Melbourne Cup 2012

Welcome all to WHAB's annual Melbourne Cup Preview! Normally at this time of year I am joined by the Professor to discuss all things Cup but I'm afraid it's a dry argument when you're stuck in the Middle East.

The Professor on assignment for WHAB...

 Hopefully he'll at least be able to get some internet bets on and find coverage of the Cup on Al Jazeera. Anyway, I'm getting dribs and drabs from the man, so we'll piece together his tips. Let's roll!

1. DUNADEN   59   Williams/Delzangles

Captain: If you saw his win in the Caulfield Cup, on a day when nothing was running on from the back, consider that the only other horse with 58kg to even run a place in that event in the last 30 years was the great Northerly, and yeah, remember that he won this race last year, if you consider all this and don't have him in your multiples, then you sir, are an assclown.

Chaos: Indeed. 59 kg in the Melbourne Cup is a lot of weight. A lot of weight. At the same time, 58 kg was a lot of weight in the Caulfield Cup. Mot impressive Caulfield Cup run in my memory, and for me a must have.

2. AMERICAIN   58   Oliver/De Royer Dupre  

Captain: Staggering how a horse that won this in 2010 and with any sort of luck would have won last year as well was offered at 30/1. That's right, 30/1 on a horse who is just perfectly suited to this race. Like I said, with any sort of luck in the run would have won last year, so to try and take luck out of the equation, Oliver replaces Mosse, who despite riding a great race on him in the 2010 Cup, has preferred the company of revellers on the grandstand fence in recent times. Ran a very nice Caulfield Cup, better suited here at two miles, and meets Dunaden 4.5kg better than in last year's Cup. Anyway, I see they're currently offering $6 on him...

Chaos: Beginning to drift in the market, now out to $8. I think the run in the Caulfield Cup was good, though nowhere near the quality of Dunaden's run. A must for your top four, but I prefer the other two French horses, though only barely.

3. JAKKALBERRY   55.5   O'Donoghue/Botti

Captain: Racking up the frequent flyers, some of his runs on his World Tour have been really good, others not so good. My biggest concern is he's never drawn anywhere near gate 19, never raced in a 24 horse field, and I think they are big issues for him here. Has ability but will have to pass.

Chaos: Passing on Jakkalberry. Some good runs, I just prefer others.

4. RED CADEAUX   55.5   Rodd/Dunlop

Captain: Beaten the width of a pubic hair last year and will be going close again. Curiously has been slugged 2kg on last year for winning a Group 2 in the UK...Dunaden carries 4.5kg more for winning a Melbourne Cup, a Hong Kong Vase and a Caulfield Cup. Perhaps a bit harshly dealt with considering, but he will be in the finish nonetheless and any rain would help. 

Chaos: Along with Dunaden, this one is my top pick for this years running. The weight turnaround on Dunaden is enough to give this a real shake. All runs since have demonstrated that he hasn't gotten worse since last year, and at least we know he runs the trip and can deal with a field of this size.

5. WINCHESTER   55.5   Mott/Sadler

Captain: Probably the greatest plugger to ever visit these shores, he's always thereabouts. By thereabouts, I mean plugging home solidly for 7th. Just plugs all day. Unfortunately for Winchester, you can't win a Melbourne Cup plugging...at the price is worth a thought for multiples though.

Chaos: Every year, only 10 horses or so genuinely run the trip. This will be one of them - so at $41 he's worth a ticket. The form in the lead in has been good enough as well.

6. VOILA ICI   55   Duric/Moody

Captain: I was on him at big odds for the Caulfield Cup, he jarred up, ran last, and that is about the worst lead up you can have for a Cup. Moody even said himself that there are others who deserve to be in the Cup more than this, but selfishly accepted anyway. In fairness, I would have done the same. He'll play the role of the Aidan O'Brien runner, set a Lightning Stks tempo and knock up near the tail. Big wooden spoon hope.

Voila Ici at the 600m...

Chaos: The captain twisted my arm to have a good piece of this in the Caulfield Cup. I won't be doubling up here.
7. CAVALRYMAN   54   Dettori/Bin Suroor

Captain: Cavalryman circa 2009 goes pretty close to winning this. Not sure about this year's edition, seems a lot more dour these day, but obviously two miles looks his go and this is the least amount of weight he's ever carried. I will leave him out, but won't consider you an assclown if you throw him in...

