First Test Match Report

I should have known the 2nd innings collapse was coming; these days the Aussie cricket team seems to follow every promising session with one as equally unpromising. Really, this Test was lost in between the ears. We had it in the fucking bag. Even with our top order crumbling, the golden boy Phil Hughes gone cheaply yet again, the no-longer-captain-just-non-contributing Ponting gone, we still had it in the fucking bag as we had a nice lead. It only started to get shaky when the normally reliable Hussey, first ball, went chasing a widish delivery. I don't think I've ever seen the Huss lose his head like that before when facing his first ball, particularly in a dramatic situation. His off stump maybe, his composure surely not. Is this a sign? Is this Alzheimer's creeping up on him? Forgetting to grundle is surely how it begins. Anyway, with Huss gone things were starting to look uncomfortable. Enter Brad Haddin. At 5/15, he charged down the pitch and flailed at a short one. That's right. 5/15 in a Test match. Down the pitch. Flailing. What in the fucking hell would possess him to do that? You wouldn't even play a shot like that at 5/15 in a fucking T20 chasing 30 to win. Some batsmen would never play a shot like that in T20 period. I am calling it: THE WORST AND MOST UNNECESSARY AND FUCKED UP SHOT EVER!

Haddin was fined $10,000 for turning up to the Newlands TEST in his T20 kit...

So now we were in trouble. The unassailable lead we were supposed to be building was becoming more assailable by the second. Then just to piss me off completely, useless as fuck Johnson spoons one straight into the chest of gully. Typical Mitch response to pressure. Then Harris comes into bat next. Regardless of the way he strides to the pitch meaning business, as a batsmen, the Rhino makes a fucking good bowler. He should never come in ahead of Siddle who can actually bat for extended periods. All these little things matter Even just another 50 or so runs and the South Africans have to go about the chase a little more carefully. As it was, they had the momentum and wiped off plenty of the 236 by close of play with reckless abandon. Day 3 was a mere formality.

As it all unfolded, all I could think of was the Kat, or the lack thereof. When we most needed grundle, ticker and a 500 ball half century, there was none of the above. Just Hughes looking unconvincing again. Ponting fart-arsing around at 3. Hussey showing early signs of Alzheimer's. Haddin being a complete fucking idiot. Johnson being his usual deadshit self.

Waiting...waiting......NO RUN!

Even Shane Watson, no doubt shitted off with his average opening partnership nosediving from 54.39 with the Kat to a piss-poor 31.46 with Hughes, admitted that he missed the Kat. We all miss the Kat...

Where is the Kat?!?

BRING BACK THE KAT!!!

Johnson Watch

It was refreshing to see Clarke hook Johnson out of the 1st innings opening attack after a mere two overs yesterday. Ponting would have let him roll through at least 10 overs of pies during his reign, so it was great to see a captain not afraid to hook an under-performing and horribly inconsistent bowler. And it was fair enough; the Rhino had only gone for 3 runs and Johnson, once again, was easing the pressure at one end allowing 14 off his two. While Watson and the Rhino proceeded to tear the Jaapies a new one and Siddle chipped in with a run out, Johnson wasted space. Brought back on when SA were 9-for, to try and claim a meaningless, yet confidence-boosting scalp, he couldn't get it done and the Rhino didn't need a second invitation. 0/28 off 5 in a total of 96. Fan-fucking-tastic. Then, during the Aussies batting collapse, he played a fucking stupid shot exactly when it wasn't needed, picking out gully perfectly.

A match report is forthcoming; it will be all wrapped up early on day 3. There will be questions asked. People will be held accountable. There will be words of curse. It's the WHAB way.

WHAB's Match Report: Parental advisory...

