AFL GRAND FINAL!

It's fantastic that the two best teams in the AFL have successfully negotiated their way through to the Grand Final. The Western Bulldogs and St. Kilda couldn't have played any better than they did last week and, in all honesty, if one of those sides had of made it through, I would have been far less interested in the game. This has the prospect of being a classic. So here's what the punters at WHAB are predicting, consuming and pondering for the last Saturday in September.

Who will win?

Captain: I tip Geelong but not with overwhelming confidence. GF experience could be a factor.

Professor: I grew up watching my mighty navy Blues teams take these two sides apart in finals. However, I retain a massive hatred of the Hawks for the audacity they showed in winning one of the GFs that was rightly ours. I hated their clownish 80s teams of Brereton and Dunstall and Tuck. As such, go Cats.

Norm Smith Medallist?

Captain: I would be all over Paul Chapman at $15 but he is not 100% so looking for some more value. Cam Mooney is paying a juicy $34 and Cameron Ling is at $17.

Professor: A Geelong player. Don't come here for actual analysis. This is not my game.

Choice of beverage?

Captain: With an NRL Preliminary Final and another night of EPL action to follow, starting this early calls for the sugar and caffeine boost of Johnny Walker & Cola pre-mix.

Professor: Battling a stomach virus for the last week so if there is no change there some peppermint tea. If there is, I will be at the pub and it will be my favourite James Squire Golden Ale. Even the thought of that at the moment is making me pretty sick.

Snacks?

Captain: Red Rock Dijon Mustard and Honey chips.

Professor: Right now, thinking Salada. Again, without the explosive vomiting, I would be thinking of a nice $5 pub steak and chips with Pepper sauce.

What will you do instead if the game becomes lopsided?

Captain: Will try for some daytime sex, after being turned down will flick over to Sky Channel for some Spring Carnival action.

Professor: Will already be 50/50 split between the horses and the footy.

Who will you be cursing the most?

Captain: The umpires. Most times I watch AFL, my enjoyment is ruined by faggy umpiring decisions. Let the game flow you homos.

Professor: Glen Boss.

THE WEEKEND'S FINALS FOOTY

NRL

WARRIORS vs ROOSTERS

After their miraculous victory over the Storm, Kiwi fans have once again jumped on the Warriors bandwagon, just as they did during their grand final run of 2002. During the regular season, you could pick up a ticket at the gate at Mt. Smart Stadium and pick whatever seat you liked. Tickets for this game were snapped up 11 minutes after they went on sale. In fact, the Warriors have become almost as popular across the ditch as their favourite pastime:

It just never gets old does it?!

The fair-weather Warriors fans have good reason to be confident after their performance last week. The fact is, if they are anywhere close to the Roosters at half-time, they should win. The Roosters showed last week against the Broncos that they are a fearsome team...for 40 minutes. Their lack of second half points, not just last week, but throughout the season has been perplexing. With that in mind, maybe the Roosters/Warriors halftime/fulltime double is good value at $6.50. Similar to my prediction last week, the heart is saying Roosters, but the head is saying Warriors.

BRONCOS vs STORM

There's been more shenanigans at the Broncos this week than a Shane Warne hotel suite. Plenty to distract them from this clash against a Storm outfit with a point to prove after last week's debacle. My take on the Storm is that sometimes they are a victim of their own gameplan and structure. They stick to it religiously and nine times out of ten, they win. In those rare matches that they lose, you're left thinking that they could have and should have won. The Storm's strict adherence to their gameplan in the close matches seems unusual considering the game-breakers they have in their side. I would have loved to see them chance their arm a bit more in the last 20 minutes...then perhaps they wouldn't now have to play two road games to make the grand final, but I guess you can't blame them for sticking with what works most of the time. The Broncos like to be written off and facing adversity. But this time they might have bitten off more than they can chew with their poorly timed benders and drunken debauchery prior to a match with a wounded Storm. Predicting exactly what is going to happen in this one is difficult...so I'll simply predict a Storm victory.

AFL

CATS vs BULLDOGS

In what shapes as one of the most lopsided first vs third preliminary finals in history, the Cats look to put the cleaners through the Dogs. Considering they didn't come close to the second best team in the first week of the finals, I'm prepared to completely write off the Dogs. I'm predicting a good old-fashioned hammering in this one:

HAWKS vs SAINTS

This one might be a little closer but I think that the Hawks are comfortably the second best team in the competition. I'd be surprised if a team as mediocre as St. Kilda could make the grand final. They knocked off a pretty average Collingwood side last week and will need to play a lot better to win this. A comfortable Hawks victory for mine. I like the Geelong (40+)/Hawthorn (25+) double at a tidy $3.89.

Enjoy your weekend of footy cuz. Should be choice bro!