Chaos: Passing.

8. MOUNT ATHOS   54   Moore/Cumani

Captain: I have the utmost respect for Luca Cumani, and his daughter is a good sort, but question where this one is in the market here. He's been winning comfortably but he's not beaten much, granted he's been carrying some bullshit weights, but this is a huge acid test. At the odds, would you really back him before the two Frenchies?

Chaos: Will likely start favourite given the last few hours of betting. I'd prefer the three French horses to him, but I understand why you'd chase this one.

9. SANAGAS   54   Hall/Bart Cummings

Captain: I was about to tee off about how fucking hopeless this thing is, but upon further investigation, perhaps it's not so bad. Hard to see it winning but if I'm being honest, it's form is probably as good as Viewed's was going into this, if not better...one to think about if you want some really juice in your multiples...

Chaos: I am not seeing what the Captain is seeing here. Pass!

10. ETHIOPIA   53.5   McLeod/Carey

Captain: Despite Pat Carey usurping Lloyd Williams as the racing industry's king of spin-doctoring, you should keep this one very safe. Originally one of my two Cups horses for the Spring, I've had to endure Carey's will he or won't he bullshit for the last 12 weeks, when he should have straight up said Ethiopia was always being set for the Cup and nothing but the Cup. Only time he stepped out to a trip he powered home from last to win the AJC Derby. Would be something if he had just his second career win in the Cup...

Chaos: Form is very good, and this to me is by far the pick of the Australian runners. Along with the French horses rounds out my top four.

11. FIORENTE   53.5   McDonald/Waterhouse

Captain: I'll grant that this has ability but I'm leaving it out.

Chaos: Team Waterhouse is a concern - the distance races don't tend to suit the classic Waterhouse approach. However, this one is a recent addition, has form around the best European horses, and has been out-and-out missed by the handicapper. Add to that a scintillating gallop last week, and you have the pick of the roughies.

12. GALILEO'S CHOICE   53.5   Smullen/Weld

Captain: Dermot Weld has always given me the shits with his incessant pissin' an' moanin'. Apparently he's been in good spirits, hopefully this thing bombs, he becomes a cranky old bastard again and order is restored. Because it would make a mockery of our Great Race if a fucking hurdler gets up. That's right, he's been preparing for this over the jumps. Fuck me.

Chaos: Team Weld's supporters have smashed this overnight. Probably gets 2 miles without too much problems and has really in my opinion been missed by the handicapper.

13. GLENCADAM GOLD   53.5   Berry/Waterhouse

Captain: Worked early in the Caulfield Cup but more was expected and not delivered. I wasn't convinced of him getting two miles before and I am all but certain he won't after that. Will get in an epic speed battle with Voila Ici and they'll finish together, at the wrong end of the field.

Chaos: The shine is off after Caulfield. To an extent, you could say that Kellini went out and franked the Metrop form last week. If you can forgive the Caulfield run you could have this one at odds, but combine it with the front running style, and even with some considerable improvement this one is hard to see winning. Likely to SANDMASON this one and set up the backmarkers.

14. GREEN MOON   53.5   Prebble/Hickmott

Captain: No idea why he ran in the Cox, no idea why he started favourite there. Like Glencadam Gold, there is nothing in his CV that says he runs two miles. Under the odds. 

Chaos: Favourite for everything this year a few weeks ago from the Metrop to the Cox, to the Caulfield to this race and next season of Masterchef. This is one overrated animal.

Green Moon gears up for Masterchef Series 5...

15. MALUCKYDAY   53.5   Cassidy/Team Hawkes

Captain: Even forgetting the farcically run Geelong Cup, the Tanby form was found wanting in the Lexus. Will be competitive, but agree with the Professor here, they really have got the Aussie market wrong. He's not the same horse as he was when he ran 2nd in this race in 2010.

Chaos: The form hasn't been good enough for me and shouldn't be the top Aussie chance - one has to think that Mourayan, Ethiopia and Lights of Heaven are going much better.

