NRL PRELIMINARY FINALS

Sharks vs Storm

After a miracle last-gasp loss, followed by a miracle last-gasp win, the Storm have now lost their captain Cameron Smith. A suspension was fair enough but the NRL can jam their loading system up their ass. Moving on, the Sharks have lost five eighth Brett Seymour, which could be almost on par with Melbourne's loss of Smith. Seymour has been the perfect fit for the Sharks at 6 and I think he'll be missed more than most realise. Thinking back to Major Turdler's stats, I tend to think that the week off won't help the Sharks. A lot of punters are labelling the Storm as vulnerable at the moment...others are just waiting for them to turn it on like we all know they can. We'll find out tonight. Sorry long-suffering Sharks fans, but I'm tipping the Storm.

Sea-Eagles vs Warriors

Rabs: "Welcome to Brookvale Oval, on this lovely evening, as the Sea-Eagles of Manly take on the sheep-shaggers from across the ditch, in the New Zealand Warriors". Ram-rooters or no, the Warriors are the worst possible match-up for Manly after their week off. NZ are on a roll; and try telling Price and Wiki that they can't win this game. The battle up front should be one of the highlights of the season. I hear a lot of people tipping Manly to go on to win the premiership and I hear a lot of their fans talking it up, almost cocky. The should look no further than this. Having myself a piece of the Warriors at $3.15.

A Message To The Referees And Touch Judges

Yeah, I'm talkin' to you.

I don't want to notice you. Stay the fuck out of the game unless it's absolutely necessary to involve yourself. Let it flow you homos.

Why don't you give him 10 in the bin for that too, you douchebag?

Should be two of the season's best contests. Fuck I love footy finals!