Thursday, September 29, 2011

NRL GRAND FINAL 2011

I would just like to begin this preview by sending out a great big fuck you to Des Hasler. No reason given. Just fuck you Des.

Fuck you pal.

Well the footballing gods have had their revenge on us all by delivering us an absolute bumfuck of a NRL Grand Final match-up. Millions of bbqs scheduled for Sunday afternoon have been cancelled by apathetic fans, disgruntled at having to pick between a team of douchebags and a team of Kiwis. I'm even slightly more interested in the AFL GF this year despite being a leaguey at heart. And that's Collingwood vs Geelong. That's saying something. I could have been way more excited about the Warriors tilt had I not taken the money and run on that one...ah well, hindsight is fucking great sometimes.

I've decided to go for the Warriors. They made me a bit of cash and other than most of their team being Kiwi's, I don't really take exception to any of their players. Manly, on the other hand, have the Stewarts. Brett is a rapist. Glenn and his legal team spin doctored their way into less weeks than Adam Blair got, conveniently leaving him free to play in the GF. George Rose, despite giving Gus Gould an orgasm every time he steps onto the field, is nothing more than a fucking pie cart. Brent Kite...don't even get me started on that fucking pussy. Steve Matai is the modern day Ray Price. "Your man Matai's got another burner on his shoulder Rabbits!". 10 mins later: "Matai's over! He's off his deathbed and he's scored the match winner!". Turn it up Matai. You're not really injured. You're just clapping it on to emerge out the other side in glory. Plus, you're a dirty cheap shot merchant. On top of all this, Brett Stewart raped a hapless teenager. I may have mentioned that already. Seriously, fuck you Des Hasler:

"Todd Carney blew 0.05, that's as bad as raping a girl..."

So c'mon Warriors! That felt really wrong right there, but the hatred of Manly is overwhelming, and money talks. The Warriors are excellent value at around $2.70. Take that and Shaun Johnson for first tryscorer at around $16 and you might turn Sunday into a better night than you thought possible. And as you celebrate after backing Kevin Locke to collect the Clive Churchill medal, also at $16, you'll have the added bonus of watching Manly cry. Talk about making the best of a bad situation!

2 comments:

SportingMind said...

Hanging out for a WHAB review of the match. Fucking Brett Stewart has no sense of occasion. Am I expected to feel sorry for a failed rapist? No. But I'll bag Gallop onstage and look like a cunt doing it. Yeah, real good look for the game.

Thank fuck the season is over now and NRL players can fuck off to Bali (or possibly Thailand) for their post-season sex tours, where sexual deviancy/rape is legitimised via the transaction of currency.

Captain Carnage said...

Yeah I would have loved to review the match if I had of had any reason to give a fuck about it. Yeah fuck Stewart. Fuck Hasler. Fuck Manly.

What goes on tour stays on tour...