Pies and Eggs

As the haze of the footy finals and the Spring Carnival clears (the Professor and I don't want to talk about Dunaden's easy, walk in the park Melbourne Cup victory where we both won a shitload of cash, not too much anyway), our attentions inevitably turn to KFC and Mitchell Johnson bowling pies. Both greasy chicken and Johnson's signature dish are in abundance during the summer of cricket, and over the next few days we get an early plateful of Johnson as the Aussies take on South Africa. WHAB will, as ever, be keeping an eagle eye on Johnson and reporting on his progress throughout the match. Another guy under scrutiny will be Phil Hughes. A repeat of his heroics back on the '09 SA tour is in order here because despite riding on the back of a century to end the tour of Sri Lanka, there are still lingering doubts for most of us. I don't think there's too many people out there just yet who think that sacking the Kat was the right move. Including the Kat! Anyway as Katich prepares for his court date with the thin-skinned faggots at Cricket Australia, the selectors prepare for a possible Hughes failure in this series and to be left with egg all over their faces...not for the first time.

MELBOURNE CUP 2011

The first Tuesday in November. Fuck yeah. After putting in for the day off the day after last year's Cup, I've got myself an array of snacks and a fridge full of beer.

One of the essential Cup day snacks on standby for the Captain...

I haven't worked on Cup day for over 10 years, and even then, I was actually working at the races! Anyway, this year's Cup is like trying to find an Aussie in an Olympic marathon...there's one or two there somewhere! That's what happens when you reward every horse that wins a shitty 4 horse Listed race in the UK. Anyhow, without further ado, here's your Cup field for the 2011 edition...

1. AMERICAIN Mosse/de Royer Dupre 58 (15)

Captain: Reigning champ and going every bit as well as last year after his pointlessly easy win in the Moonee Valley Cup. After thinking to myself that he would have won last year's Cup with 58 on his back, I backed him early in the piece at $17...that's looking like pretty good value now...ooh la fucking la...an obvious must for multiples.

Professor: Obvious top pick, though at the $4 I will be looking elsewhere. Househunting/moving etc means that I don't have any early money down this year so my picjs will all be about race day value.

2. JUKEBOX JURY Callan/Johnstone 57 (6)

Captain: Somewhat of an unknown quantity with no lead up runs in Oz. His form overseas reads well but I'm still loathe to back one of these European horses without seeing them in action. That's my only knock; I want to see him winning a Geelong Cup or a Moonee Valley Cup before investing...

Professor: No local runs, and no foreign horse has ever won with that profile. I'll pass. Beyond that, it's win (though super-impressive) in the Kergolay gave an indication that this could be one of the classic European flops - doesn't look fond of traffic.

3. DUNADEN Lemaire/Delzangles 54.5 (13)

Captain: The smartest thing I've done all Spring is backing this Frenchy at $22 two minutes before the Geelong Cup. Ooh la fucking la! He did pretty much there what Americain did last year and comes into the Cup with the same weight as the 'Cain did last year...the only question is, can he beat the 'Cain? He has before and with the 3.5kg drop on him, could well be doing it again...Lemaire jumps on board after the suspension of Williams...the guy's won Group races all over the world so no need to panic people.

Professor: Same story as Americain, I did not get on before the Geelong cup and here I am looking at the $8. I still might just take that as the form v Americain, plus the disdain that it won the Geelong up makes this the top hope for me.

4. DRUNKEN SAILOR Dunn/Cumani 54 (8)

Captain:

That's a no from me.

Professor: There's a second no for me.

5. GLASS HARMONIUM Cropp/Moroney 54 (23)

Captain: At 2000m and WFA this guy is the business. And Mackinnon winners invariably run well when backing up in the Cup. But when renowned trainer of stayers Michael Moroney questions his credentials at the two miles, that's enough for me. Gate 23 is no help to a frontrunner either. Prepared to pass.

Professor: Moroney is a shift, shifty man. If he says that it won't run the trip, there's a good chance that it will.

Nothing that the Harmonium has done to date makes me think that it won't run the trip and with Mackinnon form = good form, I am in.

6. MANIGHAR Oliver/Cumani 54 (21)

Captain: Wasn't convinced that he could see the trip right out last year. Equally as unconvinced this year. Can't have him.

Professor: Not for me.

