Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Rollercoaster Ride Of The Sports Fan

As a lover of all things sport, you experience a wide range of emotions. Like the untold anger you feel when you hear the latest report that Phil Hughes is to be dropped for the Third Test, on the back of just two sub-par Tests (just three innings).

There's bemusement when you hear of Karmichael Hunt going to play AFL, a game worlds apart from Rugby League. You see that the Gold Coast can afford to dick around trying to get bums on seats for their debut season when they have something like 25 of the top 20 picks in the AFL draft. The only problem is, if he doesn't cut it in the QAFL (a highly likely scenario), can you afford to play him in the AFL?! Yes, there's bemusement to be had.

But mostly, it's the rage you feel when Phil Hughes, a guy who made a century in each innings against South Africa (see Dale Steyn, world's #1 ranked bowler), is dumped for Shane Watson. A guy who has done absolutely nothing, in any form of the game, for his country. He has played eight of the most mediocre Tests you could imagine. But to the deadshit selectors and Captain Fucktard, this compares favourably to Hughes brilliant performance on the tour of South Africa and just three (3) average knocks in the Ashes.

There's the calmness that comes from knowing your NRL team, who have sucked incredibly all year, have signed a coach who will next year clean out every old, fat, useless, stupid, overpaid, drunken idiot from the place. Serenity now.

Then there's the feeling that you just want to smash something when Phil Hughes gets dropped for Shane fucking Watson, and you wonder does this also mean there will be no Stuart Clark because now we have an extra "bowler". Or "all-rounder" should I say.

I'm excited to see Michael Schumacher returning to Formula 1! I hated the guy for so long being a massive Hakkinen fan, but it will be fun to see how he goes at the ripe old age of 40. Hopefully he tears it up and saves my huge plunge on Jensen Button from earlier in the year by taking points off the Red Bulls...

But in the back of my mind, there's the outrage, and I just keep coming back to the bunch of fucking spastics that we call our selectors and that fucktard of a captain of ours, who hates our best bowler Stuart Clark, makes fucked decisions, sets fucked fields, and thinks denting the confidence of Phil Hughes by inexplicably dropping him here, for a fucker who's done nothing and picks up injuries simply by walking out his front door, is the best way to get back into this series.

Then there's hope...yes.....Watson pops out his shoulder, breaks an ankle and tears a stomach muscle while warming up in the nets, before being hit in the head and heavily concussed by a wayward Mitchell Johnson delivery.....Reinstated Hughes blasts a double ton, raises his bat, then drops his strides in the direction of the Australian dressing room and parts his cheeks....

Finally, the enigmatic Major Turdler is officially done supporting the Australian cricket team. He confided in me today saying "I've snapped" and "Am done. Done." after this shocking decision. He went on to say that he hopes that Stuart Clark will defect to Bangladesh and lead them to a Test series victory over a Ponting led Australia. In his self-imposed exile, he will be supporting Bangladesh should they acquire the services of Sarfraz, if not, he will now support Ireland, as well as any team playing against Australian under Ponting's captaincy.


Shirtman said...

A superlative rant Cap'n and I couldn't agree more with most of it, particularly the excitement I feel that Brian "The Enema" Smith has been tasked with the cleanout of our beloved chookies. Short term pain for long term gain. As long as Canavan and co stay the fuck out of his way and let him do his job of course.

But...while I agree wholeheartedly with the fucktardedness of Shane Watson, I can't help but think after reading the comments of the saffas today (their head slapping moment realising that they had failed to pick his weakness after letting him score a million runs) that the Hughes dumping may...not...have...been...entirely ...unjustified. There, I said it. For all his pint sized youthful enthusiasm, he can't play a short ball. And let's face it, given his Warwick Davis like proportions, he's every chance of gloving a Trevor Chappell special. If, and this is a big if, he can adjust his technique to play the short ball like a mini Punter (one thing RP, for all his faults, can do) then he should be opening the batting for Australia long after Karmichael Hunt has won his 5th brownlow.

More depressing is that poor old Sarfraz has to watch from the stands while Mitchy does his thang. There is a silver lining to every cloud though, with Mitch bowling and Punter standing at second slip - there is every chance that our esteemed leader will cop a ball to the head at least twice an over.

Captain Carnage said...

Shirtman, my point with Hughes is that, besides the fact his axing was premature, he was replaced by a guy who's done about as much as Cameron White. Nothing. Until, in a Test that seems destined for a draw due to weather conditions, ie no real pressure. If he were being replaced by someone that looked equally as promising, someone who doesn't break so much, someone who hasn't been born with a silver spoon and told for the last 10 years that he will be the greatest all-rounder ever, then I would not be as unhappy. Besides, there is nothing more unconvincing than Watson trying to be tough and stand over the batsmen after he's watched a ball beautifully driven through the covers. It's laughable. I don't know anyone in my circle of friends, family and workplace buddies that thinks he's worthwhile...

But yeah, this Brian Smith spring clean is going to be great!