16. MOURAYAN   53.5   Bowman/Hickmott

Captain: I liked this guy last year but in typical Williams' camp fashion they waited till everyone had backed it before scratching it late. Nothing to say that won't happen again I guess, but if he runs, he's a chance. Will park just behind the speed and will run the two miles. That's exactly what you're looking for in a Cup, the only question is whether he is good enough. Throw him into your exotics.

Chaos: I'll let the Captain sell you on this one.

17. MY QUEST FOR PEACE   53.5   Brown/Cumani

Captain:  I have the utmost respect for Luca Cumani, and his daughter is a good sort, but I wanted to see more form this one in the Caulfield Cup to pique my interest, he really had every chance there.

Chaos: Did enough in the Caulfield to warrant a serious look, but you can't have them all..

18. NIWOT   53.5   Dunn/Team Hawkes

Captain: Nothing in his recent form suggests he will improve on last year's 8th carrying 2.5kg more... 

Chaos: I'll have a cheeky $5er on Niwot on the off chance that he finds his A-game. But, I do love Niwot. You aren't likely as emotionally involved, so best to leave alone.

19. TAC DE BOISTRON   53.5   Doleuze/Kent

Captain: No rain, no Tac.

Chaos: Would be a special if this was being run in New York last week.

20. LIGHTS OF HEAVEN   53   Nolen/Moody

Captain: I'd be backing this before Kelinni and Maluckyday at similar odds, that's for sure. Bred to stay and should be at her peak for this. 

Chaos: Had all the favours in the Caulfield Cup. That said, this is a very well weighted horse and capable of upstaging the imports if they run this at a slow pace.

21. PRECEDENCE   53   Shinn/Cummings

Captain: I know he's out of Zabeel but he just doesn't get two miles. Bart is just taking the piss. 

Chaos: Piss is being taken.

22. UNUSUAL SUSPECT   53   Schofield/Kent

Captain: This guy's form speaks for itself so instead, here's something more interesting...

Chaos: I suspect this one would be better off in the Long Black, where he'd still need to be paying double figures.

23. ZABEELIONAIRE:   52   Newitt/Corstens

Captain: Bryan Martin made the mistake of comparing his run in the Mackinnon to a Bart Cummings stayer. Then all the Channel 7 people picked up on it because they don't have any opinions of their own and it has just got out of hand. Fuck Channel 7. He'll beat more home than beat him but doubt he has the class to take this out.  

Chaos: No better than Winchester in his Mackinnon run. And Winchester has the pedigree and has had a more consistent prep.

24. KELINNI   51   Boss/Waller

Captain: While you can't ever right off a Lexus winner completely, I'm not convinced the form there will stack up this time. At $19, well, Lights Of Heaven is at that price, and has much better credentials. No value at all. 

Chaos: Waller is a training ninja, so to me this one can't be written off. And is there any greater ninja move than the 30 day break, run, and three day back up?

Let's Fighting Love!!!

SELECTIONS

Captain:

1. Americain
2. Dunaden
3. Red Cadeaux
4. Ethiopia

Boxing those four with Lights Of Heaven and Mourayan. Should be cleaning up big time!

Chaos: My top four are Red Cadeaux - Dunaden - Ethiopia - Fiorente. Obviously worried about Americain and Mt Athos. I could probably add Galileo's Choice to my bets as well.

For a $100 investment I will likely look at

$25 win Red Cadeaux = $212.50
$30 win Dunaden = $240
$15 win Ethiopia = $315
$10/$10 Fiorente = $310/100

WHAB's Melbourne Cup 2012 Form Guide

...Coming soon. All the form and selections for the great race, plus a high speed car chase, a special guest for this year's edition, circus elephants, possibly a cross to the Professor wandering the globe, explosions, maybe Dan Nikolic, and definitely no Mitchell Johnson...

  Oh, It's On.....Melbourne Cup 2012 at WHAB...

A Sigh Of Relief...

Australian Test Squad to face South Africa:

Michael Clarke (c)
Shane Watson (v-c)
Ed Cowan
David Warner
Ricky Ponting
Mike Hussey
Matthew Wade
Peter Siddle
James Pattinson
Ben Hilfenhaus
Nathan Lyon
Mitchell Starc

It's the first step towards a Johnson-less summer for the Australian Cricket side...

And that sounds fucking great to me.

Hey Robert Craddock...