7. UNUSUAL SUSPECT /Kent 54 (7)

Captain: The only thing I want to say about this fella is that he ran the fastest 1000m, 600m, 400m and 200m sectionals in the Caulfield Cup. Despite being blocked for a run between the 400m and 200m. That's a good pointer that he'll run out the trip, even though he's never run beyond 2400m. One to phatten up your multiples.

Professor: Advanced age and never tried at this distance a concern. In saying that, I loved how it closed in the Caulfield Cup. It's the one that I am sweating on a good price - 40+ and I will jump right in.

8. FOX HUNT De Sousa/Johnstone 53.5 (19)

Captain: Think he prefers 2400m and as such, cannot have him without seeing him have a trundle in the Caulfield Cup first.

Professor: Pass.

9. LUCAS CRANACH Brown/Freedman 53.5 (11)

Captain: I remember his Dad coming to this country, all the hype, chest puffing and short-priced favouritism...and....massive flop-a-roo. So hopefully this one has a bit more ticker than his Pop. Ran pretty well in the Caulfield Cup despite some concerns over his soundness so you'd expect him to improve on that. A chance.

Professor: Along with Dunaden, i'll be shopping around for a price on this, as it's run despite being a little unsound in the Caulfield Cup was the kind that you'd want to be on. In saying that, it's run was worse than the 'suspect,' and you'd be preferring to launch into the 40s, right???

10. MOURAYAN Bowman/Hickmott 53.5 (14)

Captain: Ran a cracking 2nd to Glass Harmonium in the Mackinnon. And unlike Glass Harmonium, there are no concerns about him seeing out the trip. I never thought I'd see Mourayan looking that sharp over 2000m...Include in exotics.

Professor: Include in more than the exotics. This is professors big bet. Extremely well weighted, definitely stays, coming off a career best run. Won't likely run into the back of a rapidly fading Saptapadi as it will go forward. What's not to like here? Anyone??

11. PRECEDENCE Beadman/Cummings 53.5 (2)

Captain: We all know Bart is smarmy, and we all know that Precedence is probably travelling much better than Bart would have us think...put in a similar performance to that of Viewed in the 2008 Mackinnon, i.e shithouse. Viewed won the Cup 3 days later. Think about throwing him into multiples...

Professor: I kicked myself when I was at the cup with the Captain in 2008 and Viewed won. Which means that it would be easy to 'chase' this one. However, the differences between the out of form 3,200 metre specialist Viewed and the out of form Precedence are too big to make it a good idea.

12. RED CADEAUX Rodd/Dunlop 53.3 (16)

Captain: I'll be brutally honest: I just don't like it. Need to see, it's form looks pretty decent but I'm not smashing this in the Cup when I haven't seen it go around. Fucking Internationals with no lead up runs. Does my fucking head in.

Professor: I think the Irish St Leger run gives you a good indication about what this one is all about. Meets Jukebox 3.5 kilos better after a luckless 1L third. At the 50s, I could be somewhat interested.

13. HAWK ISLAND Schofield/Waller 53 (18)

Captain: The Hawk is a massive chance to win an Adelaide Cup. This is the Melbourne Cup. This is serious...

The time honoured Adelaide Cup...

Professor: p.a.s.s

14. ILLO Cassidy/Cummings 53 (1)

Captain: Bart is one smarmy bastard. I know that he would have liked more time to work with this guy to prep him for the Cup, as such, I will leave him out, but I would not be shocked if smarmy ol' Bart booted him home.

Professor: Hard to leave out. Good European form, a settler of a run in the MV cup...

15. LOST IN THE MOMENT Buick/Bin Suroor 53 (3)

Captain: Are there any Aussies in this fucking race?!? Every time I have to look up the form it's for European races and most of it seems pretty shithouse! His form is okay but to think he could win the Cup when he doesn't like to win out of turn is a bit fucking rich!

Professor: Stays the trip, which is a positive. I really won't be having this one.

16. MODUN McEvoy/Bin Suroor 53 (5)

Captain: Not seasoned enough to win a Melbourne Cup at this stage. It's had 8 career starts...most horses going into the Cup have more miles under their legs this campaign than he has in his career.

