Pictures Tell A Thousand Words

I don't feel I need to really go on too much about this but I must say:

In *slow motion*, Farah "kicked" the ball. Into Inglis' hand. The ball went backward off Farah's boot/forward off Inglis' hand. The ball hit the ground. Knock on. Any day, any time, anywhere, anyhow, no matter how much piss you've drunk or how many lines of coke you've snorted. Knock on. Period.

Worst call ever.

*At full speed, there is no way known Farah had time to deliberately play at the football, it is an impossibility of physics to suggest he did so. He was stepping back to the inside and looking nowhere near where the ball was. It shouldn't have mattered anyway because, like I said, the ball went forward off Inglis' hand. And that is an undeniable fact to everyone other than that fucking faggot who manned the video ref's box...*

Anyway, watch the replays. Judge for yourself ...

Worst call ever.

That is all.

NSW Origin 2012 - Same Old Fucking Nonsense It Seems...

  The first thought that came to mind when looking at the 2012 NSW team on paper was "What the fuck is Bird doing at fullback?". The second thought I had was "What the fuck is Uate doing on the bench?". To Sticky and Bozo, announcing a 17-man squad in alphabetical order and in no particular postion might seem really clever, but to the Captain it's completely stupid, incredibly annoying, unnecesarily confusing, and quite frankly, it's just fucking amateur hour.

  Now down to business. Trent Merrin is an okay player. Ben Creagh is a fucking sissy who ran away from Sam Thaiday and Justin Hodges. Anthony Watmough, I'll grant that he's dumb as a fucking post, but he is an Origin player in every sense of the word, has played inspiring football in every Origin he's played, and I actually doubt that he's ever played a bad game of footy in his entire life. So this is a fucking disgrace. Why an okay player and a fucking pansy are picked over Watmough, I'll never know. And more to the point, I don't want to know. Because I'll just want to fucking hit someone. Unlike Ben Creagh who is scared of Sam Thaiday and Justin Hodges, and probably his own shadow. Fucking cat...

  I also have no idea why Robbie Farah circa 2012 is a more tantalising proposition than previous versions. The 2012 Tigers have been shit, he's been pretty fucking average, and quite frankly, he has never given me any indication that he's an Origin player. Ennis was solid as a rock in the Origins he has played, and to boot, Qlder's hate him. So why change it? The only reason you would change the starting hooker is if you would want the second best hooker in the country (unfortunately for him, the second best hooker at the Melbourne Storm), Ryan Hinchcliffe in the side. No disrespect to Jamie Buhrer, I quite like the kid, but I find it pretty fucking frustrating when NSW pick two hookers and neither of them is in the top two hookers in the land, or a proven Origin player...

In summary: No Watmough = fucking outrageous disgrace. Farah = untrustworthy/not in top 5 hookers in the country. Merrin = 1/10 x Watmough. Creagh = homo/not even close to as good as Watmough/pussy/not an Origin player/scared of unscary people like Hodges and Thaiday (who picked on Dugan/Soward/Pearce exclusively last year...you're a fucking tough cunt Sammy.....).

I love the Blues and would happily eat my words for a long awaited series victory, so I just hope these fuckers prove me wrong...

Fuck you Channel Nine

"You speaka my language?" I asked the girl on the other end of the line...not knowing what I had just phone ordered at Domino's after their internet service was fucked once again, I thought I'd better head down and make sure I was getting something with meat, BBQ sauce and cheese on it, at the very least. "I've got just over 20 mins till season 2012 kicks off", I thought to myself as I waited for my pizza; at this stage I would have taken an ungodly Veg-o-rama just to make it back for kickoff...anyways, I open the door to my house, and with Hungry Jack's in hand, I rush inside and flick to Channel Nine, only to realise that ACA is the business...what the fuck was I thinking? Well, they have another channel, Gem I think it's called, they'll have the NRL SEASON OPENER ON ***LIVE*** for sure... David Schwimmer and Jennifer Aniston don't play in the NRL...What the fuck disrespect is this? FRIENDS? Are you fucking kidding me?

