Monday, February 4, 2013

Assclown Of The Month - January

After much deliberation, our panel of experts were unable to split the two standout candidates for January's Assclown Of The Month award. That's right, it's a TIE!!!

Co-Assclown Of The Month #1: JOHN INVERARITY

Firstly, this guy just looks so fucking old:


The last time I saw someone that looked this old, they drove past a "no exit" sign, proceeded to drive in the wrong direction around a roundabout, then tried to reverse into oncoming traffic and got stuck facing the wrong way at the traffic lights at said roundabout.

Secondly, this guy is just a fucking extension of Andrew "Assclown Himself" Hilditch, I have seen no overall improvements in the scheme of Australian cricket under this old bastard. He's largely ignored the Argus, will no doubt ignore the Warnie, can't be told anything by anyone, has ramped up "rotation" to the point of insanity, which has left us with many injured bowlers (because instead of actually bowling everyday they spend their time fucking around with upper body weights and downtime (onya Pat Howard)), has given Michael Clarke (a petty and selfish man) a spot on the selectors panel, has left us with the possible horror story of a Maxwell/Smith middle order in India (fuck me dead) not to mention a possible Maxwell/Smith bowling attack (kill me now), not to mention that Steve Fucking Smith might actually get somewhere near that flight to Heathrow, and lastly, he's just so fucking old and has no fucking idea what he's doing. No more worthy candidate. Or is there?!?!?

Co-Assclown Of The Month #2: RAY LEWIS

Watching this assclown's blubbering pro-God bullshit after playoff wins against Denver (who grabbed defeat from the jaws of victory), and New England ($1.20 favourites in a playoff game, LAY THAT SHIT ALL DAY!!!), before enduring him collecting another Superbowl ring, well I still remember that the guy is an absolute c-word of a human being. Let me refresh your memory: Murder investigation. Missing white suit. Victims' blood in his limo. Dobs in friends. Obstructs justice. Pays off victims' families. 6 kids from 4 different woman. 4 different women that he's beaten up. Sorry Ray, your team was the better team in the Superbowl, it had nothing to do with God because it's safe to say that he thinks you're a c*#t too...

   "Man Don't Decide That. God Decide That."

Pretty sure God has bigger issues to deal with than making sure an assclown like you wins another Superbowl...

2 comments:

Professor Chaos said...

Having digested part two of the Warne review, I would make the point that say what you will about Inverarity's dodgy policies, but at least they are an ethos.
Warne seems to have gone for the "here are a bunch of top blokes."

Captain Carnage said...

Turn it up Professor! Warnie's Coulter Nile fetish aside, his forgetfulness of Pat Cummins aside too, fuck Inverarity's alleged "ethos"! The guy is a disgrace and old as old wrinkly balls!