Professor: Nope.

17. AT FIRST SIGHT King/Hickmott 52.5 (10)

Captain: Looks really tested at the trip. In fact, I think he's more a miler/mile and a quarter type. Also a possible soundness issue so just can't get excited about him at two miles. One for the romantics out there...

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Professor: Has had a really good prep. I really like both of Lloyd's horses this time in.

18. MOYENNE CORNICH Prebble/Ellison 52 (17)

Captain: I have respect for this guy, probably because I've actually seen him run. The audacity of some of these Internationals, just rocking up thinking they'll nab a Melbourne Cup! Anyway, I still don't have him to win this but his run here was pretty good and you can expect improvement.

Professor: Good European form and a solid `settler.' Well weighted for an Ebor winner, good value at the $26. If you're shopping at $26, this is probably the one you'd want to be on.

19. SAPTAPADI Symons/Ellison 52 (22)

Captain: This thing's form looks shite but I'm not convinced that it actually is a shitter at the two miles. I think he might be competitive but will not be winning...

Professor: For me, this is the first one that will be going backwards, and ruining somethings chances. SaptaSandmason.

20. SHAMROCKER Nolen/O'Brien 52 (24)

Captain: One of the early Cup favourites but she just hasn't come back in good order. Her form is awful and she jumps from the carpark.

Professor: Set for this, and if O'Brien has anything positive to say around 2:45 I'll give it a chance. I love the rocker.

21. THE VERMINATOR Newitt/Waller 52 (4)

Captain: Before Saturday's Mackinnon, I thought he was a sneaky chance at big odds in the Cup with good form around and in front of the Caulfield Cup placegetters. But his run on Saturday was uninspiring to say the least; he hadn't had a run for a while so maybe you could put it down to that, but if so, you'd be admitting that he's massively underdone for the Cup. A cheeky effort wouldn't surprise but on his Mackinnon run, he's no chance.

Professor: I'd have given this all the chance in the world if it produced anything on Saturday. Can't have.

22. TULLAMORE Munce/Waterhouse 52 (12)

Captain: Although he meets Americain 5 kgs better than in the Moonee Valley Cup, the 'Cain really destroyed him there. Just gobbled him up effortlessly and was cantering at the finish. And we know that the 'Cain prefers this trip. So you'd think that he can't win the race but has shown enough to convince that he'll be competitive.

Professor: Unders to me, as I doubt the 3200 really suits - and even at shorter distances it looks outclassed by the top ones here.

23. NIWOT Yendall/M & W Hawkes 51 (9)

Captain: Punters have gone bonkers after this guy won the Lexus, backing him in from $101 to $11...maybe at some point they'll realise that a). Green Moon went amiss, b). the only other serious opposition, Tullamore and Moyenne Corniche were scratched, and c). Macedonian and Anudjawun are not in Melbourne Cup 2011. He will be competitive as this is his trip and he's down in the weights, but is way under the odds after winning a lacklustre Lexus.

Professor: Is well under the odds now, Lexus form is good form, but it's now into Maluckyday odds, and it is no Maluckyday.

24. OLDER THAN TIME Clark/Waterhouse 51 (20)

Captain: I heard Gai talking up this horse and either she has punched in the numbers to her weather forecasting algorithm and it reads Track: Heavy 10, or she has pumped him full of 'roids. Or both. He was second in the Sydney Cup, but: a). The Sydney Cup is usually full of B-Graders and this year's was no exception, b). The 2011 Sydney Cup was run on a bog, c). The horse that won that race is an absolute bog track merchant and has done nothing else of note for it's entire career. It's astounding to me that a horse who ran a poofteenth of a length 2nd in a Melbourne Cup and with encouraging form, i.e Bauer, misses a start for this hack. It's a fucking outrage. Gai's enthusiasm can sometimes leave you seeing $ signs but don't be falling for it with this plodder.

