Why Free To Air TV And Sport Don't Mix

Example #1:

After being run into the ground by this guy;

Former One HD head of programming, let's call him Clive.

One HD have totally given up on sport. Rather than ask why their ratings sucked balls, they have decided to go in a different direction. Whilst mildly interesting, I'm pretty sure Ice Road Trucking is not a sport. If they had of perhaps listened to viewers, or rather had the intelligence to provide some sort of forum for disgruntled viewers to easily share their grievances, if they had of held that anonymous someone responsible for their insulting programming accountable rather than making Clive the scapegoat, if they just had of shown any aptitude for covering sport, surely things could have been different. Sport is hard to fuck up. You just have to give the people what they want. Yes, live sport is good, but you know what, I can't watch a midday Lakers game on a Wednesday because I, like most people, go to work. And I'll be fucked if I'm going to get up at 3am the next morning to watch the replay. I'm not going to spell it out for you how it should play out, hell, I've done that enough times, but all I'll say is that I probably wouldn't be showing Recruits at prime time. Again, it's arguable as to whether Recruiting/Being Recruited could be classified as a sport...

Anyway, the final chapter of my One HD bashing concludes by simply saying that sport is hard to fuck up if you do it right. Just ask Foxsports. And yeah;

Right back at ya "Clive"...

Example #2:

Delaying the blockbuster Broncos vs Bulldogs clash by an hour for the Royal Wedding! When it's on the ABC, Channel 7 and Channel 10 as well! I don't think I'm alone in saying that I'm fucking outraged! Enough said!!!!!!!!

Save Todd Carney!

If for no other reason than dishing out some payback for some disgraceful refereeing performances, the NRL needs Todd Carney!

That's for the GF and Tri-Nations final you douchebag!

Ponting: The Final Frontier

After delivering us the bumfuck that was an Ashes humiliation on home soil, Punter ended his era as captain with an inauspicious quarter final exit at the World Cup. And then, once he finally let go of the reins, all I heard was "most successful captain ever", from complete douchebags who know fuck-all about cricket. This was mostly from free to air channels obviously. Just because he was captain for long enough to amass most victories in this and that, there's a thing called strike-rate...another thing called common sense...I don't have the time or resources to pull stats out of my ass these days, but I feel comfortable that my opinion of Ponting as the most retarded "highly regarded" captain of all time is well held. And if you really want stats, well here's a fucking stat: Ashes series lost: 3. That's all the stats I need. And this will be the legacy of the man. Anyone who knows anything about cricket isn't fooled by the number of W's on his CV. His fucked up decision to bowl first in the 2nd Ashes Test in 2005 is the reason we started this blog, and now that he has moved on as captain, well I still get pissed off weekly with similarly retarded things that happen in sport, so WHAB will continue on it's merry way. Hell, I'm still pissed off about that decision. I will never forget those fateful words "We'll have a bowl", considering it meant unleashing Brett Lee and Kasper upon England on the mother of all perfect batting pitches...

Adios douchebag.

One gets the feeling that it won't be long before his successor is the primary focus of our rants; he's certainly been in our sights before. And he's learnt everything he knows about captaincy off Punter. So it'll be business as usual here at WHAB...

Our new captain.....fuck me sideways.

Oh Fuck It....Again!

The original "Oh Fuck It". $899 fully framed...

That last over of the 1999 WC semi final is etched in my memory forever...

Then there was "Oh Fuck It" on home soil. Miscalculating the runs required under Duckworth Lewis. A brick wall defensive block from Mark Boucher, only to realise that they actually needed one more run...

Then there was "Oh Fuck It" Caribbean Style. Skittled for 149 by the Aussies in the semi final...not quite enough...

Then there was 2011. NZ are looking pretty ordinary in the early stages of the tournament. They look completely outclassed when they come up with a paltry 221 in the quarter final. To cut a long story short, Jacob Oram destroys the Jaaapies, despite the fact that he is batsmen first, bowler second. That's right. Jacob Oram.

For the Aussies, well, who didn't see the ultimate demise of our 3-pronged pace attack. After all, it was the sub-continent...the final 10 overs against India saw to it. Shaun Tait in India, what a debacle...but seriously, it's all your fault Krejza...we totallly gave you the chance to win it all for us, but you fucked it...

WTF?!?!?

With Wayne Bennett looking set to return to the Broncos next year, the Dragons began auditions for their 2012 coach last night, handing back the reins to Nathan Brown. In a blast from the past, "Browny" had the Dragons players smearing their hands with vaseline pre-game, dropping the ball repeatedly, throwing forward passes, trying to score off the first tackle, chip kicking, chip kicking some more, giving away cheap penalties, letting a Sharks player gain another 20m after an attempted strip gone wrong, putting through more chip kicks, and he also reportedly bitch-slapped Jamie Soward after the game for good measure. Great news for the other 15 teams, we've missed ya Browny!