Being chief sportswriter for the Courier Mail does not give you an exclusive license to comment on racing if you don't understand the sport. Being chief sportswriter for the Courier Mail means you are the chief sportswriter for a god-awful publication, but nonetheless, one that actually has people that know a little something about racing, unlike yourself. Don't write about racing ever again, because on your one racing masterpiece, it's clear you know nothing about racing, maybe less than you know about cricket. You are a fucking nonsense Craddock, how you are chief sportswriter of anything, even the abomination that is the Brisbane Courier Mail, I have no idea, and I hope sincerely you cop a sharp kick to the balls from both Luke Nolen and Nash Rawiller. I will be lining up right behind them. Oh yeah, right to the fucking ghoulies you clown...   

Johnson Watch

1st ODI, Australia vs Pakistan

Pattinson:  9.1 overs 3/19

Starc:  10 overs 5/42

Johnson: 9 overs 1/43

Thankfully for Australia, Johnson was able to pick up the absolutely crucial wicket of Tanvir.

Johnson goes nuts after picking up Pakistan's dangerous no. 9...

QLD Make It Eight/Nine Straight

QLD has been gifted a (record) eighth and (record) ninth straight Origin series victories today, after NSWRL conceded the 2013 and 2014 series, appointing Laurie Daley as Blues coach. Daley, a culpable selector for the Blues five consecutive, uncompetitive series losses between 2006 and 2010, takes over from Ricky Stuart, an actual coach, who still couldn't get the job done. 

Oh fucking hell, is that a fucking Maroons shirt already?!? If you can't beat 'em join 'em eh Loz!

 His head coaching CV includes five games at the helm for Country Origin (two wins), and three games in charge of the Indigenous All Stars (one win).  Despite a lack of coaching experience and success, and the fact that no Blues fan holds any hope for the next two years, Daley remains optimistic. “I think I know what is required. Phase one is working together as a team. Phase three is winning the Origin series." 

 Former Maroons halfback Allan Langer praised the decision. “I know Laurie is still very passionate about the NSW side and he'll do a very good job,” he said, trying to stifle a cheeky chuckle.

 A regular in the commentary box for Foxsports, Daley has shown great insight into the game of rugby league, particularly with classic predictions like "the team who comes out and scores the most points in this game will win", "what a competition we have, on any given day 1st can beat 16th" and on Origin, "New South Wales will need to score tries if they are going to beat Queensland".

 Daley reportedly beat out the actively job-seeking pair of Stephen Kearney and Nathan Brown for the position.

Can we expect Mitchell Johnson to get better?

It's an article of faith in Australian cricket circles that there is a well of untapped potential somewhere under Mitchell Johnson's mega-tough tattoos. The argument tends to run along the lines of:

• Mitchell Johnson is a 'once-in-a-generation' bowler (top pick Dennis!);
• All we need to do is wait for Mitch to realise his full potential.

This was highlighted by Chairman of Selectors, John Inverarity who noted that:

`We know how well he can bowl. That Test match against England in Perth when he got his action just right. It is in there somewhere, if we can provide the support and he can deliver than he is an outstanding player. Mitch has x-factor and of course.... Now he has to perform.'

So, can we expect a renaissance from Mitch? By awarding a contract to Johnson, Cricket Australia seems to think so. Rather than speculate on Mitch finding his X-FACTOR, I thought a more robust approach would be to see what the top fast bowlers over the last 20 years can tell us about what we can expect now from MITCH, and whether CA can expect much of a return on its investment.

I've gone to cricinfo and taken a sample of the highest wicket taking fast bowlers of the last 30 years. Effectively, to make this study, a bowler needs to have taken more than 200 test wickets and bowled a test match delivery in the 1990s. That gives a sample of almost 40 quick bowlers.

I'm interested in how many wickets that each bowler has taken by year of age. What I've come up with is a very rough aging curve for fast bowlers. This is what it looks like.

What does it tell us?

• Fast bowlers tend to enjoy some success at a young age, some of the better quick bowlers were showing a lot of promise in their late teens to early twenties.
• Fast bowlers have an 'injury nexus' at around 21/22 years of age. This isn't relevant to this post but it's really interesting information in light of Australia's ashes hopes being pinned to young bowlers like Pattinson and Cummins.
• Fast bowlers peak between the ages of 25 and 28.
• Fast bowlers tend to fall off gradually until they hit 31, and then decline much more rapidly from that point.