Professor: I have nothing to add here. All yours if you want it. I'll bet the captain a six pack of his choosing that it beats SaptaSandmason home if he's keen though.

CAPTAIN'S SELECTIONS

1. Americain
2. Dunaden
3. Mourayan
4. Unusual Suspect

Throwing in one or both of Bart's horses is probably a good idea because as previously mentioned, he's a smarmy ol' bastard.

Looking every bit of his 112 years...

Professor's value corner:

It's pointless tipping my top four, as I won't come up with anything too different. However, if you're looking at value, a few that are well over the odds for me:

1. Dunaden (I think even $8 is big overs)

2. Unusual Suspect (out to $34 and blowing!)

3. Mourayan (A $10 chance for me)

4. Moyenne Corniche (Ticks enough boxes to make $34 silly)

5. At First Sight (See Mourayan)

Enjoy the great race!

MELBOURNE CUP FORM GUIDE

Will be up tomorrow!!!!!!!! In the meantime, here's something to get you punters fired up:

Great Player....Shit Coach.

Lions "coach" Michael Voss has declared that the Cats premiership window is over despite the facts that they got better with every game they played in 2011, they have some very good young players, and that pretty much no-one else in Australia agrees with him. The once great player and Brownlow medallist turned "coach" said that the Cats were no chance because of the retirements/pending retirements of a few club stalwarts. "I just look at the progress we've made here at the Lions over the last couple of years, all the young guys we've given a go, and I can't see the Cats beating us next season quite frankly" he said. "And that's not just sour grapes because Chris Scott became a Premiership coach before me, or because his team won as many games this year as my team won in the last two and a half years" he added hastily. A still-celebrating and drunken Scott responded to Voss' comments for WHAB: "Ahhh yeah, Vossy was such a good player, a much better player than me, but as a coach, gee he makes a great ex-player! We caught up for a coffee before the Gold Coast game and he told me that he was going to start Merritt in the forward line! I said "what the fuck for mate?!?". Then he told me he was going to let Rischitelli and Brennan play completely unmarked, that they were too shit to play for the Lions so he wouldn't bother hard-tagging them with the most annoying fucker he could find! I didn't even know what to say when he told me that, I just yelled "Gee this is great coffee!". I had a good old chuckle watching that game unfold!".

Voss' comments have also irked fans wanting him to focus on his own backyard: "Seriously, why is he gobbing off about the Cats when we've won just 7 of our last 40 games? Why is he even still our fucking coach? How the fuck can a team lose so many fucking games and then turn around and offer the coach a fucking two year fucking extension? It's like offering the Loaf another 1.2 million for the next two Grand Finals!" said seriously fucked off Lions fan Captain Carnage.

The Loaf to return for 2012/2013?!?

NRL GRAND FINAL 2011

I would just like to begin this preview by sending out a great big fuck you to Des Hasler. No reason given. Just fuck you Des.

Fuck you pal.

Well the footballing gods have had their revenge on us all by delivering us an absolute bumfuck of a NRL Grand Final match-up. Millions of bbqs scheduled for Sunday afternoon have been cancelled by apathetic fans, disgruntled at having to pick between a team of douchebags and a team of Kiwis. I'm even slightly more interested in the AFL GF this year despite being a leaguey at heart. And that's Collingwood vs Geelong. That's saying something. I could have been way more excited about the Warriors tilt had I not taken the money and run on that one...ah well, hindsight is fucking great sometimes.

I've decided to go for the Warriors. They made me a bit of cash and other than most of their team being Kiwi's, I don't really take exception to any of their players. Manly, on the other hand, have the Stewarts. Brett is a rapist. Glenn and his legal team spin doctored their way into less weeks than Adam Blair got, conveniently leaving him free to play in the GF. George Rose, despite giving Gus Gould an orgasm every time he steps onto the field, is nothing more than a fucking pie cart. Brent Kite...don't even get me started on that fucking pussy. Steve Matai is the modern day Ray Price. "Your man Matai's got another burner on his shoulder Rabbits!". 10 mins later: "Matai's over! He's off his deathbed and he's scored the match winner!". Turn it up Matai. You're not really injured. You're just clapping it on to emerge out the other side in glory. Plus, you're a dirty cheap shot merchant. On top of all this, Brett Stewart raped a hapless teenager. I may have mentioned that already. Seriously, fuck you Des Hasler:

"Todd Carney blew 0.05, that's as bad as raping a girl..."

