Saturday, December 13, 2008

WHAB's Top 10 Douchebags For 2008

Another year in sport is almost done and dusted so it's time to reflect on those sportspeople who amazed us with their stupidity, entertained us with their antics, or just downright pissed us off.

Sonny Bill Williams: It's no surprise that we've barely heard any SBW news since he fled Australia, and, I'd venture to say that most people here have forgotten all about the tattooed one who's time in Oz was spent eternally wrapped up in cotton wool. The only thing that Williams excelled at (in the five matches he eked out of each season), the shoulder charge, is illegal in Union. From the vague and infrequent reports from Toulon, the word is that they wasted their money. The man had enormous potential but never reached it because of people like Phil Gould climaxing every time SBW dropped the shoulder. There's much more to the game than dropping the shoulder Gus...segue to next douche on the list.

Phil Gould: It's impossible to have a Top 10 Douchebag list without this clown of a man in it. He's not in here for any single reason; it's more a collection of his yearly dose of obnoxious comments, finger pointing, media whoring, overuse of the phrase "Yeah baby", and his penchant for pumping up the lamest match of the round as a blockbuster. I wonder if there'll ever be 10 more douchier douches that can manage to knock this baffoon off this list.

Greg Bird: We all know you did it. You got hammered and smashed up your pretty girlfriend's face with a glass didn't you? Can't remember eh? You massive, monstrous douche. Enough said.

Todd Carney: So talented, yet just so stupid. One drunken night out after another, incident after incident. You just want to go out with the boys, I get that, but when you start pissing on people, that's going too far son!

Ricky Ponting: Becomes easier to dislike with each passing match and exclusive interview. I'm not going to go on about him too much; our opinion of Ponting is well known here. After all, we named this site in his honour, so all that's left to say is Ricky are a douche!

Andrew Symonds: I was once one of those fans who hoped that Symmo would come good and cement his place in the Aussie cricket team. Now, I couldn't care less. The Symonds soap opera rolls on...and on...and on and I just don't have the time or patience anymore. You either want to play cricket for Australia (the dream of the majority of untalented Aussie blokes) or you don't. It's that simple.

Harbhajan Singh: Was better behaved when Australia toured India (Zaheer is upping the ante on him in the douche stakes), but for his antics on the Australian summer tour and for his bitch-slapping of Sreesanth, I couldn't leave him off this list.

Zaheer Khan: Hates all Australian cricketers (possibly all Australians) because he got sledged when he sucked in the 2003 World Cup final. There are not many members of that team still going around, but he hates us just the same, and carries on like a complete tool when he picks up an Aussie scalp. Needs a good kick in the nuts.

Alan Didak: Honestly, how many times can you be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Plaxico Burress: Being a man who can only wish that he played in the NFL, with athletic prowess, earning millions, being lauded by fans and winning Superbowl rings, nothing agitates me more than a wayward star...except a really stupid wayward star. Everyone got problems man. The answer is not in taking a loaded gun to a packed niteclub in New York City and shooting yourself in the leg. In fact, you should never shoot yourself in the leg, ever. Your teammates, the fans, and the punters who took the Giants at $17 to go back-to-back deserve better. You are a douchey man.

Let me know if I missed anyone!


Shirtman said...

Ah, the year passes so quickly. Couple of other noms for consideration boys;

- Glen Boss. Admittedly hasn't done anything too douchy this year, except recently relocating to Melbourne because he thought the Sydney trainers weren't giving him the respect and rides he deserved as a top class jockey. Word to the wise GB - it's because your shit.

- Nick D'Arcy. Time heals all wounds, except those inflicted upon Simon Cowley's face.

- Christophe Soumillion. Allegedly the greatest jockey in Europe, who deliberately blocked Viva Pataca for a run in the HK Cup on the weekend, costing him a certain victory (and me some money) and Darren Beadman his place in history. Backed it up with a flying headbutt to George Moore, son of Aussie-expat trainer John Moore, in the wee hours of last night at a HK nightspot. As if his name wasn't enough to score him a douche of the year nomination.

John Connelly - how has this Elder Douche Statesmen flown under the radar and avoided the scorn and derision he so richly deserves from sports savvy commentators such as yourselves. Not only did he spend 2 years or so kicking the Wallaby carcas handed to him by Eddie Jones while cashing a sizeable paycheck for allegedly "coaching" the side, but he has somehow transformed back into a respected observer of the game, able to refer to the success of the wallabies as "our success" and talk about how well "we've been going". He even has the temerity to blame the poor performance under his stewardship on a lack of depth in the team, when he was the man who could have addressed it, by, gee I dunno, doing what Robbie's done and giving some young blokes a decent run. What a douche.

Captain Carnage said...

Hey Shirtman,

Glen Boss...maybe his lack of respect and rides led to him being less noticed this year. Still a douche, no question.

Nick D'Arcy, in all honesty, he's a nobody. He's known only for punching some older swimmer in the face and hasn't won any medals of significance or done anything really. A douche, but lacking the high sporting profile to make the cut.

Had I known of said Frenchy fag-nasty jockey before the weekend he would have been a chance for sure. And costing the punters some coin, that's just unacceptable.

To be honest, I'd almost forgotten about the nightmare that was the reign of "Knuckles" since Deans has taken over. I just can't wait till he leads us to victory over the All Blacks at the next World Cup in NZ. Knuckles will never be a respected observer in the eyes of WHAB. A dreadful "coach" and complete douche.

It was remisce of me to forget Barry Hall...our friend at remembered though!

Have a good Chrissy and New Year's champ!