Mitch is 31.  His last two seasons have been disasters. So based on this rudimentary analysis, we could quickly make the case that perhaps Mitch is unlikely to get better. I'm happy to finish it there, but perhaps we would be well served to have a look at the data in a touch more detail and see whether these is still hope for Mitch. As such, I have broken the sample into three sections:

• bowlers who had long, stable careers (about half of the sample); 
• bowlers who found another gear in their early 30s (about 10 per cent of the sample); and 
• bowlers that declined rapidly from their peak years (about 40 per cent of the sample). 

Mitch can't fall into that first category given his performance over the last 2 years. 

These are the business as usual quicks, that keep on going into their early thirties. They don't get better, and they don't get worse in a hurry. These guys don't really match the profile we have seen with Mitch to date, so we've thrown them out (or at least I haven't bothered putting together a chart for them). Some of them start awesome, and stay awesome into their late thirties (McGrath, Ambrose). Some start out mediocre and continue to be mediocre (Vaas, Caddick, Martin). Anyway, they don't fit the profile that we are looking for so we'll move on to the two groups that do. 

So the career profiles that we have left are the guys that got better, and the guys that got worse.

The late bloomer

The career path that we could hope for in the best case scenario, and the one that CA appears to be banking on given Johnson's inclusion in ODI squads for both England, and now Pakistan appears to be that Mitch will improve at age 31.
Out of our sample of almost 40 bowlers, only four found another gear in their early thirties as it were.

The late bloomers effectively amount to:

• Two of the greatest fast bowlers of all time - Courtney Walsh and SIR Richard Hadlee;
• Alan Donald who took 80 test wickets at age 32; and
• A toiler who had the best season of his career at age 33 - go Merv!

There isn't a particularly good comparison for Mitch on this list. The first two guys on the list are two of the smartest bowlers that I have watched play the game. Bowlers who lost yards of pace and still found ways to get an ass-load of batsmen out. Alan Donald's body was spared the grind of test cricket until Apartheid was lifted in 1991 which may have helped delay his peak a bit. And Merv. I have no explanation for Merv.

The rapid decline 

This is the other category that Mitch can fit in to given his profile to date. Bowlers who fell off dramatically from 29 to 31 years of age. The sample is full of bowlers that fit this profile, but I've picked six for the chart below. These guys were good (Hoggard) to excellent for their peak years, but all of these guys were completely spent forces by 30 apart from Waqar who was gone by 31.

These careers look like good comparators for Johnson, in fact one bowler in particular has looked pretty similar.

Yep, Mitchell Johnson is a poor man's Steve Harmison. You would hope in a post-Argus world that CA would undertake this kind of analysis, but Johnson's continuing presence in the squad and my Ashes nightmares means that they probably haven't.

Ashes 2013. Get excited!

Johnson Watch

Well Mitch Johnson is all fired up and ready to go for the final ODI, that incidentally, means nothing. Talking the talk for the dead rubber he is:

"There's maybe a bit of fire missing in our one-day side. My role in the team is I want to have that fire in the belly, get really aggressive, show them that we're serious and get on top of them. It could take a few games, it might be the next game where it all switches back on for me."


Is this guy fucking for real?!?

For more extensive bollocks, some of the most extensive bollocks imaginable:

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/content/current/story/571697.html

Fucking laughable. I was not really watching an AFL game at the weekend and heard Dermott Brereton even taking a potshot at Johnson's wayward bowling. So more of the same I'm boldly predicting:

The Great Debate: Who Sucks More?

Arriving home from Suncorp Stadium, after yet another Origin series loss, all I could think about was how much I fucking loathe Ben Creagh. So much so that I stunned the Qld bogans sitting around me at the game when I unleashed a stinging torrent of abuse at him after he went down like the softcock he is. After directing him towards the bench, questioning his commitment/skills/ticker/sexuality, hollering "You're nothing but a waste of a fucking interchange!" and wondering why this pussy is taking game time off a courageous cover tackle merchant like Luke Lewis, I pointed out to the rednecks that I realised he was "on our team" but I didn't care because he's shit, and a girly-man. Here's what I'm fucking talking about:

NB: Thaiday, who picks exclusively on Mitchell Pearce because he's small, senses that Creagh is a cat and moves in for some bullying...    