So c'mon Warriors! That felt really wrong right there, but the hatred of Manly is overwhelming, and money talks. The Warriors are excellent value at around $2.70. Take that and Shaun Johnson for first tryscorer at around $16 and you might turn Sunday into a better night than you thought possible. And as you celebrate after backing Kevin Locke to collect the Clive Churchill medal, also at $16, you'll have the added bonus of watching Manly cry. Talk about making the best of a bad situation!

The Art Of Betfair Trading

Step 1: Back the Tigers just before they embark on a 9 game winning streak at a phat $26 to win the comp.

Step 2: Lay the Tigers off at $5.50 when they are barely clinging to a 20-18 lead with less than 10 minutes to go in their elimination final against the Warriors, making a tidy profit.

Step 3: Back the Warriors, who are looking the better side and have great field position at a phat $28 to win the comp.

Step 4: While counting your winnings from your Tigers bet, also enjoy watching the Warriors roll in to $8 to win the comp after Krisnan Inu scores a bullshit try.

Step 5: Hopefully more of the same next week as the Warriors take on the Storm!

Thank you and goodnight.

Pros And Cons Of The McIntyre System

Let's begin with the pros:

So moving on to the cons now:

* If Teams 1 & 2 win, then week 1 of the finals was not only a complete waste of time, but it also becomes unfair in week 2. Brisbane smash Team 6 and are rewarded by now playing the 5th seeded Dragons.

*If Team 1 or 2 loses in week 1, they lose home ground advantage and have to play away to a team ranked lower in week 2. This should not happen in any sort of finals system. Ever.

*Teams 5 through to 8 should never get a second chance in a finals series. Ever. Particularly when they where as shockingly inept as the Warriors were last week.

* Ken McIntyre, who among other things dabbled in mathematics, invented this system in 1931. It's fair to say that it's not only unneccessarily convoluted, but it's hopelessly outdated.

Here is what the NRL officially have to say about the McIntyre:

"There is on-going debate each year about finals systems.

The McIntyre system in rugby league has produced some of the most exciting finals series in the game’s history.

The principle of the McIntyre system is that the top team should be rewarded by playing the bottom teams in the ‘eight’. Similarly the team that finishes eighth should have to jump a high hurdle to even reach week two.

The McIntyre system allows for the greatest possible set of options about who will reach the Telstra Premiership Grand Final and it has produced some of the most exciting finals series we have seen.

It also provides the most likely chance of the top two teams from the year meeting in the Telstra Premiership Grand Final.

At the same time it means that there is pressure on every team to win at every turn in the finals as they fight to retain or secure a home ‘city’ or ‘region’ advantage.

In a competition where the demands of mid-season representative matches can affect a club’s minor premiership standing the McIntyre system provides an opportunity for those teams that are good enough to fight their way from the bottom while also rewarding the top two teams through the ‘seeding’ system (1v8, 2v7, 3v6, 4v5).

One of the most contentious aspects of the system to many people is the fact that teams from the top four can lose their home ground advantage if they lose in week one.

The rationale for this is that the system rewards the teams that win. A team that finishes eighth and which defeats the minor premier should have the incentive of a home game in the next week.

Without this the challenges of coming eighth become almost too great.

At the same time the team that finishes first or second will always be under pressure to win."

Firstly, what good is it to Manly to secure a home 'region' when they are nowhere near said region? It serves these clowns right that 10,000 less people turned up than if it were played at Brookvale.

Also, how exactly does the McIntyre give you the best chance of teams 1 and 2 playing in the GF? If team 1, team 2 or both lose in week 1, I'd suggest it becomes an absolute lottery who makes it to the final 2. I'd also suggest that these dicks check out how regularly 1 and 2 meet in AFL Grand Finals.

