Did That Really Happen?/Bring Back The Kat!

I don't think there's anyone out there that thought the Ram Rooters could conceivably win the Hobart Test after being rolled for 150 in their first innings. In hindsight, the pitch was green and menacing, and the weather overcast, so perhaps it wasn't the worst score considering. During the Aussie first innings, despite telling everybody that I've moved on, I once again found myself missing the Kat. Seriously, fuck Phil Hughes right off. In fact, I'll throw down the gauntlet here and challenge Hughes to an over of my right arm slow bowling. "Right arm slow" I here you ask? That's right. Because I have a plan. He won't last the over. Not even on Gabba Grass. A couple of balls delivered on a length, a foot outside off and I'll let my nine (9) slips take care of the rest. Because the guy can't fucking help himself. He is not equipped to be a Test opener.

A real Test opener. Notice the poise, control, and the ball not headed in the direction of the slip cordon...

Now for Khawaja. I think the guy has great potential. I recall a time when I also had great potential, but alas it went unfulfilled. So it's time for Usman to either get the fuck on with scoring big or spend the rest of his days on the blogosphere like the rest of us who once showed potential. Also, he needs to work on his short leg-manship because at the moment he is a poor man's Simon Katich in that position.

The Kat on his toes and ready to pounce...

Time's up for Ponting. He was a well-documented fucking god-awful captain but his batting was world class back in the day. I used to curse his name when I caught sight of him striding out but secretly felt kind of safe about him coming in at 3. Now he's set about disgracing himself and I just can't have it, not just because it's completely fucking selfish to hang on when you're clearly past it, but when there's batsmen galore in form on the domestic scene, well go fuck yourself Punter. I hate it when has-beens feel the need to "go out on their own terms". It would be better if they went out on my terms. With a sharp, swift one to the testicles and complimentary abusive blog rant.

There are only two points I want to make about our Captain. One is that it is his fault that we have to keep playing Test matches without our best performed batsmen for the last 3 years after The Choke. The second is this video, in particular at the 1:10 mark:



The guy is just so inconsistent, sure he scores the odd century, but he also does stupid non-captain-esque shit like leaving straight balls on off stump...

The Kat safely sees off this menacing straight ball on off stump...

The biggest problem with the current Aussie team is batting. It has been since before the Ashes debacle, it came to the fore during the Ashes debacle, and it continues to be a glaring issue. There's so much fucking wafting going on, from Phil Hughes mostly, but also guys who should know better. I guess this is why I just can't let go of the Kat. While batting has been a weakness all this time, a bunch of fuckwits who are now ex-selectors decided to sack our most reliable and well-performed batsmen. Who, in the period since his Test recall, was the second highest scoring batsmen in the whole motherfucking world. Not to mention the fact that they broke up the strong opening partnership the Kat shared with Watson. For Phil fucking Hughes?!? And now because of a mad moment of choking (and seriously, who reading this hasn't choked someone in a moment of perfectly understandable rage?), and the fact the chokee is now our Captain, he'll never be back. Did I mention that he had also captained his state and could roll the arm over too?!?

The under-utilised left-arm chinamen talents of the Kat.

The whole situation is just so fucking unjust, that if it wasn't for potential superstars like Pattinson, Cummins and Warner I just wouldn't watch anymore. First it was Stuart Clark, who despite being the best bowler in the country, was continuously boned by the selectors and Ponting. Now it's the Kat. I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore, except to say fuck all involved and sundry, and fuck them all to hell.

BRING BACK THE KAT!!!!!