I was just as disgusted when I flicked on the 2nd ODI in England the other night to see Mitchell Johnson named in the side. So let me get this straight...a guy bowls pies all summer and takes no wickets despite the fact we are smashing the Indians, then gets injured and doesn't play for 6 months, and not only do we find a seat on the plane to England for him, we rush him back into the side as soon as possible? He's been fucking terrible for as long as I can remember and this has been well-documented here. Not to mention that last time he was in England he had a fucking meltdown because his Mum said she doesn't like his girlfriend. And bowled overs and overs of fucking garbage. At the top of his run, all this bitch could think about was how Mummy could be so mean rather than how he was going to knock over the Poms. And he even fucking admitted it. Fucking weak as piss. To be fair, he bowled particularly well for his 0/43 off 7 overs the other night, with a career low of only 2 wides. Promising stuff. If the Poms were smart, they'd tank the rest of this ODI series and deliberately throw their wicket away to Johnson. All of their wickets. The selectors will see 10/66 and he'll be thrust into the Ashes series. Think about it England...you know it just as much as I do:

     

So who sucks more? Two useless, weak-minded deadshits, that know just how to rub up the selectors. I can't split them...and the debate will rage on.....

Posted without comment

Things That Suck In Sport

The McIntyre System. The drawing of lots. The AFL Rulebook circa 2012. The 2-3-2 NBA Finals System. Just to name a few...

What is with the 2-3-2 system? The rest of the playoff series' are 2-2-1-1-1. But the Finals become an absolute joke when Lebron James races to a 3-1 lead, I mean Miami race to a 3-1 lead, with a chance to close out the championship on their home floor. Which of course would mean that through 5 games they have played more games at home than the higher seeded Thunder...that just should never happen. Ever. What's the point of the Thunder being top seed if they don't even fucking make it back home?!? You'd rather be seeded lower, pinch one of the first two on the road and never look back! Bullshit!

  The scene for Game 6 if the Thunder don't get their shit together!

Pictures Tell A Thousand Words

I don't feel I need to really go on too much about this but I must say:

In *slow motion*, Farah "kicked" the ball. Into Inglis' hand. The ball went backward off Farah's boot/forward off Inglis' hand. The ball hit the ground. Knock on. Any day, any time, anywhere, anyhow, no matter how much piss you've drunk or how many lines of coke you've snorted. Knock on. Period.

Worst call ever.

*At full speed, there is no way known Farah had time to deliberately play at the football, it is an impossibility of physics to suggest he did so. He was stepping back to the inside and looking nowhere near where the ball was. It shouldn't have mattered anyway because, like I said, the ball went forward off Inglis' hand. And that is an undeniable fact to everyone other than that fucking faggot who manned the video ref's box...*

Anyway, watch the replays. Judge for yourself ...

Worst call ever.

That is all.

NSW Origin 2012 - Same Old Fucking Nonsense It Seems...

  The first thought that came to mind when looking at the 2012 NSW team on paper was "What the fuck is Bird doing at fullback?". The second thought I had was "What the fuck is Uate doing on the bench?". To Sticky and Bozo, announcing a 17-man squad in alphabetical order and in no particular postion might seem really clever, but to the Captain it's completely stupid, incredibly annoying, unnecesarily confusing, and quite frankly, it's just fucking amateur hour.

  Now down to business. Trent Merrin is an okay player. Ben Creagh is a fucking sissy who ran away from Sam Thaiday and Justin Hodges. Anthony Watmough, I'll grant that he's dumb as a fucking post, but he is an Origin player in every sense of the word, has played inspiring football in every Origin he's played, and I actually doubt that he's ever played a bad game of footy in his entire life. So this is a fucking disgrace. Why an okay player and a fucking pansy are picked over Watmough, I'll never know. And more to the point, I don't want to know. Because I'll just want to fucking hit someone. Unlike Ben Creagh who is scared of Sam Thaiday and Justin Hodges, and probably his own shadow. Fucking cat...

