Hilditch Puts His Spin On Cricket

Trying not to think about another likely series loss for the Blues this evening only leads me back to something that's been bothering me every bit as much as the disgraceful lack of contract for the Master Of The Grundle, Simon Katich. What do Nathan Hauritz, Jason Krejza and Xavier Doherty have in common? Well they've all been trotted out at Test level for Australia and, quite frankly, have sucked. So in rebuilding for the future, Master Douchebag Hilditch and his merry band of douchebag selectors reward all 3 of these guys with a contract. That's right. All 3 of these guys that you've witnessed stinking it up against the Poms have been given fucking contracts. One wonders what in the fucking hell we need these guys for if they not only can't cut it at Test level, but are competing for ODI/T20 spots against Cameron White and Steve Smith. I guess, looking forward to our next Ashes tour, that gives us 5 fairly useless options in the spin department. But seriously, it's all about the future...And building an army of spinning all rounder types for limited overs. Which is great considering we just missed the boat on that one with the sub-continent World Cup done and dusted for another 12 years or more. A future of 40-year-old-spinning-all-rounder-limited-over-specialist types, ripping it up at the 2024 World Cup eh Hilditch and sidekicks? You fucking clowns, where's the future in this squad without some young spinners who've shown some early skill in the longer version of the game? And you know what? The thing that's mostly fucked us all off is losing 3 STRAIGHT FUCKING ASHES SERIES' YOU FUCKING TWATS! If I could ask for just one thing as an Aussie cricket fan, it's Ashes glory! And you're telling me Phil Hughes, a distinct lack of grundle, and this collection of spinning mediocrity is going to get the urn back for us?!? Are you d'bags off your fucking trolley?!?

So to Hilditch, G. Chappell, Boony and Cox, on behalf of all true Aussie cricket fans, Simon Katich, Brad Hodge, and even Zaheer Khan;

FUCK AND FUCK OFF NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From One Lot Of Retards To The Next...

As if the Blues demented selections weren't enough, that douchebag head of selectors for the Australian Cricket Team is at it again. This time he's decided that super-grundler Simon Katich isn't in the top 25 cricketers in the country, with a view to the next Ashes series. Sure the Kat has never been the most exciting batsmen but I've always felt that he's someone who could consistently be relied upon at the top of the order. And given our current situation, i.e, an Ashes flogging on home soil featuring a pretty average bunch of cricketers, there is no question he is well inside our best 25. He's more like top 5 or 6. I can understand that Hilditch and his cronies want to get a younger opener in for the next Ashes BUT: Firstly, they could have done it by dropping our best batsmen Watson down the order and keeping the Kat as the experienced opener. If Watson bats at 4 or 5 I reckon he averages around 80. Secondly, even if they keep Watson as opener, what happens if it doesn't work out with Hughes? Which is highly likely, mind you. The only other option is Paine who is a keeper/ODI opener and you would think more of a perfect replacement for Haddin at 7 in a couple of years. Surely you couldn't entertain the idea of Haddin opening. The man loves to loft. And that's great when you bat at 7 in Tests or open in ODI's. Not great when you open in Test Match cricket. Katich was the perfect guy to keep in this transitional phase. He gave you options. Now there's only one immediate option, and it's a huge call to assume that Hughes will work. The guy no doubt has plenty of mental scars from his previous Ashes campaigns. The worst thing about this is that because the Kat doesn't have a contract, they won't consider him even if Hughes sucks or Watson gets injured. They will have to stubbornly try to justify their belief that he's not in Australia's best 25. And he should be pointing out that he, in fact, is easily in that group, with a Brad Hodge style barrage of abuse...

I've seen it before. Once you don't have a contract, you only get a look in for a tour of Zimbabwe. And if they picked me for a tour of that hellhole, and I'm sure I can speak for the Kat here, I would consider that a fucking insult...

Andrew Hilditch - You Selfish Motherfucker

After the horrifying events that have occurred during Hilditch's reign as Chairman of Selectors, I leave you this equally horrifying link...

When Trevor Hohns was our Chairman of Selectors, I hated the guy. That smarmy fucking bastard always seemed to have the answer to everything. Well, I apologise T. Hohns...because, looking back, not only were you actually right most of the time, but you also knew when it was time to go...even when you were having far more success than your successor...

So, once again, I apologise. I was wrong...And I'm not the only one who will admit that.

And Andrew Hilditch...you are the poorest of a poor man's T. Hohns. How you have the audacity to cling on to your role is more disgusting than it is perplexing.

Your disrespect for all things Australian Cricket...I will see to it that it is never forgotten.

Mark my words you selfish fuck. I will see to it that your name in Australian Cricket circles is equal to shit for as long as I live...

Wow, I'm so fucking useless at my day job. Lucky for me that the average Australian knows nothing about cricket...especially considering I'm the most selfish douchebag in Australian sporting history. But man, my pay cheque is going to be sooooo phat.....pat on the back AH, you've been outstanding!