The Roosters returned to their 2009 form by making so many mistakes in the first half that Manly started to actually believe they could win the game. Everything they learned from last year's run to the GF, out the window. Other under-whelming teams included the Parra-that-no-longer-matta, the Raiders with their big, mean forwards who turned into powderpuffs in the face of the Broncos pack, and, well the Titans have completely forgotten how to play the game in the off-season. Then there's Souths...

They should be good. But they're not. The halves are mostly to blame, followed closely by Russell Crowe. Sutton is suffering from a bad case of "Anasta Syndrome". He is a lock that has been stuck in a number 6 jersey for way too long. Sandow is just not good enough to steer this side anywhere near a Premiership. His decision-making is poor, he's way too pre-occupied with shoulder-charges when he should be focused on leading his team around the paddock, and if Souths are serious about a Premiership tilt, they need a solution in the halves. Rusty Crowe thought that over-paying a centre who gives you 4 or 5 quality home and away games a year would solve all their problems.

Oi! Inglis! I'll give yer a part in me next 'ollywood block-buster!

Inglis' performance on Sunday was one of the worst I've seen by an NRL player. Looking completely disinterested, he was made to look like an absolute clown by Jamal Idris (NSW selectors, please take note). By the way, Beau Champion is killing it down in Melbourne...

Our Cricket World Cup unbeaten streak is over! A pretty unbelievable 34 game streak it was too. Now, with India in the quarter-finals, we might be about to start a different kind of streak. This trio of pace bowlers on the sub-continent thing that the selectors have gone with could be about to fail spectacularly if they don't get it right to the likes of Sehwag, Tendulkar, Yuvraj, Kohli etc. But I guess they've set the whole thing up nicely if it does fail, with Krejza the obvious scapegoat for not single-handedly bowling us to a World Cup win. Fucking typical. It's real fingers crossed stuff...

Lastly and leastly, the award for most useless performance of the week goes to the NSW Waratahs. They were spanked 23-3 at home by a team who don't show any interest whatsoever in trying to score tries, who had never won a game outside South Africa, and who barely win games period. To make your fans sit through that monstrosity, seriously, get fucked! QLD will show you guys how to deal with the Cheetahs this week. That is unmercilessly...

The Cheetahs of all things...WTF is going on?!?!?

WHAB is back!!!

After an enforced hiatus, WHAB is back people! And I can't think of a better time to come back...Week 1 NRL, Cricket World Cup, Super 15, and the Miracle at Suncorp Stadium. Firstly I need to talk about the Miracle at Suncorp Stadium. This had to happen. I'm sorry Central Coast, you guys played great, but it was meant to be for Brisbane...it would have been an absolute travesty for the boys to get rolled after the season they've had. With 10 minutes of extra time left, I prayed for miracle. I got one. If you haven't watched the game yet, you need to. This city got fucked on by floods not that long ago, and for everyone living in Brisbane town, this was our reward...

NRL notes: Dragons still the team to beat. Roosters a chance, great to see them wrestle back victory from the jaws of defeat at the hands of Rusty Crowe. Rule changes good...referees still bad...Sharks still absolutely awful...

S15: The draw between the Western Force and Auckland Blues prevented a perfect round of tipping for me...

Racing: If you ever see Shocking at $8.50+ for a Group 1 at Flemington over 2000m+ and don't hit that, then you sir, are an idiot...

Cricket World Cup: All I want to say is that splitting points for a rained out match is totally not good enough. Play the match the next day. That's not too difficult. I'm sure the TV networks can figure out the logistics. 1 point each, what a fucking joke...so our game against Canada is rained out...we'll split the points, it's only fair. How about fuck right off?...

Good to be back, plenty to talk about over the coming weeks, no doubt...

SUPERBOWL XLV PREVIEW

Green Bay have turned it on the last few weeks, first needing to win to clinch a playoff spot (the lowly no. 6 seed), then taking a road trip to the Superbowl via Atlanta and Chicago. The thing that has impressed the most about the Pack this season though, is that they've done it all with an injury toll that would see a top 4 NRL side finish near enough to last.

Pittsburgh looked the business from the get-go this season. Missing Roethlisberger for the first 4 games, they still found a way to win 3 out of those 4, the loss to Baltimore no disgrace at all. It was then that I decided that the $12 on the 'Burgh was just too good to resist. They had all the ingredients back then, and they still have them now.

Green Bay are certainly a chance in this but the one thing the Steelers have shown this season is that you just cannot run on them. The Packers uncovered James Starks in the latter stages of the season as their running backs fell one by one, but I predict that he's going nowhere against this rushing defense. And that leaves it all in the hand of Aaron Rodgers; I'm not saying he can't do it pretty much all by himself, but it makes life a lot tougher for him with no run.

At half time, I'll be smashing this to the sounds of the Black Eyed Peas:

Yep, this is just about worth giving up a Monday at work...