  I also have no idea why Robbie Farah circa 2012 is a more tantalising proposition than previous versions. The 2012 Tigers have been shit, he's been pretty fucking average, and quite frankly, he has never given me any indication that he's an Origin player. Ennis was solid as a rock in the Origins he has played, and to boot, Qlder's hate him. So why change it? The only reason you would change the starting hooker is if you would want the second best hooker in the country (unfortunately for him, the second best hooker at the Melbourne Storm), Ryan Hinchcliffe in the side. No disrespect to Jamie Buhrer, I quite like the kid, but I find it pretty fucking frustrating when NSW pick two hookers and neither of them is in the top two hookers in the land, or a proven Origin player...

In summary: No Watmough = fucking outrageous disgrace. Farah = untrustworthy/not in top 5 hookers in the country. Merrin = 1/10 x Watmough. Creagh = homo/not even close to as good as Watmough/pussy/not an Origin player/scared of unscary people like Hodges and Thaiday (who picked on Dugan/Soward/Pearce exclusively last year...you're a fucking tough cunt Sammy.....).

I love the Blues and would happily eat my words for a long awaited series victory, so I just hope these fuckers prove me wrong...

Fuck you Channel Nine

"You speaka my language?" I asked the girl on the other end of the line...not knowing what I had just phone ordered at Domino's after their internet service was fucked once again, I thought I'd better head down and make sure I was getting something with meat, BBQ sauce and cheese on it, at the very least. "I've got just over 20 mins till season 2012 kicks off", I thought to myself as I waited for my pizza; at this stage I would have taken an ungodly Veg-o-rama just to make it back for kickoff...anyways, I open the door to my house, and with Hungry Jack's in hand, I rush inside and flick to Channel Nine, only to realise that ACA is the business...what the fuck was I thinking? Well, they have another channel, Gem I think it's called, they'll have the NRL SEASON OPENER ON ***LIVE*** for sure... David Schwimmer and Jennifer Aniston don't play in the NRL...What the fuck disrespect is this? FRIENDS? Are you fucking kidding me?

#$@%********Scene missing*******#$W$%.........................

If anyone out there can find me a serious sporting competition who don't show their season opener live, please contact us at haveabowl@hotmail.com...

Channel Nine is an absolute disgrace and do not deserve any sort of broadcast rights to the NRL.
I've been trying to think of any other serious sports competition in the world where you can't watch opening night live....

Gasol In, Gasol Out...

A source within the Lakers camp has revealed that former All Star Pau Gasol is no longer speaking to his younger brother after Marc was named an All Star last week. "Yeah, he's got sand in his vagina over this one" the anonymous source was quoted as saying. "Kinda like one time when I was at the Palace at Auburn Hills but way more soft" he added. Marisa Gasol, mother of Pau and Marc later confirmed the bitchiness. "Pau is being a baby. He has always been the soft and delicate one in the family. I said 'be happy for your little brother'. He just pulled a face like this":

Marc was reluctant to talk to WHAB at first about such a "sensitive issue" but soon joined in the fun. "Look, I love my brother, but he can be very jealous sometimes. Especially when I'm an All Star now and he's not"! Lakers coach Mike Brown also noticed that Pau had been pouting more than usual. "You get used to Pau being temperamental, but he's been unbearable this week. Not even cuddles from Kobe can cheer him up!"

Meanwhile, Snoop Dogg, self-declared Laker Fan #1 voiced his opinion via Twitter:

When asked by WHAB what it felt like to be way more soft than his All Star brother, Pau responded in typical softcock fashion:

Foul! I was fouled! Why no foul?!?

Serenity Now!

Great to see one time actor and renowned beep test merchant Brad Hogg back in the Aussie side for the T20 World Cup.

An aspiring actor in his youth, Hogg played nut-case Lloyd Braun on Seinfeld...

Not only has the old timer killed it in the Big Bash League the last 6 weeks or so, but I've yet to hear from someone who dislikes the man. And if you do happen to dislike the guy, well you can go fuck yourself quite frankly, because Hoggy rules! What's not to like? The guy just loves cricket and plays it how it should be played. Hopefully the Hogg-ster can steer his Perth Scorchers to victory in the final this weekend, win me cash, and maintain his amazing form for the T20 World Cup.

"Why Can't You Be More Like Lloyd Braun?!?"