"A team that finishes eighth and which defeats the minor premier should have the incentive of a home game in the next week. Without this the challenges of coming eighth become almost too great"....well maybe 8th should have thought about how difficult it would be when they were playing rubbish at various stages through the year. It should be fucking difficult, not based on one performance.

For fuck's sake Gallop and co, get your fucking house in order and go with the simple, effective and fairer system that the AFL uses. I have not heard one single fan say "wow, this McIntyre system is just fantastic!" ever so you guys are fucking deluding yourselves by printing the italic-ed horseshit above. Fuck right off.

NRL FINALS PREVIEW

Tigers v Dragons

Most people whose team will not be featuring in the 2011 NRL Finals will no doubt be jumping on the Tigers bandwagon. They play exciting footy and Marshall is just superb to watch, whether on the field or punching haters in the Macca's carpark. Riding into 4th on the back of an 8 game winning streak, it's worth noting that they were paying a phat $26 after their rubbish Round 18 loss to the lowly Eels. And I mean phat, not fat like the lip of the clown who tried to sue Benji for giving him a fat lip, but phat. And my wallet will be nice and phat should the Tigers go all the way. Seriously, you go to Macca's, run your mouth off, wake up the next morning with a fat lip and take that shit to court? How about stop wasting everybody's time and man the fuck up. Benji is busy trying to win me a truckload of cash and gets pulled from training to defend charges of assault occasioning grievous fat lip?...Fuck off you soft-cock clown-man.

This could definitely go either way with the Dragons winning their last couple of regular season matches and regaining some momentum. But after falling agonisingly short against the Red V in last year's preliminary final, the Tigers will take a lot of belief into this after knocking them off in Round 22. It will likely be fairly close with the Dragons amping up their defense for the finals and going some way to tone down the Tigers. Backing the Tigers home though and hoping for losses from the Storm, Broncos and Eagles! Well two of those are feasible anyway...

Broncos v Warriors

The Warriors are always up for a stoush with Melbourne or Brisbane and no doubt Suncorp will be packed full of a ghastly concoction of heavy South Island accents, unintelligible Ipswichian shrieks and bad hair on Saturday night...

The product of Trans-Ipswich-Tasman mating: the Brogan...

Steer clear of the greater Milton area that night people...A shame for suspended tough-man Thaiday that he won't get to pick on the likes of Hohaia, Moloney and Johnson here, he no doubt would have been primed for those guys. I think the Broncos are a huge chance to win the comp but this is the match-up they didn't want. The Warriors should really test Brisbane up front and have dangerous runners in Locke, Johnson, and of course the Beast is back for this, but all I remember of the Warriors in last year's finals was them getting destroyed by the Titans. That, and a couple of other finals failures makes me a bit wary of tipping them...so I'll predict the Broncos will do it for Lockyer in another close one but will be hoping the Warriors can help take me a step closer to that phat payout...

Sea Eagles v Cowboys

I would just like to begin this piece with a great big fuck you to Des Hasler. No reason given. Just fuck you Des. With suspensions and without Brookvale Oval, it wouldn't shock to see the Eagles get rolled here. Thurston has been fairly ordinary since his return and you get the feeling if he gets his shit together the Cowboys are a chance in this. But for once and for all snuffing out my 2011 tipping competition tilt with their loss to the Warriors, Thurston and the Cowboys can go and get fucked. Anyway, should be a huge crowd at the Sydney Football Stadium which is only slightly more convenient for the Eagles. Cowboys are a sneaky chance, but like I said, they can totally get fucked.

How I would of felt if the Cowboys weren't so piss-weak...

Storm v Knights

The Storm were clearly second best against Manly two weeks ago and were made to look like under 8's against the Roosters, but with all hands back on deck, they will run right through the Knights. Newcastle are simply making up the numbers in these finals. They were the lesser of two evils last Friday night but should be commended for knocking out Rusty and his Rabbitohs:

Carn Souffs!