I might be biased here, but I think Green Bay are false favourites. The Steelers are proven playoff/Superbowl warriors and they've had that sniff about them since before I backed them after week 4. The Packers smashed an underwhelming Atlanta, but then, after a couple of early strikes against a better defense in the Bears, came up with not much for the rest of the game. If Cutler wasn't injured, and Chicago weren't down to their 3rd string QB, I'd say the Bears at the very least get that Conference Final into overtime. I will also argue that the Steelers have played better teams, or at least better playoff teams, the last two weeks. In their second half against Baltimore (when down 21-7 at the half), they monstered a physical Ravens side all over the park. Against a Jets side who had just rolled the Patriots, they absolutely smashed them in the first half. As the Jets mounted a spirited comeback, they had 1st and goal at the Steelers 1 yd line. They ran 4 times. With two gun running backs in Tomlinson and Greene, they still couldn't get in for the touchdown. That epitomises a Championship outfit. Not to mention they've won Superbowls recently in 2005 and 2008 with some familiar faces. Another big point for me is that the Roth is much harder to get on the ground than Matt Ryan, Jay Cutler, Todd Collins or Caleb Hanie. All that said, Rodgers could bring the Pack home on his back...he is that good...

It promises to be one of the better Superbowls, so enjoy the game folks, whether you have a Superbowl RDO or you're catching the replay, or you're working a half day and going home at half time to watch it off IQ... I like how the Packers have done it, Mike McCarthy is surely Coach of the Year with daylight 2nd and Raheem Morris 3rd (next year Bucs!)...but head, heart and Betfair account says Steelers all the way!!!

Andrew Hilditch - You Selfish Motherfucker

After the horrifying events that have occurred during Hilditch's reign as Chairman of Selectors, I leave you this equally horrifying link...

When Trevor Hohns was our Chairman of Selectors, I hated the guy. That smarmy fucking bastard always seemed to have the answer to everything. Well, I apologise T. Hohns...because, looking back, not only were you actually right most of the time, but you also knew when it was time to go...even when you were having far more success than your successor...

So, once again, I apologise. I was wrong...And I'm not the only one who will admit that.

And Andrew Hilditch...you are the poorest of a poor man's T. Hohns. How you have the audacity to cling on to your role is more disgusting than it is perplexing.

Your disrespect for all things Australian Cricket...I will see to it that it is never forgotten.

Mark my words you selfish fuck. I will see to it that your name in Australian Cricket circles is equal to shit for as long as I live...

Wow, I'm so fucking useless at my day job. Lucky for me that the average Australian knows nothing about cricket...especially considering I'm the most selfish douchebag in Australian sporting history. But man, my pay cheque is going to be sooooo phat.....pat on the back AH, you've been outstanding!

ONE HD - No Fucking Idea

For some horrifying reason, OneHD had sole coverage of Monday morning's NFL Playoffs. The staff at OneHD were giving themselves a pat on the back no doubt for airing these games live. The first game was at 5 am AEDT. I would suggest that most people are asleep at that ungodly hour on a Monday morning. The next game was 8:30 AEDT. May I boldly suggest that most people are at work/commuting to work around then. So basically, hardly anyone can watch these games live. OneHD's solution is to replay one of the four games from the weekend on Monday evening. Whatever gets the most votes on a poll on their website. So instead of doing what any decent sports channel would do, i.e replay both of Monday's playoff games, they leave you with a lucky dip, possibly involving one of Sunday's games! Fucking brilliant! Not seriously half-assed at all. They wax lyrical about everyone's right to free sport and then dish up abject sloppiness through insulting programming. Who does their programming? Someone with half a fucking clue would be a step in the right direction. It's the same bullshit with the NBA "coverage". It's more like a lack of coverage most of the time. They show a double header every Friday *live* during the middle of the day when we're all at work, but show replays at 4 am the next morning sometimes! They must be happy with the Friday viewing audience made up primarily of dole bludgers! You'd think replays of important games would take priority over Sports Tonight and documentaries you can show any old fucking time. Yep. Free to air sport is the way to go...

I guess you get what you pay for in life...

Ponting: The Final Frontier

Mission accomplished. An Ashes series loss at home. What a legacy you'll leave Punter. Thanks for all the memories champ. From losing to Bangladesh in an ODI, to over-seeing South Africa's world record ODI run-chase, to helping us become the Poms' bitches. And then leaving us in the hands of Clarke. A guy who once said that he'd learnt everything about being a captain from you... A man who showed, in a recent ODI against Sri Lanka, that he has neither the balls, nor the brains for the job. Yep, I'm calling it 3-1 England. Congrats you Pommy bastards. Now, fuck the Ashes, its KFC Big Bash time!

I'm using the KFC Big Bash brought to you by KFC as a kind of therapy. And opening night didn't disappoint, with some heavy hitting from the Tassie batsmen, the umpire getting collected by a vicious, lofted straight drive, and the return of Rana. Two years ago, the man was almost completely bald. One year ago, the man had just enough hair for a comb-over. Now he has the mullet of an '80's glam rocker:

Yeah, yeah!

They say the simple things in life give you the most pleasure. Watching this man's free-flowing mullet catching the breeze, with a Super-Charged Tower Burger in my hand, well, it sure cheered me up a bit!