $71 to win the Caulfield Cup when the market opened, and for most of this Carnival, it looked like he'd run in the Cox Plate only. Thank fuck he's running in both! Did I tell you the one about the Pricer in the AJC Derby? On that run, he's right in this. On his form he's right in this. Gate 16 not ideal, but you stick with your favourites; ain't that right Professor?!
Professor: I can’t say no to it based on it’s Derby run and the fact that it’s held it’s form so well. I worry that it might be a little more brilliant this time in but as it gets out into the double figure zone I get more inclined to include it.
10. RED RULER (14) 53.5 Danny Nikolic $15
Captain: Ran a nice race in the Turnbull but meets the Pricer 2kgs worse for not beating him then. I'm not sold on him at 2400m either. So that's a no from me to this communist bastard.
Professor: My second pick. In a perfect world, this one grabs the box seat and grinds them down from the 300 or so. It probably doesn’t have the brilliance to go toe to toe with some of the others, but with a smart ride (who better than Nikolic for this?) then it can steal this race.
11. ZAVITE (8) 53 Mark Zahra $51
Captain: Try the SAAB in a couple of weeks buddy. You guys are mad if you don't smash this to run a place in the SAAB.
Professor: Respectfully, no. Probably needs to be going better, another 800 metres and a weaker field.
12. HARRIS TWEED (2) 52.5 Craig Newitt $31
Captain: Sometimes after a Derby campaign, horses don't come back so well at the start of their 4.y.o. season and that's the basket I'm throwing this guy into. The Professor tells me that he was slopped up in the Kelt, but Youtube replays are grainy, the NZ camera angles unhelpful, and the innocuous looking 8.9L 14th/16 still stares back at me from the form guide.
Professor: The only bona fide roughy I could slap a few dollars on. The first two runs were honest returns for a stayer and they walked in the Kelt. And when I say walked, I’m not talking about gay Olympic style walking. Harris Tweed responded by racing up to the front and then there was nothing left for the final 200. Should be fitter and if so it will be a rough hope.
13. LIGHT VISION (19) 52.5 Luke Nolen $21
Captain: A great roughie here. Runs the trip out pretty strongly these days, gets some weight relief here, is honest as they come and will be at the front and staying out of trouble. If you are looking for value, here it is at $21.
Professor: I’d say that it’s more than likely that this guy will box his way into fifth or sixth in front of many more fancied runners (Cough Kirklees). Fifth doesn’t pay so no bet for me but this will run one hell of a race as always.
14. DAFFODIL (4) 51.5 Chris Munce $8.50
Captain: The Professor has a massive boner for Daffodil. Think of your favourite porno vid...that's the same erection that the Professor gets watching replays of Daffodil winning the AJC Oaks. Fair enough I'd say; she is a definite threat if she can reproduce that explosive finish...hehehe...explosive finish!
Professor: Ridiculously good in the AJC Oaks. If it reproduces that kind of run here, then I’ll be lining up from the 300 metre mark again. The boys know about my boner for this horse. In the Bjelke-Peterson days in QLD a man could marry a horse and there’s nothing wrong with that. The story of me elbowing patrons out of the way in the Randwick skybox shouting “Go the Daff” like a blowhard is well known. Whatever. The Kelt run was okay. It didn’t really get out until the 100 metre mark there and when it did it screamed “Give me 2400 metres, guy.”
15. READY TO LIFT (12) 51.5 Glen Boss $41
Captain: Not the worst, but I dare say we won't see ol' Bossy whooping it up in the winner's circle tomorrow. Won't go on too much more because after last year with Viewed, I'm shit-scared of knocking Brisbane Cup form.
Professor: Do you have a mediocre stayer and want to get involved in Australia’s premiere 2400 metre race? Keep Boxing Day free and you too can take on the mighty Zazabeau for your saloon passage to the Caulfield Cup. Zazabeau.
16. RED LORD (3) 51.5 Glyn Schofield $31
Captain: It's getting late, and thinking too much about Red Lord's chances in the Caulfield Cup is only going to deprive me of sleep. I'll sleep tight knowing that when push came to shove in the Turnbull, his lead up race, this guy got the hell outta there.
Professor: Probably not up to this but its run in the Naturalism was pretty nice.
17. VIGOR (22) 51 Corey Brown $9.50
Captain: I have seen some overrated horses in my time and this fella is right up there. Whilst Predatory Pricer has been mixing it with the Big Grey, Heart Of Dreams and Whobegotyou, and also has one of the best 3rds you'll ever see in the AJC Derby, and Master O and Viewed have done everything you'd want to see from Cups campaigners, this guy won at a mile, ran okay at 1800m, and then had a good old-fashioned flop-a-roo to lead into this at 2000m. Jockeys have been climbing over each other to get on board but I just can't see why. How he was ever at $7 equal favourite is absolutely beyond me, light weight and all. And now with gate 22 he's still at $9.50? I've been a doubter in terms of the Caulfield Cup since he won the Makybe Diva Stks, and I couldn't touch him at $9.50, even if you held a gun to my head...sometimes you've got to be a man of principal...I'll take the bullet for the team...
Professor: Someone dropped a squillion dollars on this after it won the Makybe Diva and has probably dropped the same again on counselling since. If it blows out to $20 on race day, this will probably have too much “Efficient 2007” about it for words and I’ll have no choice but to pound it. Otherwise, a little overrated I think.
18. ALLEZ WONDER (6) 50 Michelle Payne $12
Captain: You win a Toorak, you're not entitled to be $12 for the Caulfield Cup on suspicion. The Toorak and the Emirates are complete rubbish Group 1's. They are Group 2's at the very best. More like Group 3's. If this wins, we'll have to now respect the Toorak form, and life's so much easier when we can totally write it off. The Toorak is 1600m anyway. The Caulfield Cup is 2400m. And her last run at 2400m was an ignominious 15th. At the 2500m of the VRC Oaks, she finished 3rd in a weak field that was smashed accordingly by Samantha Miss. Distant 2nd that day? Miss Scarlatti...Pass, pass and pass.
Professor: Just when I thought some sanity was returning to proceedings following the drift out to $15 yesterday, it's been pumped into $12. If you are prepared to tell me that this is a better chance than Viewed, Master O and Red Ruler then wow, buddy. And if you are under the spell of the "Cups King" - and I won't fault you if you are- then look at the topweight, a Melbourne Cup winner who is probably going better than he was at this time last year and paying $14. And then you realise why Bart was so smug when he snuck Allez Wonder into the field. Whose horse benefits if a miler comes out and sets a cracking pace ? Why Bart's horse: Viewed. If you want to bet on AW doing anything, it's playing the role of Sandmason and going round the home turn 6 lengths in front, if it can go that long. The smug old bastard might have done it again.
CAPTAIN'S SELECTIONS
1. Predatory Pricer
2. Master O'Reilly
3. Light Vision
Working around those three with Viewed and Roman Emperor. Daffodil as well if she gets out from the shortish $8.50 at present.
PROFESSOR'S FINAL DAFFODIL LOVE-IN
I’ve had a top pick in this race since April and that’s Daffodil and she’s given me no reason to get off. Red Ruler, Viewed and Master O Reilly have given everyindication that they’ll be there at the finish as well. Predatory Pricer is thebig danger to Daffodil and should be kept very safe. The only roughie thatreally intrigues me is Harris Tweed but it’s a dollar or two kind of roughie.
Numbers: 14 Daffodil -10 Red Ruler -9 Predatory Pricer -6 Master O'Reilly
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