Thursday, December 11, 2008

Daly Rages at Royal Sydney

John Daly has defended his actions in the wake of his latest rampage at today's Australian Open first round. The two-time-very-long-ago major winner smashed a fan's camera into a tree, kicked an elderly man's walking frame out from under him and threw a small girl into a water hazard. He left the course without confronting the press, and reportedly left the cab escorting him to his hotel without paying the fare before smashing up his hotel room with a 5 wood. WHAB caught up with the big fella later this evening after he'd calmed downed/drank four bottles of whisky. "The guy with the camera, he was right in my face, just-a snap-snap-snappin' away man. I'm outraged. Who does that? So I smashed his camera into a tree. And then the old guy says somethin' like "why'd you do that for?". So I told him the old bastard why. Then this fat little girl tries to tell me that I'm her dad! That I met her mother at the Casino last time I was in Oz. That was it, I just god-damn lost it after that. I thought enough was enough but then the cabbie missed the entrance to the drive-thru and I couldn't get some booze to clear my head, so there was no way I was paying that asshole. And the hotel room, well, it just started closin' in on me. Lucky I had my trusty 5 wood handy. What a fucked day man!" Daly, who shot a six over par 78, confirmed he'd be back bigger and badder for his second round. "I'm fine now that I'm away from all the bad people. Hopefully the tournament organisers can weed out these trouble-makers and I can get back to doing what I once did best. Who knows what tomorrow might bring?".

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