#$@%********Scene missing*******#$W$%.........................

If anyone out there can find me a serious sporting competition who don't show their season opener live, please contact us at haveabowl@hotmail.com...

Channel Nine is an absolute disgrace and do not deserve any sort of broadcast rights to the NRL.
I've been trying to think of any other serious sports competition in the world where you can't watch opening night live....

Gasol In, Gasol Out...

A source within the Lakers camp has revealed that former All Star Pau Gasol is no longer speaking to his younger brother after Marc was named an All Star last week. "Yeah, he's got sand in his vagina over this one" the anonymous source was quoted as saying. "Kinda like one time when I was at the Palace at Auburn Hills but way more soft" he added. Marisa Gasol, mother of Pau and Marc later confirmed the bitchiness. "Pau is being a baby. He has always been the soft and delicate one in the family. I said 'be happy for your little brother'. He just pulled a face like this":

Marc was reluctant to talk to WHAB at first about such a "sensitive issue" but soon joined in the fun. "Look, I love my brother, but he can be very jealous sometimes. Especially when I'm an All Star now and he's not"! Lakers coach Mike Brown also noticed that Pau had been pouting more than usual. "You get used to Pau being temperamental, but he's been unbearable this week. Not even cuddles from Kobe can cheer him up!"

Meanwhile, Snoop Dogg, self-declared Laker Fan #1 voiced his opinion via Twitter:

When asked by WHAB what it felt like to be way more soft than his All Star brother, Pau responded in typical softcock fashion:

Foul! I was fouled! Why no foul?!?

Serenity Now!

Great to see one time actor and renowned beep test merchant Brad Hogg back in the Aussie side for the T20 World Cup.

An aspiring actor in his youth, Hogg played nut-case Lloyd Braun on Seinfeld...

Not only has the old timer killed it in the Big Bash League the last 6 weeks or so, but I've yet to hear from someone who dislikes the man. And if you do happen to dislike the guy, well you can go fuck yourself quite frankly, because Hoggy rules! What's not to like? The guy just loves cricket and plays it how it should be played. Hopefully the Hogg-ster can steer his Perth Scorchers to victory in the final this weekend, win me cash, and maintain his amazing form for the T20 World Cup.

"Why Can't You Be More Like Lloyd Braun?!?"

Assclown Of The Week!

The artist formerly known as Ron Artest, now Metta World Peace...

Why India Don't Want DRS

The reason the Indians don't want the DRS is pretty obvious after Day 1 of the First Test; they appeal wildly for everything that goes past the bat and pressure the umpires into bad decisions that are unable to be reviewed. In other words, they are dirty fucking cheats. That is the only conclusion one can come to after the fucking disgrace that was Day 1 of the Boxing Day Test. The Huss...robbed. Debutante Cowan...robbed. Indians...dirty fucking cheats. As Tony Greig said, "I can see why they don't want the DRS". That's because they are cheating bastards. Why else would you be the only fucking country in the world to not embrace technology that assists in getting the right results? Because you are dodgy, cheating fuckers, that's why.

Would you trust this dodgy looking fucker further than you could throw him?!? Nice hairdo you cheating fucking cockbag...

The Evolution Of A Mullet

Did That Really Happen?/Bring Back The Kat!

I don't think there's anyone out there that thought the Ram Rooters could conceivably win the Hobart Test after being rolled for 150 in their first innings. In hindsight, the pitch was green and menacing, and the weather overcast, so perhaps it wasn't the worst score considering. During the Aussie first innings, despite telling everybody that I've moved on, I once again found myself missing the Kat. Seriously, fuck Phil Hughes right off. In fact, I'll throw down the gauntlet here and challenge Hughes to an over of my right arm slow bowling. "Right arm slow" I here you ask? That's right. Because I have a plan. He won't last the over. Not even on Gabba Grass. A couple of balls delivered on a length, a foot outside off and I'll let my nine (9) slips take care of the rest. Because the guy can't fucking help himself. He is not equipped to be a Test opener.

