Ashes First Test Review

Firstly, well played Australia. Not many of us predicted that the boys would get within a cheating Pom and a blind umpire of pulling off a miraculous victory. Rogers and Watson look a solid opening partnership in the short term. Hughes came through with some first innings runs, though still looks to have a few issues to sort out. Smith surprised by actually contributing something to Australian cricket, a tidy first innings saved us from complete disaster. Pattinson, Starc and Siddle all showed plenty of purpose with the ball. And you just couldn't help but feel sorry for Haddin, a valiant effort to get us within a cheating Pom and a blind umpire of glorious victory, justifying his selection as vice-captain fully. Such bravery, yet ultimate defeat, one wonders how I survived this Test without alcohol (visiting the in-laws)...

And now to one Ashton Agar. Three weeks ago, I'd never been less excited about an Ashes series. A bit of interest started to creep back in after the appointment of Boof Lehmann, but still, we were surely up against it, and my patience had been worn thin over the last couple of years. My interest in Test cricket had indeed waned somewhat with each retirement of Warne, McGrath, Hayden, Langer, Gilchrist, Hussey etc etc. And at Trent Bridge, I realised why I hadn't been enjoying the game that much... I didn't have a hero any more. A guy capable of coming up with the unthinkable. A guy who doesn't know when to quit. A guy who isn't afraid of the moment. A guy who can conjure up some magic when all seems lost. A guy who can guts it out when the going is tough. Because it wasn't just the 98 he put on in the 163 run last wicket stand with Hughes in the first innings. It wasn't just the 2/82 (should have been 3-for if not for a cheating Pom and a blind umpire). But the 14 off 71 in the second innings, after all he'd done on debut to that point, those figures really epitomise the young man for me. At the time, we were pretty much beaten, but that gutsy 14 off 71 actually kept us in the game. So yeah, we lost the Test Match, and it left a bad taste in our mouths, even more so for those of us who butchered a 3 foot birdie putt on the Par 4 18th at Coffs Harbour Golf Course earlier that day, but I just think that as Aussie cricket fans, we've found ourselves so much more; a reason to get excited about Test Cricket once again. Another Ashes hero.

Now to England. Firstly, I would just like to say that I think James Anderson is a fantastic bowler. But beyond that, the guy just gives me the shits with his off-to-the-races cockbaggery when he takes a wicket. Pump your fist and high five by all means. Just quit running around all over the place like a young woman who's seen a cock for the first time. Alastair Cook...he seems all for this Anderson behaviour so that certainly leaves a question mark over the England captain...And he also seems okay with that c-word of a man Stuart Broad cheating his fucking ass off, so yeah I have a big query on his character, that's for sure. The mark of a man for me; would I have a beer with the guy? Out of this England side, I seriously would find it hard to sit through a pint with any of them. Particularly Mr Cheating His Ass Off Broad. Hopefully team management have sent Dave Warner out on the turps on a seek and destroy mission, and hopefully he doesn't mistake Joe Root for Broad this time...

And the umpires for the First Test can just fuck right off. They were an absolute disgrace. Bumbling fuckwits...