A real Test opener. Notice the poise, control, and the ball not headed in the direction of the slip cordon...

Now for Khawaja. I think the guy has great potential. I recall a time when I also had great potential, but alas it went unfulfilled. So it's time for Usman to either get the fuck on with scoring big or spend the rest of his days on the blogosphere like the rest of us who once showed potential. Also, he needs to work on his short leg-manship because at the moment he is a poor man's Simon Katich in that position.

The Kat on his toes and ready to pounce...

Time's up for Ponting. He was a well-documented fucking god-awful captain but his batting was world class back in the day. I used to curse his name when I caught sight of him striding out but secretly felt kind of safe about him coming in at 3. Now he's set about disgracing himself and I just can't have it, not just because it's completely fucking selfish to hang on when you're clearly past it, but when there's batsmen galore in form on the domestic scene, well go fuck yourself Punter. I hate it when has-beens feel the need to "go out on their own terms". It would be better if they went out on my terms. With a sharp, swift one to the testicles and complimentary abusive blog rant.

There are only two points I want to make about our Captain. One is that it is his fault that we have to keep playing Test matches without our best performed batsmen for the last 3 years after The Choke. The second is this video, in particular at the 1:10 mark:



The guy is just so inconsistent, sure he scores the odd century, but he also does stupid non-captain-esque shit like leaving straight balls on off stump...

The Kat safely sees off this menacing straight ball on off stump...

The biggest problem with the current Aussie team is batting. It has been since before the Ashes debacle, it came to the fore during the Ashes debacle, and it continues to be a glaring issue. There's so much fucking wafting going on, from Phil Hughes mostly, but also guys who should know better. I guess this is why I just can't let go of the Kat. While batting has been a weakness all this time, a bunch of fuckwits who are now ex-selectors decided to sack our most reliable and well-performed batsmen. Who, in the period since his Test recall, was the second highest scoring batsmen in the whole motherfucking world. Not to mention the fact that they broke up the strong opening partnership the Kat shared with Watson. For Phil fucking Hughes?!? And now because of a mad moment of choking (and seriously, who reading this hasn't choked someone in a moment of perfectly understandable rage?), and the fact the chokee is now our Captain, he'll never be back. Did I mention that he had also captained his state and could roll the arm over too?!?

The under-utilised left-arm chinamen talents of the Kat.

The whole situation is just so fucking unjust, that if it wasn't for potential superstars like Pattinson, Cummins and Warner I just wouldn't watch anymore. First it was Stuart Clark, who despite being the best bowler in the country, was continuously boned by the selectors and Ponting. Now it's the Kat. I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore, except to say fuck all involved and sundry, and fuck them all to hell.

BRING BACK THE KAT!!!!!

No More Pies

It's been a huge year for me, marked by two monumental events: the birth of my future grand-slam winning son, and the injury to Mitchell Johnson. It was an amazingly satisfying feeling watching the First Test against the hopeless Sheep Shaggers without having to endure pie after pie being thrown down at one end. In the past, I would tape a whole day's play on the IQ box just so I could flick through Johnson's 20 or so overs of garbage. The only downer about the absence of Yonson was that we were deprived of an extra day's cricket without him there to make game of it. I can live with that...

Anyway, that's the end of him. I'm calling it. With the discovery by selectors that when you give youngsters a go it creates competition for places (who'd have fucking thought?!?), there's no fucking way that clown is making it back in the side. I feel sorry for his WA teammates though...can you imagine just how fucking terrible he'll be after months on the sideline? He can't even bowl straight when he's allegedly fit and 'in form'.

So farewell Mitch. Thanks for the memories. The Ashes no-shows. Having to listen to Tony Greig, of all people, waffle on about your karate-ing missus. Your inability to bowl decently anywhere but the WACA. The way you just released the pressure valve at one end when you came on. But maybe mummy still loves you. Or maybe she thinks you're as mentally piss-weak as the rest of us do. Anyway, adios to you, King Of All Pie-Chuckers...

No more pies for me angled at second slip thanks pal...